Blogger's block

I feel like I need to apologise, but I've no doubt you'll all forgive me anyway.  I have a bunch of excuses (starting work, trying to keep my house somewhat clean and orderly, computer dying and it's trickier on the laptop or tablet, Christmas, New Year....) but really, they're just excuses.

Reality is that I have "blogger's block".

I don't feel like I have anything to say that anyone would want to read, and when I do, I don't have the time or energy to put it together (hopefully coherently).

So, let's see if we can break the block by writing this little apology.  Actually, it's not really an apology, given that it's my blog and I can write whenever I want.  But I guess it is an apology in the sense that I know that when I read a blog regularly, I miss it when they take a break, so I apologise if you've missed me.

Okay, let's see if we can break the block by giving a quick recap of what's been happening around here then.

I finally started work at one of the big Australian banks and finally, after two full weeks, managed to balance at the end of the day without having to re-count and re-check all of my work.  I literally did a dance!

Working full-time for two weeks was great and really hard.  It was awesome to be working again - spending so much time around adults, learning, and using my head all the time.  And it was hard not being around my Little Big Fella, trying to keep my house up to scratch, trying to fulfill the commitments I'd made as a non-worker, sitting almost all day, trying to get plenty of sleep and keep up with my workout program.

There were Christmas parties and birthday parties, often on the same day!

And, of course, there was Christmas!

My grandparents were going to join us this year but unfortunately that didn't work out.  But we had a great day!  The Little Big Fella got way too many presents, again!  And we had a fun time playing with all of them :-D

The Big Fella had a sleep in the afternoon (he'd done a string of night shifts with very little sleep in between) and I got a little down, I think because I'm used to Christmas day being full of people.

In the evening we visited some friends.  They'd gotten together with others in their street to hire a blow up waterslide and the Little Big Fella had a good go on it.  There were a few drinks and lots of laughs.  It was a great, relaxing way to end the day.

Boxing Day saw us follow a tradition that began early in our marriage, with Lord of the Rings, actually.  The Big Fella, the Little Big Fella and I went and saw the Hobbit at the cinema, 2 hours away.  It was expensive, and mildly frustrating a couple of times, but I think it's definitely a tradition we'll continue whenever possible.

The days between then and now have been very quiet and homely.  We've caught up with a couple of friends who've remained in town, been to the local pool, avoided the few shops that are near (and all of the ones further away!), practiced on my scooter and the Little Big Fella on his little motorbike, put up our pool and hidden away in the airconditioning from the high 30s to 45 degree days, and slept our way into the New Year.

Do you remember last New Year where I mentioned that I don't like it?  Here's the link if you want to look it up.  I actually happened to wake up 15 minutes before midnight this year and during that time I remembered some of the really bad New Year's Eve "parties" I've been to.

One included being at church (not the bad part - I loved going to church and spending time with the people around me who I considered my family), where the guest speaker actually continued speaking through the countdown to the New Year!

Then there were others (probably most of them really) where, possibly because there was no alcohol involved, we were trying to stay awake until midnight so we could count down, yell "Happy New Year" and go home to bed.

But this year I've added another reason to not like New Year.  And I suspect there will be plenty of people who disagree with me, which is absolutely your prerogative.

Many people seem to think that just because we've changed the number that we write to designate the year, their life will change... without them doing anything differently.  Then they whinge their way through the year, get to the other end and complain about what a horrible year it was and how they can't wait for the new year to begin.

Ummmm, sorry folks, that's not the way it works!

If you want your life to change in any way, big or small, you have to make a change!  Whether it's a new year or not!  And change is hard!  Which is why you haven't done it yet.  And, not only change for a minute or a day, but consistently!  And that sometimes feels impossible!!!

Anyway, I guess I'm off on a tangent, but I guess that means I'm cured of "blogger's block"!

I had a quick look back through my 2013 posts, just to see what I've recorded about our year for you.

