What a sweetie!

Sometimes I feel completely ripped off.

I feel like I was duped into becoming a mother.  Because, somehow, all I ever heard were the good stories about people feeling completely fulfilled by being a mother, and about those moments when your heart completely melts when you look at your child.

Bleuch!

I'm really glad that some people get to have that kind of experience.

And I'm really glad that the first time I laid eyes on the Little Big Fella I completely fell in love.  Because if I hadn't, it's quite possible something drastic may have happened in those first two years.

But today was completely out of the ordinary.  While there have been moments (many, actually) where the Little Big Fella has melted my heart, this afternoon has been one moment after another, which is completely unknown so far in our life together!

The morning had been pretty horrible, after a series of nights of terrible sleep.  Both of us were tired and not responding well.

But when we got back from playgroup, after a little bit of rest, and after I'd adjusted his new Green Lantern costume (thanks Angie!) to fit him, he suddenly became this beautiful, sweet, helpful little boy!

He asked me if he could do anything for me.  (He's never done that before.)

When I couldn't think of anything, he offered to go and clean his room.  (He's never done that before.)  It wasn't even messy!

He wanted to help me make dinner.  (He hasn't done that in a while.)

He told me I looked beautiful and that my new clothes (which came in the mail this morning) looked gorgeous.  (He does that pretty often.)

He ate all of his dinner, including the broccoli, without being asked.  (He's never done that before.)

He happily stopped watching his cartoon to go and have a shower.

And even though at this stage I don't dare to hope that this will continue, except as irregular events perhaps, I am really enjoying this sweet little boy of mine.

I am Woman

I'm interrupting my Melbourne trip posts because of something that's been on my mind a fair bit lately.

There's been a lot of media coverage here in Australia lately about internet "trolls".  You know, the people who write absolutely horrible things on Twitter and Facebook and blogs that are the complete opposite of "building people up".  They get super personal, super rude, super critical, and downright bitchy!

I've mentioned before that I've joined the local CWA.  Last week I went to the combined AGM for the three closest towns, and the guest speaker talked about re-thinking how we can support the women in our area.  It got me thinking about what the CWA does, what the women around here do, what women and children here need, and how we might be able to meet those needs.

The other day I was speaking to one of the mums in town who is having a really hard time.  She's an awesome mum and an active member of our community, but she's feeling down and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  From what I understand, a part of her suffering is negative comments from other women.

Women are an incredibly strong force!  Individually, we stand up under immense pressures and carry on because it is necessary.

But as a group, we can be even more powerful!

Sometimes we use that power to pull each other down.  This is particularly apparent in High School, where groups of girls can give each other such a hard time.  As indicated above, we're really good at trolling too.

But I'm starting to wonder what might happen if we used this power to help each other up more often.

What if we gave each other big bear hugs more often?  Not just a little greeting, but the kind that makes trouble seem so much smaller.

What if we told others what great mums they are?  How their kids are turning out great and it's obvious that they're loved?

What if we complimented regularly?  Genuine compliments - as simple as, "that's a great colour on you", to deeper ones like, "I really appreciate how you go out of your way to make everyone else's life smoother".

What if women supported one another in every way they could think of, rather than bitching behind their backs and turning the world against them?

What if gossip sessions turned into planning sessions for how to make someone else's day?

I know there are so many groups trying to add happiness to the world.  I guess I'm just wondering how I can be a part of that in my little corner of the world.  And because I'm surrounded by awesome women, how I can include and encourage them too.

And I guess I wonder if women, being such a powerful force, can actually change the world!

In preparation...

I'm a little excited.  Okay, make that very excited!  The Little Big Fella and I are flying down to Melbourne on Monday.  I'm going to the P!nk concert with my brother and youngest sister on Thursday and we'll be visiting with family (both mine and the Big Fella's parents live there, and my sister and brother-in-law, his sister and her partner, and my brother) and friends.

In preparation, I've been looking on the internet to see what awesome activities are on that the Little Big Fella might enjoy, because hanging out with people who don't have kids, and being dragged around the shops isn't a huge amount of fun for him (I have no idea why not!).  He's really good about doing those kinds of things, but I want this to be a fun holiday for him as well.  And I'd imagine being spoiled by grandparents, aunts and uncles will definitely have some enjoyment for him too ;-)

My other sister mentioned ScienceWorks - a hands-on science museum I guess you'd call it.  They have all kinds of fun things to learn about, but also things to play with like a real digger!  Pretty sure that will be a hit!

I found out that there's a place in the city that has an ice rink.  (For those who don't know, there's very little snow or ice in Australia, even in the winter.  You have to travel to the mountains (even that is a debatable term compared to other continents), and they often use snow-makers on the ski slopes to supplement the natural snowfall.)

Anyway, the ice rink has an under 8's morning where they allow the kids on the ice with their shoes, and they have special learn-to-skate props/toys, and piles of snow to play in.  I think that might be a fun morning for us!

For those of you who know anything about Melbourne, it's a bit of a foodie city, so I'm very much looking forward to partaking of some deliciousness.  One thing we'll definitely do is go to the Queen Victoria Market.  It'll be weird going there without the Big Fella (he's a massive fan of the deli section!!!), but I'm sure we'll cope ;-)

Because we'll be flying, and the Big Fella's not coming, I decided to buy myself a suitcase (with wheels, of course!).  Normally when I travel, I have a bag of my clothes, a bag for the Little Big Fella's clothes, my toiletries bag, sometimes a bag with shoes, a bag of toys and things for the Little Big Fella and other clothes (like jackets) spread over the top of everything in the back of the car.  Obviously, that's not going to work on a plane!

So I bought a big suitcase in the hope that I can get it all into that plus my carry-on bag.  I've made my lists (you know how much I love lists!) and I think it will work.  I'm trying so hard to pack light though, because it's pretty likely we'll end up with more to bring back than what we take.

Now to remember to pack my tickets(!!!), chargers and all the other bits and pieces, make sure all the clothes we're taking are ready to go, copy my every day files onto my tablet, make sure the house is in good order before we leave... no problem!

I'm adding this a bit later in the day, just to show you another bit of "preparation" for the trip.  See, it's going to be cold in Melbourne (well, at least in comparison to here).  So, to add a little cheer when I have to pull my nice, warm socks off, I've put a little colour on my nails.

