When the Little Big Fella was first born, there was a long period of time (about 2 years) where I would have said most of the time I hate being a mum. Thankfully, that has changed. Now I only hate it sometimes ;-)
I recently applied for a job that I thought I was perfect for. I did an awesome application then... nothing! No calls, no e-mails, no letters. I didn't even get an interview.
I mentioned a week or so ago that the Little Big Fella received an enrolment offer for kindergarten. As well as being so excited about him growing up, I wasn't sure how it would logistically work if I was working full-time, given the kinder hours.
I'm getting ready to do a challenge with Fit Yummy Mummy starting next week, and I've been thinking about my goals within that. The side effect is that, between FYM and not getting a job I thought I was perfect for, I've also been thinking about my life and what I love about it, but also what I'd like to change.
And I came to the realisation that this is my life! I am a stay-at-home mum. So if this is my life, shouldn't I live it instead of waiting and hoping for something else? I mean, I won't get these years at home with my son again! I want to make the most of them!
You know, there are so many negatives about being a stay-at-home mum. The household income is dependent on one person, you rarely get to go to the loo on your own, your life is consumed with bodily functions (bleuch!), there's a huge amount of pressure to shop well, cook well, clean, educate, entertain, don't use the TV as a babysitter, be happy when your significant other gets home, continue your education, be "present" in every moment of your child's daily life, look after yourself and on and on and on. There is guilt lurking around every corner because, no matter what you're doing there's something else that you should be doing!
But I've been reading a couple of blogs lately that have reminded me of the privilege that I'm currently enjoying as well.
- I get to set my own timetable
- I get to do all kinds of activities with the Little Big Fella
- I get to be his best friend (for now)
- I get to make a home for my son and husband, I get to do things when it suits me (like exercise, shopping, random day trips when the Big Fella has days off)
- I can more strongly influence the health-i-ness of the food in our house
- I get to have "play dates" with all my friends (it has nothing to do with the kids!)
- I get to be silly and laugh and see the world through a little person's eyes again
- I get to be there for every milestone and achievement
- I get to cuddle and kiss away the hurts and fears of my little boy as soon as they occur
- I get to influence every aspect of his life and be the example of what he could be (scary but somewhat inspiring thought)
- I get to ride a motorbike and hear him laugh and giggle
- I get to tickle him and hear that wonderful sound all the time
- I get to plan awesome activities and adventures for us to do
- I have the time to spend with other people whenever they're available, which would be particularly tricky if I was working and had to "fit them in" around work, cooking, cleaning and "family time"
- "Family time" is all the time!
- I get the joys of having animals around the place - and it is a joy because the Little Big Fella loves them so much
- I appreciate the awesomeness of time alone, pampering, shopping for anything other than food, long, hot showers etc. much more when I get to have them
In the next few days I'll be sharing with you one of the effects of all this thinking. Both the Little Big Fella and I are pretty excited about it and I have other plans along similar lines for the future!
Suddenly I'm really excited about this life I'm living. I feel like I'm in control of my own destiny again (I've been a little "blah" the last few weeks, and overly negative) and it feels good! I'm looking forward to my journey again!!!