Blogger's block

I feel like I need to apologise, but I've no doubt you'll all forgive me anyway.  I have a bunch of excuses (starting work, trying to keep my house somewhat clean and orderly, computer dying and it's trickier on the laptop or tablet, Christmas, New Year....) but really, they're just excuses.

Reality is that I have "blogger's block".

I don't feel like I have anything to say that anyone would want to read, and when I do, I don't have the time or energy to put it together (hopefully coherently).

So, let's see if we can break the block by writing this little apology.  Actually, it's not really an apology, given that it's my blog and I can write whenever I want.  But I guess it is an apology in the sense that I know that when I read a blog regularly, I miss it when they take a break, so I apologise if you've missed me.

Okay, let's see if we can break the block by giving a quick recap of what's been happening around here then.

I finally started work at one of the big Australian banks and finally, after two full weeks, managed to balance at the end of the day without having to re-count and re-check all of my work.  I literally did a dance!

Working full-time for two weeks was great and really hard.  It was awesome to be working again - spending so much time around adults, learning, and using my head all the time.  And it was hard not being around my Little Big Fella, trying to keep my house up to scratch, trying to fulfill the commitments I'd made as a non-worker, sitting almost all day, trying to get plenty of sleep and keep up with my workout program.

There were Christmas parties and birthday parties, often on the same day!

And, of course, there was Christmas!

My grandparents were going to join us this year but unfortunately that didn't work out.  But we had a great day!  The Little Big Fella got way too many presents, again!  And we had a fun time playing with all of them :-D

The Big Fella had a sleep in the afternoon (he'd done a string of night shifts with very little sleep in between) and I got a little down, I think because I'm used to Christmas day being full of people.

In the evening we visited some friends.  They'd gotten together with others in their street to hire a blow up waterslide and the Little Big Fella had a good go on it.  There were a few drinks and lots of laughs.  It was a great, relaxing way to end the day.

Boxing Day saw us follow a tradition that began early in our marriage, with Lord of the Rings, actually.  The Big Fella, the Little Big Fella and I went and saw the Hobbit at the cinema, 2 hours away.  It was expensive, and mildly frustrating a couple of times, but I think it's definitely a tradition we'll continue whenever possible.

The days between then and now have been very quiet and homely.  We've caught up with a couple of friends who've remained in town, been to the local pool, avoided the few shops that are near (and all of the ones further away!), practiced on my scooter and the Little Big Fella on his little motorbike, put up our pool and hidden away in the airconditioning from the high 30s to 45 degree days, and slept our way into the New Year.

Do you remember last New Year where I mentioned that I don't like it?  Here's the link if you want to look it up.  I actually happened to wake up 15 minutes before midnight this year and during that time I remembered some of the really bad New Year's Eve "parties" I've been to.

One included being at church (not the bad part - I loved going to church and spending time with the people around me who I considered my family), where the guest speaker actually continued speaking through the countdown to the New Year!

Then there were others (probably most of them really) where, possibly because there was no alcohol involved, we were trying to stay awake until midnight so we could count down, yell "Happy New Year" and go home to bed.

But this year I've added another reason to not like New Year.  And I suspect there will be plenty of people who disagree with me, which is absolutely your prerogative.

Many people seem to think that just because we've changed the number that we write to designate the year, their life will change... without them doing anything differently.  Then they whinge their way through the year, get to the other end and complain about what a horrible year it was and how they can't wait for the new year to begin.

Ummmm, sorry folks, that's not the way it works!

If you want your life to change in any way, big or small, you have to make a change!  Whether it's a new year or not!  And change is hard!  Which is why you haven't done it yet.  And, not only change for a minute or a day, but consistently!  And that sometimes feels impossible!!!

Anyway, I guess I'm off on a tangent, but I guess that means I'm cured of "blogger's block"!

I had a quick look back through my 2013 posts, just to see what I've recorded about our year for you.

• We've had chickens,
• been flooded in,
• the Little Big Fella started kindy and turned 4,
• our house has been painted and we have new furniture,
• we've played with friends,
• the Little Big Fella has spent a lot of time in superhero costumes,
• I joined the CWA and was Treasurer for our playgroup,
• the Easter Bunny and Santa visited, as did my brother, and the Big Fella's parents,
• we visited our old town a few times,
• I rolled our car and we got a brand new one,
• the Little Big Fella and I flew to Melbourne,
• I went to my first "real" concert and P!nk was AWESOME!
• I got a 2nd and 3rd in the state CWA photo competition,
• we went to the local race day,
• I've (possibly excessively) considered various aspects of parenting,
• I cut my hair short (again),
• the Big Fella and I exchanged rings in a private (and moving) ceremony... in our car,
• I've gotten back into papercrafts with some of my friends,
• the Little Big Fella played his first sport (soccer),
• we went to the May Day Fair, and the school fair,
• we've been fishing and swimming and backyard camping,
• we've attempted a sleepover with the Little Big Fella's best friend,
• the Little Big Fella finally worked out how to ride his motorbike by himself,
• I've raised the concept of letting men be manly,
• the Little Big Fella gave some of his face-skin to the concrete, and shared his hand with a knife (thankfully not needing stitches),
• I had some bad days and some bad weeks,
• the Little Big Fella had his first visit to the dentist,
• we had backyard fires and front yard fires, and fires at friends' houses,
• the Little Big Fella played with (manufactured) snow for the first time ever,
• we got airconditioning in our living area!
• the Big Fella turned 40,
• we got a shipping container/workshop,
• the Little Big Fella learned how to teatowel fight,
• we did Halloween again, and ate too many sweets,
• I had a girl's night in,
• I re-learned how to tie balloons and got to do it at two different events,
• the Big Fella and I lost weight, and the Big Fella's kidney health has moved back to the "normal" range,
• we've been to local footy games,
• I ran my first ever fundraiser, and it was a success!
• I've found a million reasons throughout the year to be thankful for my friends and family,
• I totally got into the Christmas spirit in the lead up to Christmas,
• we've had LOTS of fun times with friends at the park, at playgroup, at their houses, at our house,
• we've laughed, a lot,
• the Little Big Fella had his Prep Transition days, and loved them,
• we've spent plenty of time splashing around in water,
• the Little Big Fella and I have done a fair bit of cooking,
• and I've returned to being ScooterShell.