No doubt that will help me feel warm :-D

What luck!

Last week I watched a segment on 60 Minutes about a guy who found his family in India using Google Earth.  The basic gist was that he was born in a small town in India, got lost when he was 5, struggled, was adopted by an Australian couple, and when Google Earth came out, used it to find where he'd grown up, then went and found his mum.

The thing about the story that struck me was that it had been advertised as a "lucky chance" that he'd found his home town and mum.  "Just like that" was the phrase used.

But when I watched the story, it wasn't "just like that" at all!  He'd spent years (about five or seven years from memory) searching along all of the train lines that left from Calcutta (where he ended up).  He worked hard all day, spent time with his Australian family, then spent hours every night searching and searching.

That's not luck!  That's persistence!

I get to see that kind of "luck" in action regularly.

The Big Fella is definitely a "lucky" guy!  I mean, for starters he has me ;-)

But seriously folks.

Let's take a look at just his work life for example.  When we first met, the Big Fella was a mechanic for a small, family-owned garage.  He worked hard and tried to do the best job, and make the most money for his boss.  He was, essentially, the foreman in that workplace and ended up working with them for about 10 years.

Through various contacts, he had the opportunity to work for a high performance workshop.  They transformed cars from regular, run-of-the-mill cars, to high performance machines that probably shouldn't have been driven on normal roads!

While he was there he learned how to re-build an engine, mostly in his own time.  He worked long hours, studied manuals at home, talked to as many experts in the field as he could and made himself an invaluable employee for his boss.  He also talked the fabrication guys into teaching him how to weld well.

While he was there, he had the opportunity to participate in creating an awesome vehicle for the Army's promotion team.  They had to design and build it from scratch.  Again, there were looooooonnnnnnnggggg hours (several all-nighters from memory), and lots of learning from books and other experts.

When we decided to move north, the Big Fella ended up working in a regular workshop again, making pretty average money, but giving his best to make as much money as he could for his employer.

He ended up working pro bono for a transmission specialist in his lunch hours and after work, learning how to rebuild and repair transmissions.  He spent long hours learning from that man, and reading everything he could get his hands on so that he understood everything he could about those machines.  Eventually he was offered a position in that workshop.

Later the Big Fella worked for himself, using the skills he had learned to build a great little business.  He worked long hours and did everything he could to satisfy his customers.

One of those customers told him about the train driving job.  And now we're here.  He's making good money.  We get to do some fun stuff because we live in the country.  Yeah, he's "lucky".

Some people will always look at "lucky" people and bemoan that their own life is no good.  They don't see the hours of effort that have gone into making that "luck".  They don't see the sacrifices along the way.  They don't see the discussions and painful backwards steps and the wondering if it's all worth it.

They don't see that "luck" is often made, not granted.

I wonder what kind of "luck" you're making today?  What will the efforts that I put in today, effect in my future?  What will the lessons I'm learning right now translate to?  What kind of "luck" do I want in my life?  And what am I willing to do today to make it happen?

Times are a-changing

This week was the Little Big Fella's first "full" week (3 days) of kindy.

On Monday he cried when I left.  As in, bawled his poor little eyes out.  Gosh that's hard for a mother to take!  Even though you know he's going to be fine, and will probably stop crying as soon as you're out of sight, it tears at you.

Of course, by the time we picked him up that afternoon, the Little Big Fella was telling us how much he liked kindy and that he'd had a good day.

As we were getting ready on Tuesday morning, the Little Big Fella turns to me, with a quivering lip and says, "Mummy, I'm going to be shy at kindy today".

I turned to him and asked, "why?  You said you had a great time at kindy yesterday."

After a little discussion about the things he likes at kindy, and the kids he plays with, I suggested that he try not being shy at kindy and see how that goes.  He reluctantly agreed.

At kindy I signed him in and we put his things away.  One of his friends came over and obviously wanted to play with him, so I encouraged the Little Big Fella to play, said goodbye and walked out.  I didn't hear him cry, but thought there might have been a quivering lip.

On Wednesday morning at kindy I signed him in and we put his things away.  He dragged me over to the reading room, where another boy was doing a puzzle.  The Little Big Fella watched and then tried to help (I'm not real sure the other boy wanted help, but what's that got to do with anything???).  When the puzzle was done, my Little Big Fella turned around, gave me a kiss and a cuddle and said, "Mummy, it's time for you to go now".

Have you ever had conflicting emotions?  Right then, mine were an internal fist-pump, and my heart breaking (okay, I'm being a little melodramatic - but I did feel slightly rejected).

I think I might have found the right words to explain what's going on.  For almost four years, I have been everything to my Little Big Fella, and he has been almost everything to me (Big Fella not excluded, of course!).  Now, all of a sudden our lives are beginning to diverge.  Of course it's a necessary, healthy thing, but it's still a bit of a shock to the system!

On Tuesday, on a whim the Big Fella and I decided to go to our closest major town.  We got to spend almost six hours exclusively together!

There were no interruptions, there was no whining, there were no additional requests for the bathroom when we only went 5 minutes ago!

We even got to go to an Irish pub and have lunch together!  It was SO pleasant!  We even got to order food that the Little Big Fella probably wouldn't eat without complaining (and certainly not without making a huge mess!).  Bliss, I tell ya!

I attended a CWA (Country Women's Association) meeting this week as well.  The CWA is all about supporting people, especially women and children, in rural environments.  They do all kinds of things, depending on the area and the needs they become aware of.

After my stay in our old town in December, I realised that I need to be doing something that helps people in one way or another.  Because the playgroup will be using the CWA hall, a few of us decided we'd join the CWA and try to contribute through that avenue.

Speaking of the playgroup, I've been enlisted as Treasurer for this year.  And I'm looking forward to being a more formal part of that group.

I've also applied for work, and even if I don't get this particular job, I'll be looking more seriously for part-time employment.

Last year I feel like I was kind of treading water - waiting for the move, slowly getting to know people here, working out how things work around here, waiting for kindy to start.

This year I feel like changes are happening that mean I'm moving forward again.  And I think I'm ready for that :-)

Decisions, decisions

I always loved the Magic 8 ball.

I never had one, mind you.  But I loved the idea of it.

You see, I'm not an indecisive person, per se, but some decisions are hard.  It would be kind of nice to let someone, or something else decide for you sometimes.