• We've had chickens,
• been flooded in,
• the Little Big Fella started kindy and turned 4,
• our house has been painted and we have new furniture,
• we've played with friends,
• the Little Big Fella has spent a lot of time in superhero costumes,
• I joined the CWA and was Treasurer for our playgroup,
• the Easter Bunny and Santa visited, as did my brother, and the Big Fella's parents,
• we visited our old town a few times,
• I rolled our car and we got a brand new one,
• the Little Big Fella and I flew to Melbourne,
• I went to my first "real" concert and P!nk was AWESOME!
• I got a 2nd and 3rd in the state CWA photo competition,
• we went to the local race day,
• I've (possibly excessively) considered various aspects of parenting,
• I cut my hair short (again),
• the Big Fella and I exchanged rings in a private (and moving) ceremony... in our car,
• I've gotten back into papercrafts with some of my friends,
• the Little Big Fella played his first sport (soccer),
• we went to the May Day Fair, and the school fair,
• we've been fishing and swimming and backyard camping,
• we've attempted a sleepover with the Little Big Fella's best friend,
• the Little Big Fella finally worked out how to ride his motorbike by himself,
• I've raised the concept of letting men be manly,
• the Little Big Fella gave some of his face-skin to the concrete, and shared his hand with a knife (thankfully not needing stitches),
• I had some bad days and some bad weeks,
• the Little Big Fella had his first visit to the dentist,
• we had backyard fires and front yard fires, and fires at friends' houses,
• the Little Big Fella played with (manufactured) snow for the first time ever,
• we got airconditioning in our living area!
• the Big Fella turned 40,
• we got a shipping container/workshop,
• the Little Big Fella learned how to teatowel fight,
• we did Halloween again, and ate too many sweets,
• I had a girl's night in,
• I re-learned how to tie balloons and got to do it at two different events,
• the Big Fella and I lost weight, and the Big Fella's kidney health has moved back to the "normal" range,
• we've been to local footy games,
• I ran my first ever fundraiser, and it was a success!
• I've found a million reasons throughout the year to be thankful for my friends and family,
• I totally got into the Christmas spirit in the lead up to Christmas,
• we've had LOTS of fun times with friends at the park, at playgroup, at their houses, at our house,
• we've laughed, a lot,
• the Little Big Fella had his Prep Transition days, and loved them,
• we've spent plenty of time splashing around in water,
• the Little Big Fella and I have done a fair bit of cooking,
• and I've returned to being ScooterShell.

No wonder I've felt so tired these last few weeks!!!!  That was a really big year, with lots of fun times.

Now take a deep breath because 2014 is going to have lots of big moments in it too!  The Little Big Fella is starting real school, we're going to Melbourne in March (as a family), in May (possibly just me) and September (just the Big Fella), I'll be getting my full motorbike license, there'll be birthdays and parties and playtimes and homework and events and competitions and Halloween and Christmas and work and love.  Put that together with whatever "deep" thoughts I dump on y'all, as well as all the random things that you never expect or plan for...

Can I go to sleep now?

My first day

I got a phone call yesterday, just before lunch time.  The HR and security processes are finally complete and when can I start two weeks training, full-time?

I'm sorry, what????

Yep!  After weeks (okay, it's been months, but who's counting???) of waiting, the bank is finally ready for me to start my potentially long career with them.

Of course, I freaked out a little.  Even though I've been semi-prepared for this, the actuality of it has been somewhat overwhelming.  Working out the logistics of caring for the Little Big Fella, and the fact that we only have one car, and the Little Big Fella has a fairly full schedule... well, it's been mildly stressful.

So this morning I left my Fellas home together and returned to the working world for the first time in four years.  I was SO nervous!

Would I be able to get my head back into work mode?

Would I be as good as I think I am?

Would I be overwhelmed by the amount of information I need to learn?

Would I get there on time?

Yeah, I was definitely nervous!