No wonder I've felt so tired these last few weeks!!!!  That was a really big year, with lots of fun times.

Now take a deep breath because 2014 is going to have lots of big moments in it too!  The Little Big Fella is starting real school, we're going to Melbourne in March (as a family), in May (possibly just me) and September (just the Big Fella), I'll be getting my full motorbike license, there'll be birthdays and parties and playtimes and homework and events and competitions and Halloween and Christmas and work and love.  Put that together with whatever "deep" thoughts I dump on y'all, as well as all the random things that you never expect or plan for...

Can I go to sleep now?

Attitude and effects

Yesterday the Little Big Fella and I went and did some supermarket shopping to re-stock for the long weekend.  We also stopped in the discount store for a few bits and pieces.

While we were there, another customer happened to have an armful of items and dropped the lot all over the floor.

Know what my Little Big Fella did?  He said, "don't worry, I'll help you pick them up"!  And he did!

In that moment I was super proud of my boy and felt like I'm doing a pretty decent job as his mum.


This weekend our neighbours have family staying over, and the Little Big Fella gets along really well with the kids.  So today he spent the morning playing over there and they spent the afternoon playing over here.

At one point all the kids were here having a splash in our blow-up pool, so their mum came over to help me supervise them all because, according to her, "my children are the spawn of the devil".

I don't really know this woman.  We've met two or three times over the past 6 months, but in that moment I felt my heart break for those children, and that family.

Between that conversation and this post I read this morning over at Single Dad Laughing, I realised that the words we use and the attitudes we have toward our children create who they are!

Surely there are going to be enough people in your child's life to tear them down and make them feel worthless that you don't have to be one of them!

Surely, as their parent, you should be their safe haven and the place they come to for consolation and reassurance that they're okay!

Surely.

I get that kids are wearing.

I get that sometimes you get sick of saying the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and you feel like you may as well smack your head into a brick wall

I get that there are some things about your kids, and as they get older their decisions that you're not going to like.

I get that.

But one of our roles as parents is to love our kids and make sure they know it!  They need to know how proud we are of them, how brilliant they are, how creative and interesting and beautiful.  They need to hear from their parents that, no matter what happens, they are acceptable to us!

And they need to hear it in our conversations with other adults.

We parents are very human.  But let's not allow that to be an excuse to break our children.

Let's keep trying to improve our communication with our kids, find out all the wonderful things about their personalities and views of the world that we can be proud of and inspired by.

Because our children, no matter who they are or what they do, are beautiful and inspiring and deserve to be loved.  They are, after all, human just like us.

I am Woman

I'm interrupting my Melbourne trip posts because of something that's been on my mind a fair bit lately.

There's been a lot of media coverage here in Australia lately about internet "trolls".  You know, the people who write absolutely horrible things on Twitter and Facebook and blogs that are the complete opposite of "building people up".  They get super personal, super rude, super critical, and downright bitchy!

I've mentioned before that I've joined the local CWA.  Last week I went to the combined AGM for the three closest towns, and the guest speaker talked about re-thinking how we can support the women in our area.  It got me thinking about what the CWA does, what the women around here do, what women and children here need, and how we might be able to meet those needs.

The other day I was speaking to one of the mums in town who is having a really hard time.  She's an awesome mum and an active member of our community, but she's feeling down and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  From what I understand, a part of her suffering is negative comments from other women.

Women are an incredibly strong force!  Individually, we stand up under immense pressures and carry on because it is necessary.

But as a group, we can be even more powerful!

Sometimes we use that power to pull each other down.  This is particularly apparent in High School, where groups of girls can give each other such a hard time.  As indicated above, we're really good at trolling too.

But I'm starting to wonder what might happen if we used this power to help each other up more often.

What if we gave each other big bear hugs more often?  Not just a little greeting, but the kind that makes trouble seem so much smaller.

What if we told others what great mums they are?  How their kids are turning out great and it's obvious that they're loved?

What if we complimented regularly?  Genuine compliments - as simple as, "that's a great colour on you", to deeper ones like, "I really appreciate how you go out of your way to make everyone else's life smoother".

What if women supported one another in every way they could think of, rather than bitching behind their backs and turning the world against them?

What if gossip sessions turned into planning sessions for how to make someone else's day?

I know there are so many groups trying to add happiness to the world.  I guess I'm just wondering how I can be a part of that in my little corner of the world.  And because I'm surrounded by awesome women, how I can include and encourage them too.

And I guess I wonder if women, being such a powerful force, can actually change the world!

Generosity

I've known some very generous people in my life.  People who've been generous with money, yes.  But also people who have been generous with time, skills, love, affection, kind words, praise, encouragement, smiles and laughter.

I'm sure you've met them too.  They are the people who give and give and seem to get such pleasure out of the act of generosity.  They are the ones that, every time you see them, they greet you with a hug or a compliment (or both!).

And generosity seems to just be in their nature!  They seem to do it without thought or concern about how it might affect them.

I love to be around those kind of people!  They make me feel awesome, and they make me want to be better than I am.

I've done a little bragging about my Big Fella.  And I'll do it again (after all, I'm married to the man and I think he's awesome!).  He is very generous!

He's generous with his money.  Not only giving people money, but also in buying things for them (particularly at restaurants with good food and wine - he'll often try to pay the whole bill).

He's generous with his time and skills.  He'll happily give up a day to help a mate build a shed, or fix their car or do whatever handy work needs doing.

He's generous with his praise.  He tells people when he thinks they're great - without going over the top or "blowing smoke up their... ".

My parents hardly had any money when I was growing up but that didn't stop them being generous.  We almost always had people living with us, or staying for a few days or weeks.  And mum would somehow pull food out of the cupboards to feed all the people that would turn up and hang out for the afternoon/evening every Sunday.

I have a new friend on the Fit Yummy Mummy forums who is constantly encouraging others to keep at their weight loss goals, and pointing out where they're winning.