Should we have another child?
My sources say no

Should we buy a new car?
Outlook good

Will we ever actually buy a house?
You may rely on it

Although, it might get a little frustrating if it gave answers like, "Reply hazy, try again", or "Cannot predict now", or "Better not tell you now"!

I can understand why people are so interested in fortune tellers, psychics, mediums and the like.  Being a responsible adult can be bloody hard work!  It can be hard to know which way to go, and if you make such-and-such a decision, what impact will that have on this, that and the other.

But palming off the decision to someone or something else is a cheats way through life!  I mean, it's your life!  And making the decisions about it is what makes it yours, for good, or for bad.

My parents had a great way of making hard decisions, one that I'd forgotten about until just recently but have probably used subconsciously many times.  After considering pros and cons, potential impacts of choosing this way or that way, and all the other decision-making steps that might be available to them, they'd decide one way or the other.

Then they'd sit on it.

For 24 hours, they'd live as if the decision had been made and was final.  And they'd see how they felt about that.  Was it a relief?  Did it make them feel unsettled or anxious?  Were they excited about going forward in this way?

Then if they weren't happy with it, they'd change their decision and sit on it for another 24 hours.

Most of the time this would bring one of their options to light as the best option for them (and our family) at that point in time.

I guess, whichever way you decide on any given set of options, you can only make the best decision you can with the information you have available at the time.  Kicking yourself retrospectively is disheartening and pointless.  And I guess making "bad" decisions is all part of the learning process that is life!

Do you have any special tips or tricks for making decisions?

This IS my life

I always thought I'd be an awesome mum.  I thought I'd be the crafty, cooking, smiling, super-calm 50's style super-mum.  And while I think I'm a pretty good mum, I'm certainly not living up to my (original) expectations.

When the Little Big Fella was first born, there was a long period of time (about 2 years) where I would have said most of the time I hate being a mum.  Thankfully, that has changed.  Now I only hate it sometimes ;-)

I recently applied for a job that I thought I was perfect for.  I did an awesome application then... nothing!  No calls, no e-mails, no letters.  I didn't even get an interview.

I mentioned a week or so ago that the Little Big Fella received an enrolment offer for kindergarten.  As well as being so excited about him growing up, I wasn't sure how it would logistically work if I was working full-time, given the kinder hours.


I'm getting ready to do a challenge with Fit Yummy Mummy starting next week, and I've been thinking about my goals within that.  The side effect is that, between FYM and not getting a job I thought I was perfect for, I've also been thinking about my life and what I love about it, but also what I'd like to change.

And I came to the realisation that this is my life!  I am a stay-at-home mum. So if this is my life, shouldn't I live it instead of waiting and hoping for something else?  I mean, I won't get these years at home with my son again! I want to make the most of them!

You know, there are so many negatives about being a stay-at-home mum.  The household income is dependent on one person, you rarely get to go to the loo on your own, your life is consumed with bodily functions (bleuch!), there's a huge amount of pressure to shop well, cook well, clean, educate, entertain, don't use the TV as a babysitter, be happy when your significant other gets home, continue your education, be "present" in every moment of your child's daily life, look after yourself and on and on and on.  There is guilt lurking around every corner because, no matter what you're doing there's something else that you should be doing!

But I've been reading a couple of blogs lately that have reminded me of the privilege that I'm currently enjoying as well.

• I get to set my own timetable
• I get to do all kinds of activities with the Little Big Fella
• I get to be his best friend (for now)
• I get to make a home for my son and husband, I get to do things when it suits me (like exercise, shopping, random day trips when the Big Fella has days off)
• I can more strongly influence the health-i-ness of the food in our house
• I get to have "play dates" with all my friends (it has nothing to do with the kids!)
• I get to be silly and laugh and see the world through a little person's eyes again
• I get to be there for every milestone and achievement
• I get to cuddle and kiss away the hurts and fears of my little boy as soon as they occur
• I get to influence every aspect of his life and be the example of what he could be (scary but somewhat inspiring thought)
• I get to ride a motorbike and hear him laugh and giggle
• I get to tickle him and hear that wonderful sound all the time
• I get to plan awesome activities and adventures for us to do
• I have the time to spend with other people whenever they're available, which would be particularly tricky if I was working and had to "fit them in" around work, cooking, cleaning and "family time"
• "Family time" is all the time!
• I get the joys of having animals around the place - and it is a joy because the Little Big Fella loves them so much
• I appreciate the awesomeness of time alone, pampering, shopping for anything other than food, long, hot showers etc. much more when I get to have them

There's plenty more, but I don't want to make you all green with envy ;-)

In the next few days I'll be sharing with you one of the effects of all this thinking.  Both the Little Big Fella and I are pretty excited about it and I have other plans along similar lines for the future!

Suddenly I'm really excited about this life I'm living.  I feel like I'm in control of my own destiny again (I've been a little "blah" the last few weeks, and overly negative) and it feels good!  I'm looking forward to my journey again!!!

Tired, fitness, community

Turns out I was tired!  Really tired!  Because I went to bed early last night (somewhere between 9:30 and 10) and didn't wake up until 8:30 this morning!!!  When I think back to the start of the year where 4:30 and 5am were normal starts to the day, 8:30 feels like an absolute extravagance!

I've been really good at doing my workouts this week (I've been doing the Fit Yummy Mummy program for almost 7 weeks) and I'm much better with my "clean eating" this week than last week, where I totally bombed out.  You know my favourite thing about it so far?  I like the food, and I like that I only need to workout for 15 minutes a day, but my favourite thing is the reaction of my husband.  Sure, he appreciates my changing body (I know you all went there first!), but he tells me I inspire him and that is very cool!

As a stay-at-home-mum I don't often feel very inspirational: how inspiring is it to do the dishes again, and do the laundry again, and clean up the mess from the dog/child/husband again, and keep the shopping in budget?  But to inspire my husband, who I love and respect and find inspirational in so many ways, yeah, I really like that!

I am a little worried though.  It was warm yesterday so I put on a pair of shorts that I wore last summer (and were getting close to too tight).  They're rather loose... actually, they're on the verge of baggy!  So my worry is that I'm going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe for summer or else I'm just going to look daggy baggy all season!!!  Damn!!! ;-)

Okay, moving on from bragging (actually, I'm just really proud of how I'm going and sometimes it's hard to not share).