But it was a good first day!  I got the impression that I'll fit in pretty well, I got there on time, and my work brain did switch on.  As did my study brain because I spent an awful lot of time reading information and answering questions!  Which also meant I ended up with a tension headache, which, thankfully is almost gone already.

My body is not used to sitting still for that long, either!  At lunch time I walked up the road to a park and my legs definitely enjoyed the stretch.

Apparently tomorrow I'll be doing some more online learning in the morning, then I'll start learning how to be a teller.  I'm looking forward to the challenge of it, and getting back into a customer interaction role too.

I really want to acknowledge my friends, too.  The Little Big Fella's best friend's mum took him with them (after his final Prep Transition afternoon) to their swimming lesson, then to the park, then home today.  Tomorrow another friend is taking me in to work so that the Fellas can have the car.  Our neighbour is looking after the Little Big Fella on Friday and taking him to the school's swimming carnival.  And a bunch of others have offered to have him over the next two weeks.

I am so grateful.

Those four little words really don't express it well enough though.  I wouldn't be able to accept this job without them because there are no casual childcare options here.  And with the Big Fella's crazy work schedule, it just wouldn't be possible without them.

So thank you to all of you!

And obviously I want to acknowledge the Big Fella too.  He's kind of been thrown into this as well.  So now, as well as working crazy shifts, and attempting to sleep sometimes, he gets to experience the joy of predominant carer.  And he's doing an awesome job of it.

Us mums sometimes get so caught up in the stuff that we think is important, that we don't allow the dads to do important dad-stuff with our kids.  This week my Fellas have been for a drive to the wood mill, visited friends, done yard work, smoked meats and a bunch of other stuff that I would never do with the Little Big Fella.  And seeing the way they relate to each other is enough to melt my tough mummy heart :-)

Anyway, enough rambling.  I need to go get stuff ready for tomorrow, and Saturday's fundraising BBQ, and Christmas.  Okay, that's not all going to happen tonight!  But it's definitely time to get off the computer (actually, I'm on my tablet because the computer died this week) and get moving.

What a sweetie!

Sometimes I feel completely ripped off.

I feel like I was duped into becoming a mother.  Because, somehow, all I ever heard were the good stories about people feeling completely fulfilled by being a mother, and about those moments when your heart completely melts when you look at your child.

Bleuch!

I'm really glad that some people get to have that kind of experience.

And I'm really glad that the first time I laid eyes on the Little Big Fella I completely fell in love.  Because if I hadn't, it's quite possible something drastic may have happened in those first two years.

But today was completely out of the ordinary.  While there have been moments (many, actually) where the Little Big Fella has melted my heart, this afternoon has been one moment after another, which is completely unknown so far in our life together!

The morning had been pretty horrible, after a series of nights of terrible sleep.  Both of us were tired and not responding well.

But when we got back from playgroup, after a little bit of rest, and after I'd adjusted his new Green Lantern costume (thanks Angie!) to fit him, he suddenly became this beautiful, sweet, helpful little boy!

He asked me if he could do anything for me.  (He's never done that before.)

When I couldn't think of anything, he offered to go and clean his room.  (He's never done that before.)  It wasn't even messy!

He wanted to help me make dinner.  (He hasn't done that in a while.)

He told me I looked beautiful and that my new clothes (which came in the mail this morning) looked gorgeous.  (He does that pretty often.)

He ate all of his dinner, including the broccoli, without being asked.  (He's never done that before.)

He happily stopped watching his cartoon to go and have a shower.

And even though at this stage I don't dare to hope that this will continue, except as irregular events perhaps, I am really enjoying this sweet little boy of mine.

I am Woman

I'm interrupting my Melbourne trip posts because of something that's been on my mind a fair bit lately.

There's been a lot of media coverage here in Australia lately about internet "trolls".  You know, the people who write absolutely horrible things on Twitter and Facebook and blogs that are the complete opposite of "building people up".  They get super personal, super rude, super critical, and downright bitchy!