I have a friend who, despite her personal pain and problems, is constantly looking for ways to encourage and help others who have major life issues.

And here's the thing I've noticed: what goes around, comes around!  Call it what you like - karma, sowing and reaping, maybe even fate - but I see it when I look at the lives of these generous people.

They offer their time, goods, love, and encouragement.  And they get it back when they need it.

None of these people are generous because they want to get something from others.  From my observations, they give because they enjoy the ability to give.  Nevertheless, they receive back when they're in need.

And when these people are having a hard time, people seem to jump at the chance to help them!  I've watched the givers being completely overwhelmed by receiving.

And I've watched people who lack generosity.  They are stingy with their money, stingy with their time, stingy with their skills, stingy with encouragement.  In some cases they've even taken from those who have nothing left to give.

And I've seen some of these people fall on bad times.  Then the people around them point to karma or say they got what they deserved.  I've even seen people snicker behind their hands at the downfall of these ones.

It makes me want to give as much as I can, in as many different ways as I can, and find as much joy as I can in the giving.  Not to get anything in return, or even simply from the fear of being the butt of a bad joke, but because I love being around generous people and seeing how happy the act of generosity makes them.  I want me some more of that, please!

What luck!

Last week I watched a segment on 60 Minutes about a guy who found his family in India using Google Earth.  The basic gist was that he was born in a small town in India, got lost when he was 5, struggled, was adopted by an Australian couple, and when Google Earth came out, used it to find where he'd grown up, then went and found his mum.

The thing about the story that struck me was that it had been advertised as a "lucky chance" that he'd found his home town and mum.  "Just like that" was the phrase used.

But when I watched the story, it wasn't "just like that" at all!  He'd spent years (about five or seven years from memory) searching along all of the train lines that left from Calcutta (where he ended up).  He worked hard all day, spent time with his Australian family, then spent hours every night searching and searching.

That's not luck!  That's persistence!

I get to see that kind of "luck" in action regularly.

The Big Fella is definitely a "lucky" guy!  I mean, for starters he has me ;-)

But seriously folks.

Let's take a look at just his work life for example.  When we first met, the Big Fella was a mechanic for a small, family-owned garage.  He worked hard and tried to do the best job, and make the most money for his boss.  He was, essentially, the foreman in that workplace and ended up working with them for about 10 years.

Through various contacts, he had the opportunity to work for a high performance workshop.  They transformed cars from regular, run-of-the-mill cars, to high performance machines that probably shouldn't have been driven on normal roads!

While he was there he learned how to re-build an engine, mostly in his own time.  He worked long hours, studied manuals at home, talked to as many experts in the field as he could and made himself an invaluable employee for his boss.  He also talked the fabrication guys into teaching him how to weld well.

While he was there, he had the opportunity to participate in creating an awesome vehicle for the Army's promotion team.  They had to design and build it from scratch.  Again, there were looooooonnnnnnnggggg hours (several all-nighters from memory), and lots of learning from books and other experts.

When we decided to move north, the Big Fella ended up working in a regular workshop again, making pretty average money, but giving his best to make as much money as he could for his employer.

He ended up working pro bono for a transmission specialist in his lunch hours and after work, learning how to rebuild and repair transmissions.  He spent long hours learning from that man, and reading everything he could get his hands on so that he understood everything he could about those machines.  Eventually he was offered a position in that workshop.

Later the Big Fella worked for himself, using the skills he had learned to build a great little business.  He worked long hours and did everything he could to satisfy his customers.

One of those customers told him about the train driving job.  And now we're here.  He's making good money.  We get to do some fun stuff because we live in the country.  Yeah, he's "lucky".

Some people will always look at "lucky" people and bemoan that their own life is no good.  They don't see the hours of effort that have gone into making that "luck".  They don't see the sacrifices along the way.  They don't see the discussions and painful backwards steps and the wondering if it's all worth it.

They don't see that "luck" is often made, not granted.

I wonder what kind of "luck" you're making today?  What will the efforts that I put in today, effect in my future?  What will the lessons I'm learning right now translate to?  What kind of "luck" do I want in my life?  And what am I willing to do today to make it happen?

Overcoming fear

I think the Little Big Fella had just turned two years old when he got his first bike... motorbike, that is.  The Big Fella bought it and "tested" it at work:

And the Little Big Fella loved it from Day 1!

He literally did (and does) sit on it and pretend to be riding!

So either the Big Fella or I would jump on the back with the Little Big Fella and take him for rides around the yard, or just up the road to a big paddock, or around the lagoons.

At that point he was riding a pushbike with a handle on the back.  He couldn't steer in a straight line, so we had to "adjust" his trajectory for him.

Over time he's gotten great at riding his pushy.  He and I used to ride along the Esplanade on our bikes, and he even got to the point of riding over the ramps at the park.

When he ruined his "old" pushbike (I'm not sure toddler bikes are designed for skate ramps), the Big Fella bought him a really good BMX-style bike.  It's tough and should last for at least a couple of years.  Unlike his previous bike, which had back-pedal brakes, this one has handle-bar brakes.

During our rides together on the motorbike, we'd gotten to the point that the Little Big Fella did the majority of the steering and throttle control.

So now the Little Big Fella had developed the ability to ride in a straight line, and the ability to use handle-bar brakes, and an understanding of how to use the throttle.  In theory, he could ride his motorbike all by himself.

In theory.

The problem is, he was too afraid.

The Little Big Fella had the skills he needed, he just needed the confidence in his abilities.

The Big Fella tried forcing the Little Big Fella to do it on his own.  But that seemed to make him more afraid.  He tried coercion, to no avail.

How do you help someone overcome their fear?

Sometimes the solution is to build that confidence little by little.

The Big Fella somehow got the Little Big Fella to sit on the motorbike all by himself.  That in itself was a bit of a feat!

Then Daddy got his son to keep his feet on the ground and move forward just a foot.

And then a little bit more.

And then a couple of big steps.

And then a couple of metres.

And then along one side of the yard.

And then he was off!  (Cautiously.)

The dogs thought it was great fun running around with him (possibly the most exercise they've had in a little while!).

The Little Big Fella was so impressed with himself!!!