The Big Fella started his train driver tests today.  Back in October last year he started the "school" and passed that in April this year.  He has been working with a tutor driver since then, as a Driver Assistant.  But, assuming he passes this set of tests this weekend, he will be a fully qualified train driver.  It's very exciting (actually, apparently the testing is very boring so far, but the potential results are exciting).

The Little Big Fella and I went on a couple of bike rides today.  I don't know that I would really call it bike riding though.  I would call it "is it possible to ride any slower and can we go further than 5 metres without stopping?".  Needless to say, I was a little frustrated.  But the Little Big Fella loves it so I went with him.

The good thing about the bike ride this morning was that we stopped and talked to a few friends along the way, and ended up spending an hour or so with some new friends that we've only met once or twice before.  Turns out we get along pretty well :-)

I love the small community here.  There are so many families with young children and it just creates an awesome atmosphere.  It's safe enough that there were about 20 kids at the park this afternoon with me as the only adult (there were other parents in nearby houses but I was the only one physically there for about 20 minutes).  And yesterday one parent brought her kids and another family's kids to the park so the other parent could have a break to do a few things.  And that kind of thing is common.

After our sudden-hit of illness last week, where I discovered we had no Neurofen for kids or cough medicine or anything of that kind, almost every mum I ran into over the next few days mentioned that they had a store of it at home and I could have just called them.  I'd never even thought to call anyone here because I'm so used to living independently.  But here, because of the size of the town and the distance to medical help, everyone is prepared for the worst and willing to help and share.

That's what I was hoping it would be like here too!  I was so hoping it would be a close but open community.  I was hoping people would keep an eye out on everyone else's kids.  I was hoping to be welcomed easily, despite existing friendships.  And it is like that here and I am so grateful!

Birthday? So what!

When I went to bed last night, exhausted almost to the point of collapse (the Little Big Fella had been hard work), the last thing the Big Fella said to me was something about it being my birthday tomorrow.

In typical melancholy style, I looked around and saw the dishes all over the kitchen, thought of the washing that needed doing and the toddler who would need my attention and thought, "what's so good about having a birthday as an adult anyway?"

I knew what my present was and, despite requesting it, doubted that it would be wrapped or that there would be a card (oh ye of little faith).

I knew there would be no cake unless I made it (although, I'd rather some fruit and yoghurt anyway).

And I knew that the main responsibility of caring for our son would be mine.

What's the point?  What is it that makes a birthday different to any other day of the year, now that I'm an adult and a mum?

And with that depressing thought I went to sleep.

I woke early this morning (early equals before 7 these days, which is awesome compared to the 4:30/5am starts I was getting at the start of the year!), crept into the kitchen and made some breakfast (ignoring the dishes that were still all over the place) and crept back to the office to catch up on some blog reading and such.

I got a whole hour to myself!

For those of you that didn't catch that (or the fact that it's a big deal) I'll repeat it.  I got a whole hour to myself!!!

The Little Big Fella didn't wake up until just before 8!  I got a whole hour to read and type and do whatever without interruption!!!  Amazing!  And just what the doctor ordered.

When the Little Big Fella did wake up, he didn't get up straight away, but put his DVD player on and watched a little bit of Tigger and Pooh so I got myself ready and went downstairs for a workout.  Although I had a couple of interruptions, I got my workout done (and worked hard I have to say) then came up to find the Big Fella awake and asking for a coffee.

I looked at the time and realised we were going to be late for Music Makers.  I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago - it's a class for pre-school kids and they're learning various musical terms, using various instruments and a microphone, and doing some basic dance/coordination moves.  Yesterday I'd asked the Little Big Fella if he wanted to go to playgroup or Music Makers and he emphatically chose Music Makers so that's where we went today.

On our way out of town (Music Makers is in the town 15 minutes away) we stopped at the "post office" (the CWA hall) and collected the mail.  Yay!  A parcel from my in-laws (a ballet-based workout DVD - I'm looking forward to checking that out), and a card and cheque from my Oma-in-law.  You know, I love modern modes of communication like e-mail and Facebook.  But I love getting stuff in the mail!  It may be because anything in the mail that isn't a bill is normally fun, or it might go back to childhood and the rarity of getting anything in the mail at all, but whatever it is, I love it!

The Little Big Fella got nervous as soon as he saw the other kids at Music Makers.  But we went in and again I got to sit on the floor with his heavy butt on my lap.  Seriously, he's getting really heavy and my ankle bones were being squished on the wooden floor!!!

He was all shy and only kind of participating until about half way through when he said he wanted to go.  You bet I rolled my eyes!  I told him the class wasn't finished and we couldn't go until it was done and he cracked the sads and went and sat on the chair on the side.  Sigh.  I tried to talk him in to joining everyone again but it wasn't going to happen.  I didn't think it was ultimately a good idea to "make" him so I let him be and about 5 minutes later he was ready to re-join the class.  And he really joined in this time.  He danced and played and talked in the microphone.  The silly thing is that I think he loves it, but his shyness beats him to start with.  But he's always been shy in new places and with new people so we'll just give him time to settle in and see what happens.

Last time we did the shopping I'd promised the Little Big Fella that we could go to the new park he'd spotted across the road from the supermarket.  He reminded me after Music Makers, and because we didn't have a schedule to keep I agreed we could go.  Unfortunately, the swing seats were too hot - black rubber in the direct sunlight is a good recipe for burned bum!  So we wandered around but he'd lost a little enthusiasm.

My sister and nephews happened to call just then so we all had a chat until my nephews started losing the plot and needed to go to bed for a nap.

Next was some shopping then home again, home again, jiggety jig!

On the way home my Nanna called so we had a little chat to her too.

When we got home the Big Fella had obviously spent a fair portion of the morning cleaning up.  The kitchen was clean and lots of things had been put away.  And there on the coffee table was a beautifully wrapped present!  Wrapped in paper that the Little Big Fella had painted a few weeks ago!  And a card with some lovely things written in it by the Big Fella, and he'd helped the Little Big Fella write in it too!  If we did brownie points in our house, the Big Fella would have had a basket full for that!  Instead he had to put up with hugs and kisses and thank yous and some pretty impressive gratitude :-)

He then suggested that we contact everyone and invite them to the local pub for a drink or two in the late afternoon, his shout.  So the texts and Facebook message went out and just before 4 we headed off.  (Oh!  In the meantime we'd also made some pepperoni!  More on that in a future post.)