I've mentioned before that I've joined the local CWA.  Last week I went to the combined AGM for the three closest towns, and the guest speaker talked about re-thinking how we can support the women in our area.  It got me thinking about what the CWA does, what the women around here do, what women and children here need, and how we might be able to meet those needs.

The other day I was speaking to one of the mums in town who is having a really hard time.  She's an awesome mum and an active member of our community, but she's feeling down and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.  From what I understand, a part of her suffering is negative comments from other women.

Women are an incredibly strong force!  Individually, we stand up under immense pressures and carry on because it is necessary.

But as a group, we can be even more powerful!

Sometimes we use that power to pull each other down.  This is particularly apparent in High School, where groups of girls can give each other such a hard time.  As indicated above, we're really good at trolling too.

But I'm starting to wonder what might happen if we used this power to help each other up more often.

What if we gave each other big bear hugs more often?  Not just a little greeting, but the kind that makes trouble seem so much smaller.

What if we told others what great mums they are?  How their kids are turning out great and it's obvious that they're loved?

What if we complimented regularly?  Genuine compliments - as simple as, "that's a great colour on you", to deeper ones like, "I really appreciate how you go out of your way to make everyone else's life smoother".

What if women supported one another in every way they could think of, rather than bitching behind their backs and turning the world against them?

What if gossip sessions turned into planning sessions for how to make someone else's day?

I know there are so many groups trying to add happiness to the world.  I guess I'm just wondering how I can be a part of that in my little corner of the world.  And because I'm surrounded by awesome women, how I can include and encourage them too.

And I guess I wonder if women, being such a powerful force, can actually change the world!

Give the guy a break!

I was listening to the radio in the car today.  The hosts were talking to a woman about how "romantic" certain things were.  Apparently they had recently encouraged guys to go out and buy their partners flowers, and hope that the girls hadn't heard the suggestion on the radio.

The woman the hosts were speaking to had written in because she had heard the suggestion on the radio.  In her opinion, the flowers weren't "romantic" enough.

To add insult to injury, the flowers were "the ones on special from a Coles Express or a petrol station" - the ones with the clear cellophane wrapping that might have been sitting there for a day too long.

So, because the guy hadn't come up with the idea himself, and because the flowers weren't "up to standard", the girl wasn't happy and complained to the radio station hosts.

WHAT?????

Are you serious????

Your partner was reminded by a couple of strangers that you are worth buying flowers for.  He then drove somewhere, where he knew there would be flowers, and paid good money for them.  But that's not "romantic"???

Puh-lease!!

Girls!  Let's get this straight.

If your guy needs to be reminded to buy you flowers, that's okay.

If he has to put a reminder in his phone or his diary, that's okay.  In fact, that's great!  Don't you realise that the things he doesn't want to forget are put in his phone or diary?  Therefore, if giving you flowers is in there, you're important to him!

This might come as a shock to you, but guys are different from girls.  Generally speaking, flowers are not important to them.  And if their love language isn't gifts, or if they don't know that yours is, it's even harder for them.

Give the poor guy a break, and appreciate that he has taken effort to show you that he loves you and that he hopes you'll appreciate the effort and the thought (even if someone else's thought needed to kick-start his thought).

And while we're on the subject of giving your partner a break, let me continue my soap-box rant!

Why do we think that our partner has to "pay" for things?  And no, I'm not talking about money.

He doesn't take the rubbish out so she refuses to kiss him.

She doesn't let him watch the footy, so he's arrogant and rude.

He watches TV while eating a dinner that she's put extra effort into making.

She spends all night on Facebook, going to bed long after he's asleep.

It really bothers me when people refuse, first of all, to enunciate their wishes, and secondly to be polite to (at least in theory) the most important person in their lives.

Your partner is the person you've chosen to be with!  You love them!  Why on earth would you speak rudely to them???  Just because they love you?  That doesn't make sense!  Surely they should be the person you try most hard to please, to meet their needs, to make their lives as good as possible!