Daddy started riding my pushbike around to keep up with the Little Big Fella, but then decided that his big motorbike was a much better idea!

The Little Big Fella wanted to show me, and then he wanted all his friends to come around and see him do it.  And then he wanted to ride all yesterday, and all of today, and will probably ask first thing tomorrow morning!

The Big Fella was so impressed and excited that he called his parents, then my parents (who are part of the Ulysses) to brag.

It is definitely a momentous day in my son's life!

The whole process got me thinking a bit about fear though.  The Little Big Fella had what he needed to move forward, but fear stopped him for months!  And I wonder how many times I've let fear hold me back.  And how many times others have helped me moved forward, little bit by little bit, until I realised I could do it on my own!

Maybe it's time to take a leaf out of my son's book and overcome a little (or big) fear.

Cooking with Mum

The Little Big Fella is very tall for his age.  In some ways, he also seems older than a three and a half year old.  So sometimes we forget that he's only 3.

Over the past week he has wanted to cook with me.  Great right?  Well, mostly.  See, cooking to him involves handling our (very) sharp knives, and stirring the pots on the stove.  And he's, well, he's rather a determined little man and is harder to distract these days.

So, I've been letting him cook with me.  (I'm pretty sure I mentioned this briefly the other day.)  He has cut up vegetables, and his bread crusts (to feed the chickens), and he handles the knives amazingly well.  He's developing ridiculously good fine motor skills!

(Meanwhile, I'm standing right there, watching him moving his fingers out of the way - on the one hand SO proud of him, and on the other considering how quickly I can get to the first aid box if he slips!)

And the other day he used the mortar and pestle for me.  Now there's a great job for a little boy!!!

Pounding away!

Checking to see if the texture is right yet ;-)

I'm sure I've mentioned before, but I believe that part of my role as a parent is to ensure my child is capable and independent enough to cope with each stage of life as it comes.  Ultimately, I want him to be able to leave home ;-)

But one of the challenges I'm finding is working out when to let him do some things.

I wonder if 3 is too young to handle a sharp knife?

Sun damage and stubborness

We've had a big couple of days around here!  Yesterday was filled with an early start, playgroup and a trip to our nearest major town (an hour away).  And today included a Nutrimetics party at a friends' place, a bit of housework, a movie and a big play at the park.

Our little peep-peeps are growing quickly and quite enjoying the time they get outside in their chook yard.  Unfortunately, because they are so young and the chook yard has no roof, and the fencing is a little too widely spaced so they could get through it, they don't get to go out there alone so they only get 15-30 minutes outside at this stage.  We're considering an alternative to their current box so that they can be out in the chook yard by themselves and still be safe.

At the Nutrimetics party today the consultant had an ultra-violet box that shows the condition of your skin.  I have some pretty serious sun damage, which on the one hand was surprising, and on the other a bit obvious.  I mean, the Little Big Fella and I are outside pretty much every day unless it's raining and I've gotten out of the habit of using sunscreen.  It was a bit confronting though.

The main reason for our shopping adventure yesterday was to get a new bike helmet for the Little Big Fella.  His old one fell apart - the plastic covers came off - and then the dogs chewed on the styrofoam shell.  The best place to get a helmet was the toy shop so the Little Big Fella was seriously distracted!  Eventually we got him to focus enough to choose a helmet.  He chose a Bumblebee (from Transformers) helmet.

The Big Fella was not impressed!  See, when the Little Big Fella tried it on, the helmet, which is shaped like a car, looked SO odd on top of his head!  The Big Fella tried to encourage him to a different, more plain helmet but the Little Big Fella was adamant!!!  He wanted this one!  In the end I had to convince the Big Fella that the Little Big Fella had decided on what he wanted and, as we'd given him the choice, we should go with what he'd decided.

This afternoon the Little Big Fella wore his new helmet to the park and all the kids thought his helmet was cool!

My son has a fairly strong temperament.  This is a constant source of clashes between us and I have to decide what's worth fighting for almost every day.  But the thing that encourages me is that he is more likely to be a leader than a follower and less likely to be swayed by peer pressure.  That makes me proud!

Not that I had much to do with that part of his personality - that has the Big Fella written all over it :-D

The Big Fella has 3 days off starting tomorrow so it's likely to be busy around here :-D  I wonder what we'll get up to next???

Daddy, I love you

Back in May I dedicated a post to my Mum.  Well, I've been planning to do this for a while, and seeing that tomorrow is Father's Day here in Australia, it's time to do a post for my Dad.

I was really lucky because my Dad worked from home for most of my growing up years.  That meant he always had time for me.  Even with three siblings, I always felt like he had time for me.

Dad spent a lot of time in the car over the years!  He drove me and my three siblings to school when it was wet, various friends' places and events and all the things that kids and then pre-drivers get up to :-)  And he was always happy to do it!  I don't recall him ever complaining about it, or even being slightly grumpy.  I'm a bit in awe of that actually!

I think my strongest memories of my Dad are the times that he drove me to dance classes.  It would be just him and me in the car most of the time and I could pick his brains about anything.  We had a great, communicative relationship anyway, but driving time was the best!

I was certain my Dad knew everything, because, like most little girls I guess, my Dad was my hero!  And he did have an answer for all my questions!

See, Mum was my practical wisdom go-to person, but Dad was my philosophical wisdom go-to person.  And I loved exploring the goods and evils of the world with him, the whys and wherefores of schoolground politics, how I should react to the mean boys or nasty girls, or the boring teachers ;-).  Dad was a pastor so I also talked about all aspects of Christianity with him too.  He explained stuff that was way over my head in ways that really made sense to me.

Dad also ran (with Mum and some other people) a primary (elementary) school aged youth group.  It was so fun!  It was kind of based around Scouts so we did lots of games and stories, but also learned life skills like map reading, lighting fires, rescuing people and basic first aid.  I was always so proud of how much Dad knew and how well he taught it, and that my friends got to see how lucky I was.

And I always knew how lucky I was to get the Dad I got.  I knew, without a doubt that my Dad loved (and still does love) me!  He gave me time, knowledge, patience, wisdom, computer skills, and a framework for viewing and evaluating my life.  There is no way I would be the person I am today without my Dad!