We'd intended to be at the pub for about an hour or so.  But, see, when people are around and everyone is having a good time it's no fun to quit!  So we stayed... and stayed... and stayed... and had dinner :-D  I had a great time talking to some of the girls that I've met here, even talking about some non-mum topics!  The Big Fella had a great time talking to some of the guys that were around the place, including the new bar manager and the kitchen staff.  And the Little Big Fella had fun playing really nicely (mostly) with his friends, and talking to the poor man playing the pokies who got to explain that toys don't come out of those machines before we pulled him away.

Oh!  And the Little Big Fella got to have a whole can of Coke for the first time ever!  Occasionally he gets the dregs of the can from the Big Fella, but he rarely has soft drink (soda/pop) at all, let alone a whole can of Coke.  Thankfully there were other kids there to play with or the afternoon/evening would have taken a completely different turn!

Eventually we left the pub and dropped in on some friends on the way home (the Big Fella had borrowed a mincer for his pepperoni).  By this time the Little Big Fella was starting to come down from his Coke high so we headed home pretty quickly.

And since then I've had the chance to talk to my youngest sister and my parents on the phone too.  I miss my family, but talking to them on the phone is so much better than nothing!  (I'm getting all teary!)

So my day, which yesterday looked like it was going to be the same as any other day (or worse) turned out to be lots of fun, with lots of little surprises, and I felt special and like my being in the world is worth all the pain my mum went through.  And I guess that's the point of a birthday for me as an adult.  It's not about presents, or even a party like it was as a kid.  It's about contact with people who think you're special and take the time to let you know, in both big and small ways.  And if you get to spend time with those people, that's even better!!!

Too much?

Check out our fruit basket!!!

I LOVE fruit and veges!  Which is a good thing given that I'm attempting to consume 10 serves a day!!!


I'd hoped to make some soup today (the weather has been cold and disgusting and perfectly soupy) but didn't get to it.


The Little Big Fella and I did a workout this morning (he tried a couple of things then tried to get me to play with him while I was exercising - it was slightly amusing) then had a big kick of the blow-up soccer ball in the hallway.  The Big Fella is really keen to get the Little Big Fella into soccer this next term... well, keen for me to get him into it.


After a shower, we ended up going to the park to play.  I wore my gumboots (galoshes, wellingtons) because I'm sick of getting wet, muddy feet at the moment.


We had lunch then cleaned up a bit outside.  The dogs have been digging holes and there was dirt and mud everywhere, especially in the driveway, and it was all bugging me.  I also did some laundry, hanging two loads under the house and one on the line, even though I'm pretty sure it'll rain overnight.  I'm sick of having dirty laundry around the place - I'd much rather it hanging and getting wet again :-D


The Big Fella got home a bit after that and I tried to do a few things on the phone while he distracted our son.  I'm sure I've asked this question before, but why do kids insist on talking to you in their loudest voice when you're trying to talk on the phone???  I know, they want attention but sheesh!


I was going to call Centrelink but they said the wait would be around 90 minutes!!!  Yeah, that didn't happen!


And I cleared my e-mail box of its 100-ish e-mails, including unsubscribing from a bunch of things :-D


The Big Fella requested pizza (from the next town - and I'd have to go because he'd had a couple of beers) at 4pm but then fell asleep on the couch before I was ready to go.  So the Little Big Fella helped me make some gravy, cook some veges in it and then warm some leftover roast lamb in it too.  Num num!


Both the Fellas were in bed by about quarter past 7 so I've been on the computer reading other peoples' weight loss stories and feeling encouraged that I'm doing pretty well for my first week.


The Big Fella will be home for the next 5 days (unless he gets called in for work, which is possible on 1 or 2 days) so we'll be working in the yard and doing all kinds of bits and pieces.  Prepare for some stories of capering and hilarity (but hopefully not including bogging or falling in skips)!

Letting go

Last night we happened to switch channels and caught the second half of "Politically Incorrect Parenting".  Oh my goodness it made me laugh!


Nigel Latta was talking about the five myths of parenting and the thing I mostly got out of it (other than laughter) was that much of the parenting advice we read or hear doesn't really help - it just makes us feel inadequate.  Most of us are now so afraid of letting our kids experience the full gamut of emotions and experiences in the world (including risk!) because we think it will break them, either physically or emotionally.  But in actual fact, we smother them, making them useless in the real world.


They did a little case study on a school that has brought back monkey bars and all those "rough" games that were banned.  The kids are encouraged to climb trees and play tackle games.  They've even extended recess times to allow the kids to really get rid of their energy, saying that it actually makes class time more productive.


The Principal of the school said a bunch of things that really made sense to me.  One of them was that they were aiming to give children a childhood.  Let them learn and explore and compete.


I've spoken to lots of parents who are frustrated by the restrictions we place on our kids but don't feel that it's safe enough to remove those restrictions.  And us mothers in particular are almost slaves to our children - we make their lunches because they're not responsible enough to pack healthy stuff, we walk them to school because they'll get hurt if we don't... we wrap them in cotton wool and then wonder why they're so afraid and unadventurous!  And unable to work out solutions to the big and little problems of life.


This afternoon the Little Big Fella wanted to go across the road to see the horses but the Big Fella and I were having a drink and a conversation.  So we let him go by himself.  He ran gleefully down the driveway, got himself through the gate without letting the puppies out, ran to the road and stopped.


I'd been watching from upstairs (not quite ready to let go completely just yet - he is only 3!) and thought he'd run straight on to the road.


But he stopped.


He looked carefully both ways.


Then he continued running over to the horses and had a great time talking to them and patting the mare's nose.


My mothers' heart melted.  My little boy is learning some of the steps to being independent!


I packed his lunch and some snacks in his lunchbox today because there was a possibility we'd be out around lunchtime.  He helped himself to the food throughout the afternoon and was happy!  So was I because he wasn't hassling me constantly (he eats a lot some days).


When he goes to school in a couple of years, he will be making his own lunch and walking or riding to school by himself.


Sure, he might need some help initially, and I'll walk or ride with him until I think he's capable on his own, but my job as a parent is to help my son develop his independence until he's able to live in the world on his own and leave our home as an adult.  That doesn't start the day before he turns 18!  It has to start now!  Or else he won't be ready and I will have done him the greatest disservice.


