Loved and lost

I just found out tonight that a friend of mine has died.  She died several months ago but I'm feeling awful that I didn't know and didn't have the opportunity to support her and those who loved her so much at the end of her life.

I've had so many wonderful people come in and out of my life.  I've lived in several towns and made friends with many, almost family with some.

But the reality of my life is that I've lost contact with people who have been incredibly dear to me.  And even though we have have Facebook and e-mail and Skype and relatively cheap phone calls, I have lost some of these connections.

The pragmatic part of me points out that it would be impossible to maintain the intensity of friendships that I have had.  I literally don't have enough time.

But I guess I just wanted to take this moment to say to those of you that read this post;

"Thank you for being my friend.  The times that we had are as rich and dear to me now as they were then.  I miss you and I am so grateful to have known you."

Decisions, decisions

I always loved the Magic 8 ball.

I never had one, mind you.  But I loved the idea of it.

You see, I'm not an indecisive person, per se, but some decisions are hard.  It would be kind of nice to let someone, or something else decide for you sometimes.

Should we have another child?
My sources say no

Should we buy a new car?
Outlook good

Will we ever actually buy a house?
You may rely on it

Although, it might get a little frustrating if it gave answers like, "Reply hazy, try again", or "Cannot predict now", or "Better not tell you now"!

I can understand why people are so interested in fortune tellers, psychics, mediums and the like.  Being a responsible adult can be bloody hard work!  It can be hard to know which way to go, and if you make such-and-such a decision, what impact will that have on this, that and the other.

But palming off the decision to someone or something else is a cheats way through life!  I mean, it's your life!  And making the decisions about it is what makes it yours, for good, or for bad.

My parents had a great way of making hard decisions, one that I'd forgotten about until just recently but have probably used subconsciously many times.  After considering pros and cons, potential impacts of choosing this way or that way, and all the other decision-making steps that might be available to them, they'd decide one way or the other.

Then they'd sit on it.

For 24 hours, they'd live as if the decision had been made and was final.  And they'd see how they felt about that.  Was it a relief?  Did it make them feel unsettled or anxious?  Were they excited about going forward in this way?

Then if they weren't happy with it, they'd change their decision and sit on it for another 24 hours.

Most of the time this would bring one of their options to light as the best option for them (and our family) at that point in time.

I guess, whichever way you decide on any given set of options, you can only make the best decision you can with the information you have available at the time.  Kicking yourself retrospectively is disheartening and pointless.  And I guess making "bad" decisions is all part of the learning process that is life!

Do you have any special tips or tricks for making decisions?

Hopes and regrets

As I've stated before, I've decided 2012 is my year to focus on the concept of happiness.  And thinking about this has also led me to ruminate about regret.


My hubby's cousin linked to an interesting article in her blog today about the regrets of the dying (she worked in palliative care).  I've read quite a few blogs recently discussing the same kinds of topics so I've been thinking about what I'm happy with in my life and what I'd like to change.


And that's part of the reason I'm quite excited to be moving.  Some of the changes we're aiming for in our new, small town definitely fit on my "makes me happy" list.  Growing food, keeping animals, lots of space for the Little Big Fella to run around in (and probably break bones and do all that particularly-boyish stuff).  I like this!  I'm looking forward to the possibility of going back to work and renewing and developing my skills.  And I hope that the small community will be an environment of mutual support (as well as the likely gossip and sticky beaking, which won't be as good).  Everything I've heard so far suggests that it's quite possible this will be the case.


On the negative side, I know I'm terrible at long-distance friendships.  I don't write or call, and if you're not on Facebook, I'm probably going to be fairly absent from your life.  And, although this is partially a pragmatic response to my previous experiences, it's not something I'm particularly happy about.  I've had some wonderful friends in places I've lived before, and I've "lost" them along the way, which makes me very sad.  Friends are such an important element of the substance of a happy life, and losing them through neglect is rather shite.  Can I improve with this move?  I wonder.  And I hope.


And, to be honest, I haven't been very good at making friends here.  I think I've been too shy and too backward in encouraging friendships.  I don't know that I've invited anyone over for dinner (other than family, and even then it was probably the Big Fella who actually did the inviting) in the 6 years we've lived here.  And I've rarely engaged people outside of work/mum's group/swimming.  And I've suffered because of it.  I haven't had made the opportunity to develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with people that I've clicked with, so have felt lonely when I might not otherwise have.


I'm fairly certain there'll be a few nods around the place on this one too - I'm too nice.  Sometimes I need to say what I really think, not shut up or phrase it in such a nice way that the real meaning (and feeling) is buried.  Because I'm not being true to myself, and I'm not giving others the chance to really know who I am.  I don't want to become rude, or obnoxious, or trample all over people, but I do want to define me and my space more clearly so that I don't get trampled (by accident, or on purpose).


I wonder if this year and this move will see me grow much, or if I'll be too afraid and just keep going the same way.  Will I really be happier by the end of 2012?