We had lots of fun with Dad too!  He instilled in us a love for playing cards and board games.  I'm pretty sure almost every school holidays included us all playing Rummiking or Threes together.  And those times were full of laughter. 

And, of course, the days out in the bush running around, following Dad rock jumping along rivers and creeks, lighting the fire and cooking snags (sausages) for lunch, then finishing off with some toasted marshmallows or damper with lots of butter and jam.

Dad always had music on in the house too. The radio or a cassette (showing my age), and always a whole range of music - international music, Christian, pop, rock, and others.  I don't think we had much classical or opera in the house, but I love the range of music that he introduced me to.

When I was a pre-schooler, Dad flew small planes and I remember flying with him when I was only 3 or 4 and feeling so safe, even when the plane got a bit bouncy from turbulence.  Thanks to him I've never been afraid to fly!

As I got older, my Dad was still the person I went to if I was feeling blown about by the world.  He is a rock of reason and comfort.  The times I've felt like I had it all figured out and then the rug gets pulled out from under me, Dad has been a solace, helping me to find my feet again.

Now that I'm all grown up and married and have a child of my own, I'm still inspired by my Dad.  As he and Mum go out and re-create their life in many ways, Dad inspires me to discover and re-discover the things I love; To expand my horizons and stretch my boundaries; To reconsider the things that I thought I'd written off and see if they actually still fit me; To value friendships, old and new; to dare to live the life that I've been given.

My Dad is a romantic and writes great letters and cards.  Birthdays, Christmas and other card-giving occasions always included specific mentions of the things he loved about us or was proud of or thankful for.  I don't know about my siblings, but it always makes me feel so special and loved.

Dad isn't a handy man - he doesn't fix things or rebuild cars or much along that line.  But he taught us what he did know and always made me feel loved.    And I think that's THE most important thing for a father to do - make sure your kids feel special and loved, and know that you're proud of them.

Dad, you score 100% on that one!  I love you so much and am SO grateful to have been blessed with you for a father!  Being this far away has its particularly sucky parts, like not being able to share a great meal and bottle of wine with you tomorrow.  But I want you to know that I value the impact you've had on me, and the love you give.  You're still my hero Daddy and I miss you so much.  I hope you have a great day tomorrow and I'm looking forward to calling you and having a good ol' chat :-D  I love you heaps!

Life, love and the end of it all

I've watched a couple of movies over the past few days, and had a couple of conversations that have got me thinking about the big issues: life, love and death.

What's the meaning of life?  What makes a good life?
Is love the most important thing?  And if so, what does that look like?
What happens when you die?  What does it feel like?  And how come some people seem quite ready to go, while others are hanging on with every ounce of effort they have?

See?  The big issues!

And I'm not even going to attempt to answer any of those questions here because I suspect the answers are either unobtainable or completely individual.

But, because I have a blog, and because this is what I've been contemplating, I'll do a little bit of blurting and processing and see what we come up with :-D

We watched "Meet Joe Black" the other night.  I love that movie!  I love the concept of it, I love "death"'s naive, semi-vulnerable character, I love the presentation of the big themes of life.  I love the way they present the concept of a striking love that lasts a lifetime, where each knows the worst of the other and is still happy to hang around.

Which reminded me of a scene in "Good Will Hunting" where Robin Williams' character is recalling his dead wife.  He remembers all the odd, quirky habits that made her unique, and these were the things that he missed most about her.

Which got me thinking about the quirkiness of my husband and son.

The Big Fella snores... and I love it!  When we first got married I remember laying in bed next to him (weird concept, but we didn't sleep together until then) and trying to stifle my laughter as I listened to the unique rhythm of his breathing.  I love it!

I love the way he responds to books and movies.  I love his insatiable appetite for knowledge, and that his integrity and character mean I can trust him with my heart and my life.

I fell in love with my son the moment he was born (which is lucky for both of us or we might not have survived those first few years).  I'd never believed in the concept of love at first sight until then.  And I know not everyone has that experience.  But ever since that moment I have been privileged to discover my amazing Little Big Fella's quirks and personality.  I'm learning that, like his dad, he's not a follower.  He has a fantastic sense of humour.  He's a little bit precocious.  He is imaginative and sensitive and such a boy!

I am so privileged to have amazing people in my life!  Not just my boys, but friends (old and new) and family.

We watched "Eat, Pray, Love" this evening.  My favourite part of the movie is when she's in Italy because she experiences the amazing phenomena of friendship and family.  I am seriously lucky to have grown up in a wonderful family!  I am the oldest of four children and my parents are still together and very much in love, as are my grandparents.  My parents worked really hard to make sure we spoke to, and treated each other with respect.  Yep, we fought like siblings do, but we have always loved each other, and the impact of growing up in that environment is indescribable!

I also grew up in the church, which, for me was an extension of my family.  They supported and challenged me.  We had a lot of fun times together.  And every time we moved towns, the church was like an instant family wherever we went.

For me, life seems to be about people and your relationships with them.  When people get close to death, they seem to want to spend as much time as they can with the people they love.  And I'm guessing the more people you love, or the more you've invested in those relationships, the happier your life is and the more content you'll be when it comes to an end.

Letting go

Last night we happened to switch channels and caught the second half of "Politically Incorrect Parenting".  Oh my goodness it made me laugh!


Nigel Latta was talking about the five myths of parenting and the thing I mostly got out of it (other than laughter) was that much of the parenting advice we read or hear doesn't really help - it just makes us feel inadequate.  Most of us are now so afraid of letting our kids experience the full gamut of emotions and experiences in the world (including risk!) because we think it will break them, either physically or emotionally.  But in actual fact, we smother them, making them useless in the real world.


They did a little case study on a school that has brought back monkey bars and all those "rough" games that were banned.  The kids are encouraged to climb trees and play tackle games.  They've even extended recess times to allow the kids to really get rid of their energy, saying that it actually makes class time more productive.


The Principal of the school said a bunch of things that really made sense to me.  One of them was that they were aiming to give children a childhood.  Let them learn and explore and compete.