I'm not willing to let that happen.  And I will fight, if I have to, to make sure that he is not pandered to, molly coddled and given unrealistic expectations of what life is really like!


I don't want a mamma's boy who can't look after himself, do his laundry, be hygienic, or control his own finances.  Inasmuch as I can, I will help my son become a great friend, worker, and hopefully partner.


Gosh I gotta lotta work ahead of me :-D


And balancing my expectations of both myself and my son is going to be tricky sometimes.  But I think if I keep in mind that neither of us are perfect, and the goal is independence, we might just figure it out well enough.

Out with the trees (or, hubby bought a chainsaw)

We had to go and get some things for the puppies today.  You know, collars, leads, dog shampoo, food...


The Big Fella took us to a farming supplies store first and we ended up with some cat collars (the dog ones were way too big), a couple of leads, some dog bowls, puppy shampoo, a chainsaw!


Yep, the Big Fella finally owns his own chainsaw.


I did know, but had somehow forgotten, that when he gets his hands on chainsaws the garden tends to get a severe haircut...

The front of the house when we first moved in.  Note the conifer on the left.

The right side of the house, again, a conifer and the mango in front of the little shed.

The left of the house.  Note the tall yukka type things and the papyrus looking thing.

The new front of house.  No conifers and a little line of rocks.

Here are the rocks a bit closer up :-).  We collected these from the side of the road.  They have some great colours and shapes and make the yard look like it's going to be a garden already!  Yay!

The right side of the house with the conifer removed, the mango trimmed so we can get into the shed a bit easier, and the neighbour's bush trimmed back to his side of the fence.

And here Frankie is showing the now cleared left side of the house.


Now we're ready to finish putting in our rock edging, kill the grass and dig it out, fill it with soil and plants, get rid of all the prickles in the lawn and make it green and lush, make a vege garden and herb garden, and build a chicken coop.  Phew!

The long process of friendship

As I was growing up my family moved towns a couple of times.  I also lived overseas for a year.  With each new location I got to (had to?) start the long process of developing friends.


I've realised a few things about me and making friends through these experiences:

• Although I normally get along with people pretty much straight away, it generally takes me about 12 months to really feel at home with new friends, longer if we have infrequent contact
• After about 3 to 6 months the previous town no longer feels like home and I tend to feel home-less
• I can appear to be a bit of a snob initially.  I think this is because I tend to be a bit guarded until I get a feel for how new people or groups interact.  And I am a tiny bit shy in new situations (I know, some of you just won't believe that.  I've learned to override it a lot but it's still there making me uncertain to begin with).
• I think I am a bit of a chameleon in that I change to look like the group I'm in until I feel comfortable enough to really be myself.  I love it when I just click with someone and can be myself straight away though.

I've been watching myself as I meet new people and then run into them around the place here.  (Go the over-analytical part of me!)  I've deliberately tried to talk to people and introduce myself.  I've tried really hard to remember names, which is okay if I meet one or two people at a time but a bit harder in a group.  I've tried to join in conversation rather than just observe.  And I've tried to remember to ask questions about others and their life, rather than just making them lead the conversation.

I got to hang out for a while this afternoon with one of the mums I met at the local park.  It was so good to just spend time and have the kids playing happily together (mostly).  I found out a bit more about the area and how things work and what's here and so on.  And I discovered someone who enjoys making things from scratch like yoghurt and butter and cheesecake :-D!!!  I got to begin the long process of friendship.

So now I think it must be my turn to start having people over for a cuppa and a playdate and a chat and the start or development of friendship.  Because I don't want to get a few years down the track and feel like I know people but have no friends.  I think I deserve better than that... and so do they! ;-)

Our first party, vacuum cleaners and blinds

This morning we had to go to the Post Office to post a package to my grandparents, and collect our mail of course :-)  It is so quaint living in a town that doesn't deliver mail and I'm (just quietly) getting a bit of a kick out it.  This was only our 2nd visit to the Post Office and the lady had our mail out ready for us before we'd even gotten the parcel sorted out.  Now that's what I call customer service!


Anyway, on the way home we were passing the home of one of the kids we've played with in the park and her mum ran out and invited us to the little girls' birthday party this afternoon.  How cool is that?


The party was a really easy plate of sausage rolls and party pies, lollipops, cordial and, of course, a cake, in the park where all the kids play after school anyway.  Call me a middle-class snob if you like, but I've never seen such an easy party... and I loved it!  Especially after the huge effort of the Little Big Fella's Cars party, it was really refreshing.


The kids ran around and played happily (although there were a couple of injuries), some of them ate when the food came out and we sang Happy Birthday, and the adults sat around and chatted.  It was so relaxed!


Although, I did come across this amazing pinata biscuit idea on Pinterest last night...


Yesterday, after the Big Fella got home we decided to go to the closest big town to try to buy a new vacuum cleaner and some curtains/blinds for the house.  We got there at midday, had to wake the Little Big Fella and then didn't know where to go.  We had a bit of lunch at a nice, busy cafe with man-looking food then found our way to the new shopping centre.


The vacuum cleaner is absolutely awesome!  It even sucks the little prickles that make their way into the house on our shoes out of the carpet in 1 or 2 pass overs!  I just about threw the old one into the bin but the Big Fella said to keep it as a car cleaner so I moved it downstairs.


Blinds we didn't do so well on.  After getting rather discouraged I ended up doing an internet search on my phone and called a curtain maker in that town.  He came down straight away and gave us an idea of what they could do.  It'll take a few weeks but we'll probably get the kitchen and dining windows covered by them, then maybe replace some of the others over time.


On the way home we ended up stopping at a little weir outside of the next town over.  The sun had started to set and it was incredibly peaceful and beautiful there.  We're talking about camping there for a few days if we can hire a camper trailer (the Big Fella doesn't do tents or caravans but thinks he'd cope okay with a camper trailer).  It'd be awesome if we could hire or borrow a tinnie too and do a little fishing - the Little Big Fella would love that!


As we were driving home I was reflecting on the spontaneous nature of our trip and the kilometers we'd travelled.  In our last town I'd developed a bit of a closed mind about travelling, and being spontaneous I guess.  Most of that was in reaction to the Little Big Fella, who used to be absolutely painful in the car and made being spontaneous a little more than difficult on occasion.  So I'd kind of given up and we didn't travel more than 15-20 minutes without planning at least several days in advance.