I've spoken to lots of parents who are frustrated by the restrictions we place on our kids but don't feel that it's safe enough to remove those restrictions.  And us mothers in particular are almost slaves to our children - we make their lunches because they're not responsible enough to pack healthy stuff, we walk them to school because they'll get hurt if we don't... we wrap them in cotton wool and then wonder why they're so afraid and unadventurous!  And unable to work out solutions to the big and little problems of life.


This afternoon the Little Big Fella wanted to go across the road to see the horses but the Big Fella and I were having a drink and a conversation.  So we let him go by himself.  He ran gleefully down the driveway, got himself through the gate without letting the puppies out, ran to the road and stopped.


I'd been watching from upstairs (not quite ready to let go completely just yet - he is only 3!) and thought he'd run straight on to the road.


But he stopped.


He looked carefully both ways.


Then he continued running over to the horses and had a great time talking to them and patting the mare's nose.


My mothers' heart melted.  My little boy is learning some of the steps to being independent!


I packed his lunch and some snacks in his lunchbox today because there was a possibility we'd be out around lunchtime.  He helped himself to the food throughout the afternoon and was happy!  So was I because he wasn't hassling me constantly (he eats a lot some days).


When he goes to school in a couple of years, he will be making his own lunch and walking or riding to school by himself.


Sure, he might need some help initially, and I'll walk or ride with him until I think he's capable on his own, but my job as a parent is to help my son develop his independence until he's able to live in the world on his own and leave our home as an adult.  That doesn't start the day before he turns 18!  It has to start now!  Or else he won't be ready and I will have done him the greatest disservice.


I'm not willing to let that happen.  And I will fight, if I have to, to make sure that he is not pandered to, molly coddled and given unrealistic expectations of what life is really like!


I don't want a mamma's boy who can't look after himself, do his laundry, be hygienic, or control his own finances.  Inasmuch as I can, I will help my son become a great friend, worker, and hopefully partner.


Gosh I gotta lotta work ahead of me :-D


And balancing my expectations of both myself and my son is going to be tricky sometimes.  But I think if I keep in mind that neither of us are perfect, and the goal is independence, we might just figure it out well enough.

The long process of friendship

As I was growing up my family moved towns a couple of times.  I also lived overseas for a year.  With each new location I got to (had to?) start the long process of developing friends.


I've realised a few things about me and making friends through these experiences:

• Although I normally get along with people pretty much straight away, it generally takes me about 12 months to really feel at home with new friends, longer if we have infrequent contact
• After about 3 to 6 months the previous town no longer feels like home and I tend to feel home-less
• I can appear to be a bit of a snob initially.  I think this is because I tend to be a bit guarded until I get a feel for how new people or groups interact.  And I am a tiny bit shy in new situations (I know, some of you just won't believe that.  I've learned to override it a lot but it's still there making me uncertain to begin with).
• I think I am a bit of a chameleon in that I change to look like the group I'm in until I feel comfortable enough to really be myself.  I love it when I just click with someone and can be myself straight away though.

I've been watching myself as I meet new people and then run into them around the place here.  (Go the over-analytical part of me!)  I've deliberately tried to talk to people and introduce myself.  I've tried really hard to remember names, which is okay if I meet one or two people at a time but a bit harder in a group.  I've tried to join in conversation rather than just observe.  And I've tried to remember to ask questions about others and their life, rather than just making them lead the conversation.

I got to hang out for a while this afternoon with one of the mums I met at the local park.  It was so good to just spend time and have the kids playing happily together (mostly).  I found out a bit more about the area and how things work and what's here and so on.  And I discovered someone who enjoys making things from scratch like yoghurt and butter and cheesecake :-D!!!  I got to begin the long process of friendship.

So now I think it must be my turn to start having people over for a cuppa and a playdate and a chat and the start or development of friendship.  Because I don't want to get a few years down the track and feel like I know people but have no friends.  I think I deserve better than that... and so do they! ;-)

My 100th post, dedicated to my Mum

Wow!  I'm up to my hundredth post already!  Who'd have thought I'd keep going this long and that people would still find it at least slightly interesting!


Now, what could I say that would be worthy of this milestone?


I think, especially with tomorrow being Mother's Day, I'm really don't have any other choice but to dedicate this post to my Mum.


I'm the oldest of four children and Mum stayed home with us until my brother, the youngest, started school.  Times were often tough and Mum somehow made the budget stretch to keep us all fed, clothed and entertained.


I think Mum sometimes feels like she didn't do the best job (I wonder if that's just how most all Mums feel, at least sometimes) but I know that my sisters, brother and I know she's awesome!  I mean, how many people do you know that could successfully keep 4 kids in line, not only with strong discipline but also plenty of love?


Although I know she was strict, that's not what I remember.  I remember the fun dinners with a colour theme, dressing up, baking slices, learning the 1-2-1 formula for a basic white sauce, tramping around in the bush and lighting a campfire, her incredible wisdom and the best hugs in the world!


Mum is creative in a million ways!

• She has some great crafty skills and style.
• I don't think I've ever read or heard of a thrifty skill or idea that I haven't seen her employ.
• She can make a meal stretch from feeding 6 people to feeding 20 with barely any notice!
• She can make a meal when there's nothing in the cupboard!
• She can turn a boring wet day into an awesome adventure.
• She can make the Women's Weekly birthday cake book cake of your choice and it will look awesome :-)

I got to work at the same place with my Mum for several years and the thing I noticed, the thing that stood out about her compared to everyone else there, was that the Mum I grew up with, who made me feel safe, comfortable and at home, was the person others got to meet.  Mum has a wonderful sense of hospitality and an amazing ability to put people at ease.  Whenever we had new staff she'd just take them under her wing and make them feel comfortable and relaxed and welcome.  She'd help them settle in.  And it wasn't her defined role that made this happen, it was her personality and unique skills.

My husband jokes that when I'm in a bad mood I need to speak to or visit my Mum.  When we lived in the same town he'd bundle me into the car and we'd drop round for a visit.  He says that she somehow makes me happier in a way that he doesn't know how to.