But here, especially after such an easy drive up with the Little Big Fella, I don't have any of that.  Give me 15-20 minutes to get myself together, make sure everyone has had a toilet break, and gather some food and drinks and we're good to go!


And I love the sense of freedom that comes with that!  It feels so good and, for some strange reason, I feel less weighed down and restricted than I did before.  Which makes me wonder what kinds of changes I'll go through in living here!  What will be different about me in 5, 10, 20 years because we've lived here?  And that's a challenging and exciting thought!

Continuing to discover

The Big Fella took us for a little drive this morning to see the rest of town.  We took a drive out of town past the paddock across the street to discover the best trail bike area here, the rubbish tip, and the horse racing track.


I have to tell you about the tip because, just quietly, it blew me away (and no, it wasn't the smell).  I don't recall the last time I went to a tip that wasn't manned or signed as to where you should put your different kinds of trash.  Oh, wait!  There was one sign for a "domestic waste only" area.  No little booth with someone in it to make you pay for certain kinds of rubbish.  No painted lines on asphalt roads.  Just a dirt track to a big pile of rubbish that someone had recently set on fire (I guess that's what I smelled yesterday).


I also had my first visit to the little post office today.  There's no mail delivery here so you have to go to the post office to collect it.  I also had to post off our Mother's Day gifts, which brought a bit of a surprise.  The scales used to weigh my parcels were the kind where you place weights on a plate and balance it with the parcel on the other!  I didn't know they still existed except in museums!  Unsurprisingly they didn't have EFTPOS so I have to drop in tomorrow to pay the balance because I ran out of cash.  Yep, I live in a small town :-D


At the park this afternoon the Little Big Fella had his first go on the skate ramps with his scooter.  He only went on the little one of course, but he was so excited about it and ended up scooting around balanced with one foot in the air.  He's growing up before my eyes!


I also met a new lady at the park this afternoon who has only been in town 12 months.  She had a 5 year old son and a 2 year old daughter and was really lovely to talk to.  Amazingly, she was from the same area we've just left as well!  She did mention the gossiping part of living here and that she and her husband tend to keep to themselves a lot.


Tomorrow the Little Big Fella and I will go to the playgroup for the first time.  I'm excited to meet some more people and see how life here works in a little more detail.  No doubt I'll see a bit of that gossiping in action but I'm hoping to also meet someone/s that I click well with, who has a similar approach to parenting and life as me.  We'll see!


The Big Fella got annoyed in the kitchen this morning and cleaned the windows.  Seriously, I think my biggest memory from this whole move will be cleaning windows!  So then we got the benches cleared (we have enough cupboard space to put the dish rack away!!!!!) and I shined my sink (thanks Mum and FlyLady), clearing away the rust spots and gunk around the taps.  The sink has obviously been abused so it still looks a bit splotchy but it looks so much better and going in to the kitchen being able to see through my window, my bench empty and ready-to-use and my shiny sink makes me feel good.


We've decided to spend about an hour each day tackling a room at a time until the house is up to scratch and we feel like we can relax in it.  At the moment there are still boxes all over the place and things that don't have homes.  But by tackling a room at a time, together, it becomes less overwhelming and we'll get it done without killing ourselves (or each other).


I feel happy!  Not mostly happy.  Not happy when such-and-such happens.  Just happy!  I love living with my husband again.  I feel hopeful.


Sure, I have moments when I lose the plot or the Little Big Fella pushes my buttons, or the list of things to do overwhelms me.  But overall I feel happy, and even when I'm feeling a bit shirty or whatever, underlying that is happiness.  And it feels like it's been a long time since that was my main mode of operation!  I like it a lot!  :-D

Settling in

Here we are in our new town, trying to get everything settled, getting used to a shift-working partner, and trying to get into the swing of life in this small town. And we're going okay.


The shift working thing is really going to take a while for us all to work out.  The Little Big Fella has a mild freak out every time Daddy goes to work because he doesn't realise that he'll be home in a few hours.  And trying to get him to be quiet while Daddy sleeps is... interesting.  He's doing pretty well so far, but when Daddy wakes up and is still tired and doesn't want to play or be climbed all over, well, that doesn't go down so well.


The Little Big Fella is so excited about living with Daddy too.  He just wants to play with him all the time and tell him everything and follow him around and jump on him and snuggle on the couch (while wriggling and totally getting in the way of the TV).  I think it's going to take a little while for them to settle into life together again but I think they'll do it well.


We have a few fun things we've started doing every day so far.


There are horses in the paddock across the road and we walk over there and talk to them and give them a pat.  


There's the park at the end of the street (about 200 metres maybe) that we go and have a swing and a play in the morning (normally no one there) or in the afternoon (kids and mums all over the place).  I've decided that, because it's "my" park now I'm going to pick up rubbish and left-behind items when no one else is there (don't want to make anyone feel guilty), and maybe do some weeding too.  The park is great but I want it to be even better :-)


I was talking to a lady this afternoon who is part of the Lion's club and the CWA and I think we'll probably get involved in the Lion's.  They help out the people in town who are older or incapacitated (permanently or temporarily) by doing gardening, cleaning, shopping or whatever.  They also do things around the town as they hear of needs.  I think I want to be a part of that.


And we've been given all the details to attend the playgroup on Wednesday mornings.  It seems to be the thing you do if you're an at-home-mum, especially with pre-schoolers.  I'm waiting to see the cliques and gossiping, because being such a small town you know it's going to happen.


We went for a drive last night to drop the trailer off to a mate who works in one of the mines "near" here.  One and a half hours there, two back (we went a different way).  Funnily enough, we stopped for a fuel and loo break and the lady behind the counter was my old boss!  She seemed happier and a bit more relaxed than when I worked with her.


I like it here.  I think we're going to enjoy it and I think our lives will feel richer (not just because of the increased wages).  Maybe I really am a country girl at heart :-)

We're here and back online

We're here!!!!  We're finally in our new (to us) house in our new town.  And the computer is back online :-D


WARNING:  This has the potential to be a long post!  I mean, I've been offline for 4 whole days!!!!


The first thing I want to say is that I quite like our new little town of about 360 people.  It definitely has that small-town community feel (although I've heard the gossip is amazing but have yet to experience that).  I like the feel of the place and the people I've spoken to so far have been so lovely!


The Big Fella arrived with the truck on Monday night.  He had a guy from work driving it for him who used to work as a removalist.  They looked around at everything that had to go in the truck and got really worried.  The Big Fella has a lot of mechanical equipment!


We did some more packing, slept and woke early feeling pretty good.  Things kinda went downhill from there.


The few boxes I had left to pack took me until after lunch.


The guys had serious issues getting everything into the truck and, despite his mate's experience and skill, not everything fit and it took until after 4pm to finish packing it.


The Little Big Fella was excited about it all and wanted to help and see what was happening.  Therefore, he got in the way a lot.  And he talked like there was no tomorrow!  Especially calling out to "Dad" to "watch this" and so on.  He was really good but it was pretty tricky having him around.


The cleaning took so long!  Again, I have to give a big shout out to my sister who really rescued me.  She pretty much cleaned all the walls in the house while I was packing and she did an awesome job.  She had to go get her boys at 4, by which time I was pretty much ready to start the floors.  


Except the Big Fella needed help moving stuff out of downstairs into the shed so that Poppy could collect and store it for us for a few weeks.


By this time the Little Big Fella was tired and hungry and wanted to go to Poppy's and have lots of hugs.  I was tired and pretty much beyond it and my brain was completely frazzled.  The Big Fella was exhausted and sore but holding up pretty well.


We finally locked the doors at about 6pm.


We drove our two cars to my grandparents' place and I started bringing in things for our overnight stay.  At this point I remembered thinking as I locked the house, "I should double-check the cupboards.  No, I already did that earlier today." You guessed it, I'd left my clothes for the next few days in the closet.  I couldn't even have a shower because I had nothing to change into.


After a moment of being completely incapacitated, I decided to have dinner, shower the Little Big Fella and get him off to sleep, then go and collect the keys from the landlord, get my bag, return the keys then come back.  Poppy decided that he and the Big Fella should do that though so we all ate dinner (which tasted amazing!!! after such a long day) first then went off to do what needed doing.


After a shocking night's sleep, we woke at 3:30am and prepared to set off.  Again, the Little Big Fella was brilliant at waking up so early and was excited to be travelling in the new car with Daddy, while Mummy followed in the ute.


The drive was pretty good and watching the sun come up through the foggy patches was beautiful.  I also saw two falling stars, which I've not seen in the whole 6 years that I've lived in Queensland!


Unfortunately I was SO tired and really struggled for a while with driving safely.  I realised at two points that I'd actually nodded off briefly, having micro-sleeps.  Completely freaked out and called the Big Fella's mobile.  Talking to him helped me wake up then I turned on some Ugly Kid Joe and wound down the window (it was cold outside) and ate some Smarties and Jelly Beans.  At our next stop the Big Fella bought me an energy drink (I never drink them) and I didn't have any troubles for the rest of the day.

Driving behind the Big Fella on the highway coming close to our new town.

As we got closer to the new town I started getting a little nervous.  Would I like it here?  What's the house like?  Will I feel completely isolated?  Will we be happy?  Will we actually achieve our financial goals?


But as we came in to town and I looked around (while trying to drive and get a sense of direction in the town) and felt calmed.


Then we got to the house and I knew!  I knew it would be months of cleaning inside and I nearly cried.  The grass was overgrown, the yard was fairly bare, the edges had been burned with chemicals and there was dead grass all over the paths.


The Big Fella took me upstairs and it was better and worse than I expected.  


The actual house, its layout and furnishings were better than I expected.  The cleanliness factor was worse.


The windows (oh God!  More windows!) were milky with dirt and dust and the tracks were definitely not clean.


There were dead bugs and gecko droppings everywhere.


The floor needed a vacuum.


The walls weren't clean.


Sigh.


After looking around and assessing the "damage" I started prioritising in my head and realised that it wouldn't be clean this week, or possibly even this month, but I would work on each room bit by bit and get it to the point where I could look around and not think, "Oh, I need to do that too!".


The guys unloaded everything from the truck to under the house (it's enclosed and has a concrete floor, which I quickly swept out first - there was dried grass everywhere).  Then they had a drink and took the truck back to the next major town.


The Little Big Fella and I went for a little walk to the end of the street (about 200 metres maybe) to the little park.  There were kids everywhere and several parents camped out on rugs and camping chairs.  I met several of them and had a good chat and the Little Big Fella ran around happily.


While the Big Fella was gone I thought several times that I should check the hot water.  After thinking it the third time I finally stopped and checked.


Sure enough, it was cold.


No worries!  I'll just turn it on!  Ha!  There was no switch on the unit itself and I couldn't find where the power came from.  I was sore and tired and trying to keep the Little Big Fella happy and nearly in tears.  What could I do???


Mum to the rescue!!!  I called her and had a chat and she suggested checking the power box.  Easy as flicking the switch and the hot water was on!  Thanks Mum!  We had a good little chat after that too.


Over the last few days we've started unpacking, got the kitchen in useable order, cleared the lounge/dining area so that we can sit and relax when we're not unpacking, and set up the drawers and shelves around the place so that we have somewhere to unpack to.  We've also transferred the new car into our names, been shopping at the supermarket in the next town, and removed everything from the Big Fella's room at the quarters where he's been living for the past 6 months.


The Big Fella is now at his first work shift since our arrival.  The Little Big Fella kind of freaked out when he left.  I don't think he realised that Daddy wasn't going away for weeks, but would be back in the morning.  He'll get the hang of it soon enough.


There's a big festival on this weekend, including a rodeo, markets and free kids rides.  We're hoping to head on over to the next town to enjoy it, although I think the Big Fella might be working and we have to drive to one of the mines to drop off a trailer we borrowed so that we didn't leave so much behind.


I'm looking forward to becoming part of the community here and finding ways to contribute.  I can just imagine being one of those cake-baking small-town women.  Kind of like a Stepford Wife :-D


Oh!  And there's a paddock across the road with a mare and foal! The Little Big Fella wants to go over there all the time to talk to them and pat them.  Thankfully they're quite friendly and he's learning how to treat them properly.

The Little Big Fella eating and trying to say hi to the foal.

Hopefully I'll give you a bit of a tour of the house and town over the next few days so you can see a little bit of what it's like here.  But for now, it's way too late and I'm going to bed!  Goodnight all!