I remember as I was growing up, so many times wondering how my Mum got to be so wise.  She always knew the right thing to say (even on the odd occasion when I didn't want to hear it).  She was my comfort, a source of challenge, my most trusted adviser and confidant.

Since having the Little Big Fella I have appreciated even more how unique and wonderful my Mum is.  The hours of care, the constant encouragement, the wisdom, the stamina and the love my Mum has shown to me and my siblings blows me away.

Mum, I love you!  If you couldn't tell, I think you're awesome!  I miss you and I always love talking to you.  I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day and that the others still in Victoria do their best to spoil you like you deserve (I know they will).  Big cyber hugs and kisses (and a tissue coz you probably need one too).  I love you Mum.

We're here and back online

We're here!!!!  We're finally in our new (to us) house in our new town.  And the computer is back online :-D


WARNING:  This has the potential to be a long post!  I mean, I've been offline for 4 whole days!!!!


The first thing I want to say is that I quite like our new little town of about 360 people.  It definitely has that small-town community feel (although I've heard the gossip is amazing but have yet to experience that).  I like the feel of the place and the people I've spoken to so far have been so lovely!


The Big Fella arrived with the truck on Monday night.  He had a guy from work driving it for him who used to work as a removalist.  They looked around at everything that had to go in the truck and got really worried.  The Big Fella has a lot of mechanical equipment!


We did some more packing, slept and woke early feeling pretty good.  Things kinda went downhill from there.


The few boxes I had left to pack took me until after lunch.


The guys had serious issues getting everything into the truck and, despite his mate's experience and skill, not everything fit and it took until after 4pm to finish packing it.


The Little Big Fella was excited about it all and wanted to help and see what was happening.  Therefore, he got in the way a lot.  And he talked like there was no tomorrow!  Especially calling out to "Dad" to "watch this" and so on.  He was really good but it was pretty tricky having him around.


The cleaning took so long!  Again, I have to give a big shout out to my sister who really rescued me.  She pretty much cleaned all the walls in the house while I was packing and she did an awesome job.  She had to go get her boys at 4, by which time I was pretty much ready to start the floors.  


Except the Big Fella needed help moving stuff out of downstairs into the shed so that Poppy could collect and store it for us for a few weeks.


By this time the Little Big Fella was tired and hungry and wanted to go to Poppy's and have lots of hugs.  I was tired and pretty much beyond it and my brain was completely frazzled.  The Big Fella was exhausted and sore but holding up pretty well.


We finally locked the doors at about 6pm.


We drove our two cars to my grandparents' place and I started bringing in things for our overnight stay.  At this point I remembered thinking as I locked the house, "I should double-check the cupboards.  No, I already did that earlier today." You guessed it, I'd left my clothes for the next few days in the closet.  I couldn't even have a shower because I had nothing to change into.


After a moment of being completely incapacitated, I decided to have dinner, shower the Little Big Fella and get him off to sleep, then go and collect the keys from the landlord, get my bag, return the keys then come back.  Poppy decided that he and the Big Fella should do that though so we all ate dinner (which tasted amazing!!! after such a long day) first then went off to do what needed doing.


After a shocking night's sleep, we woke at 3:30am and prepared to set off.  Again, the Little Big Fella was brilliant at waking up so early and was excited to be travelling in the new car with Daddy, while Mummy followed in the ute.


The drive was pretty good and watching the sun come up through the foggy patches was beautiful.  I also saw two falling stars, which I've not seen in the whole 6 years that I've lived in Queensland!


Unfortunately I was SO tired and really struggled for a while with driving safely.  I realised at two points that I'd actually nodded off briefly, having micro-sleeps.  Completely freaked out and called the Big Fella's mobile.  Talking to him helped me wake up then I turned on some Ugly Kid Joe and wound down the window (it was cold outside) and ate some Smarties and Jelly Beans.  At our next stop the Big Fella bought me an energy drink (I never drink them) and I didn't have any troubles for the rest of the day.

Driving behind the Big Fella on the highway coming close to our new town.

As we got closer to the new town I started getting a little nervous.  Would I like it here?  What's the house like?  Will I feel completely isolated?  Will we be happy?  Will we actually achieve our financial goals?


But as we came in to town and I looked around (while trying to drive and get a sense of direction in the town) and felt calmed.


Then we got to the house and I knew!  I knew it would be months of cleaning inside and I nearly cried.  The grass was overgrown, the yard was fairly bare, the edges had been burned with chemicals and there was dead grass all over the paths.


The Big Fella took me upstairs and it was better and worse than I expected.  


The actual house, its layout and furnishings were better than I expected.  The cleanliness factor was worse.


The windows (oh God!  More windows!) were milky with dirt and dust and the tracks were definitely not clean.


There were dead bugs and gecko droppings everywhere.


The floor needed a vacuum.


The walls weren't clean.


Sigh.


After looking around and assessing the "damage" I started prioritising in my head and realised that it wouldn't be clean this week, or possibly even this month, but I would work on each room bit by bit and get it to the point where I could look around and not think, "Oh, I need to do that too!".


The guys unloaded everything from the truck to under the house (it's enclosed and has a concrete floor, which I quickly swept out first - there was dried grass everywhere).  Then they had a drink and took the truck back to the next major town.


The Little Big Fella and I went for a little walk to the end of the street (about 200 metres maybe) to the little park.  There were kids everywhere and several parents camped out on rugs and camping chairs.  I met several of them and had a good chat and the Little Big Fella ran around happily.


While the Big Fella was gone I thought several times that I should check the hot water.  After thinking it the third time I finally stopped and checked.


Sure enough, it was cold.


No worries!  I'll just turn it on!  Ha!  There was no switch on the unit itself and I couldn't find where the power came from.  I was sore and tired and trying to keep the Little Big Fella happy and nearly in tears.  What could I do???


Mum to the rescue!!!  I called her and had a chat and she suggested checking the power box.  Easy as flicking the switch and the hot water was on!  Thanks Mum!  We had a good little chat after that too.


Over the last few days we've started unpacking, got the kitchen in useable order, cleared the lounge/dining area so that we can sit and relax when we're not unpacking, and set up the drawers and shelves around the place so that we have somewhere to unpack to.  We've also transferred the new car into our names, been shopping at the supermarket in the next town, and removed everything from the Big Fella's room at the quarters where he's been living for the past 6 months.


The Big Fella is now at his first work shift since our arrival.  The Little Big Fella kind of freaked out when he left.  I don't think he realised that Daddy wasn't going away for weeks, but would be back in the morning.  He'll get the hang of it soon enough.


There's a big festival on this weekend, including a rodeo, markets and free kids rides.  We're hoping to head on over to the next town to enjoy it, although I think the Big Fella might be working and we have to drive to one of the mines to drop off a trailer we borrowed so that we didn't leave so much behind.


I'm looking forward to becoming part of the community here and finding ways to contribute.  I can just imagine being one of those cake-baking small-town women.  Kind of like a Stepford Wife :-D


Oh!  And there's a paddock across the road with a mare and foal! The Little Big Fella wants to go over there all the time to talk to them and pat them.  Thankfully they're quite friendly and he's learning how to treat them properly.

The Little Big Fella eating and trying to say hi to the foal.

Hopefully I'll give you a bit of a tour of the house and town over the next few days so you can see a little bit of what it's like here.  But for now, it's way too late and I'm going to bed!  Goodnight all!

My top 10 tips for moving

I know!  There are tons of suggestions online to help you when you're moving.  But I figured I'd add my two cents worth anyway :-D


(I was remiss in not noting when I first posted this that these tips are my mum's and I am re-learning their importance.  Mum is the moving Queen!  When they move, they have everything clean, in place and unpacked by no later than the next day, and normally on actual moving day.  And she never seems flustered or stressed about it - just busy.  I love you mum - you're my hero!)


1. If you can afford it, hire a removalist and/or cleaner.  I dream of moving this way one day :-)


2. Start early!  No matter how organised you are, and how clean you think your house is, it will take longer than you think to get it all packed and clean.  I'd recommend starting everything a week earlier than you think you need to. Even if you're all done early, a quick dust/wipe is much easier and quicker than a full clean.

3. Make a list.  I know, I'm a list freak!  This post is an example.  And here are my current lists:

But even if you're not generally a fan of lists, I really recommend making a list of each room in your house and the things you need to do in that room for it to be "finished".  You may like to check everything off as you go or just read through it when you think you're done to make sure nothing has been forgotten.

You may also need a list of other things you need to do such as:

• Redirecting your mail
• Arranging for your utilities to be turned off/on
• Paying the bills in advance

4. Get rid of stuff.  We all do it.  We buy something on sale but never end up using it.  Or we keep that thing "just in case" and the opportunity to use it never arises.  We plan to fix that shirt/toy/frame but never get around to it.  We have old clothes in our cupboard for when we get back in shape.  But basically our house is just filling up with stuff we don't want, use, love or need.

Now is the perfect opportunity to get rid of it!  Why pack and move things that you don't want, use, love or need???  What a waste of time, energy and packing materials!!!

5. Invest in good packing materials.  There are lots of places where you can get free boxes (eg. Bunnings, supermarkets, recycle dumpsters), but it's really worth making sure you have good, strong boxes and that you fill them completely.  When you stack the boxes up you don't want them collapsing, or worse, spilling their contents everywhere!  Try to get ones that are the same dimensions so that they stack neatly - it'll make your job on moving day that much easier.


And don't forget the tape!  If you can afford it, buy a good tape dispenser (don't get a cheap one - they're not worth it).  But definitely buy the good quality tape.  It sticks to the boxes better and basically keeps everything much more secure.


You will also need a marker or two.  I got a little crazy this time and bought coloured markers.  I used a different colour for each room/area then stacked my boxes in room piles.  I'm hoping it'll make it easier at the other end but it's probably just me being overly organisational :-D


Also, don't forget to write exactly what's in your boxes and the room it is for. Writing "SHED" and "Tools" is probably not going to be especially helpful if you have 10 boxes of "Tools" and you're specifically looking for your battery drill so that you can get the beds together and the kids are screaming because they're completely exhausted.


6. Use quality cleaning products.  It's worth purchasing good cleaning products because they make the job go so much quicker and with much less elbow grease.  I highly recommend:

• Good quality microfibre cloths.  I especially love the ones that are designed for glass because they work with just water and they don't leave fluff everywhere.
• Liquid sugar soap is awesome for cleaning ceilings and walls.  If you have a flat mop (the ones with the removable pads), use that to make the job quicker and easier.
• Magic Erasers - these things really are awesome and work on almost all marks that I've tried.  You do need to be a bit careful though because they sometimes remove the paint so make sure you test them out (try inside the cupboard - scuff marks perhaps) first.

7. Take a break.  Yeah, there's heaps to do but if you kill yourself you won't make it to the end.  Take 15 minute breaks for drinking water, having a healthy snack or lunch, and going to the loo.  Sit down and rest while you're having your break so that you can recharge for the next attack.

8. Accept help!  When someone offers to help, make a time and date with them straight away.  Even if it turns out you don't need help, packing and cleaning with a friend is not only quicker, but way more fun!  And if you get everything done, you can go out for coffee :-D

9. Have a last/first box.  This is the box that you pack last and open first.  It will have:

• Clean sheets for each of the beds
• Clean towels
• The kettle and hot drink items (tea, coffee, sugar, milk - small UHT cartons can come in handy here, mugs, teaspoon/s)
• Things for breakfast (toaster, bread, plates, butter, knife, spread/s, and/or cereal, milk - again UHT is the go if you won't have a way of keeping your milk very cold, bowl/s, spoon/s)
• Anything else you need straight away even if you don't unpack any other boxes (for example, we'll need our curtains and rods at our new place)

10. Make it fun!  Moving can be seriously stressful!  But it can also be a great time.  I mean, it's the exciting start of a new phase in your life right?  So turn up some fun music (careful of offending neighbours of course), get others to help (many hands make light work!), and don't forget to have some food and drinks available for you and your helpers throughout the day (and the stronger stuff for when it's all done and you're just chillin' out in your new place with your mates).