And they love you, right?  So surely asking them (politely) to do something for you isn't a big deal.

I know.  My head is in a world of relationship utopia.  All is love and rainbows and fairytales.

No.

The world is not perfect.  And relationships can be really hard.

But surely it's worth the effort!  Surely a bit of respect, politeness and, at the very least, civility is worth the effort with the one you love!  Isn't it better than letting your relationship unwind in a long string of unspoken desires, harsh words, neglect and despair?

I really, honestly think it is.

It's finally here!!!!

I'm sorry!  I really wanted to post this yesterday, but it just didn't happen.  Such is life, yes?

We have been car-less for pretty much a month.  Some amazing people have loaned us their vehicles over that time, or driven us to events, and made us feel very loved and cared for.

But yesterday, after several weeks of excitement and much messing around and confusion, our new car finally arrived!  (Do a little happy dance!!!!)

It's so big and comfortable and luxurious, and I feel like royalty being in it!

What is it?  Well, we do live in "Cruiser Country" :-)

Yes, that is my son cleaning the brand new car.  It came on a car transporter, and by all appearances, it passed at least one cattle truck on the way here.  And because it's my first ever brand new car, I wanted it to be clean, so we cleaned it.

So, the car is here, we think it's fantastic, and we're really happy with our decision.

We took it for a bit of a drive today, you know, to run the engine in (or something like that!).  It definitely got the tick of approval!

The Little Big Fella is (obviously) wearing his Spiderman suit, but he also has his headphones on.  They would be the wireless headphones that go with the DVD player in the ceiling (did I seriously just write that???).

Okay, so I feel like I'm just bragging, but this is the first time I've ever had a brand new car, so I'm just a little excited about it.  And it's such a cool car!  It has some amazing features, and it's so comfy, and it's lovely to drive, and I can't believe it's ours!!!!

Loved and lost

I just found out tonight that a friend of mine has died.  She died several months ago but I'm feeling awful that I didn't know and didn't have the opportunity to support her and those who loved her so much at the end of her life.

I've had so many wonderful people come in and out of my life.  I've lived in several towns and made friends with many, almost family with some.

But the reality of my life is that I've lost contact with people who have been incredibly dear to me.  And even though we have have Facebook and e-mail and Skype and relatively cheap phone calls, I have lost some of these connections.

The pragmatic part of me points out that it would be impossible to maintain the intensity of friendships that I have had.  I literally don't have enough time.

But I guess I just wanted to take this moment to say to those of you that read this post;

"Thank you for being my friend.  The times that we had are as rich and dear to me now as they were then.  I miss you and I am so grateful to have known you."

This is how I roll(ed)

I had such a busy day on Wednesday!  Up bright and early to get the Little Big Fella to kindy, then off to a CWA meeting, then home to pack the car and collect the Little Big Fella from kindy, then driving 7 or so hours to visit my family in our old town, and my parents who had ridden their motorbikes up from Victoria for a big over 50's motorbike event.

Well, that was the plan, anyway.

Everything was going to plan - I was even ready early to go collect the Little Big Fella from kindy!  Then we were on our way.

There were lots of roadworks happening - repairs from the flooding earlier in the year - and I was relieved when we finally turned off the highway to the inland route.  We stopped in the next major town for fuel and food, including a blueberry muffin for the Little Big Fella.

The trip had been pretty pleasant so far.  The scenery was lovely and we were getting along just fine.  I'd noticed that there were some sections along the road where the grass was really long!  I'd been thinking that it would be a major fire hazard once the land starts to dry out.

About two hours down the road from there the Little Big Fella decided that he wanted his muffin.  I'd unwrapped it and passed it back to him.  Then, after a few minutes he decided that he didn't really like it.

As he was passing it back to me he dropped it, and the wrappers, on the floor.  I reached back and picked up the muffin.  Then I reached back to get the wrappers.  I couldn't find the wrappers just by feel so, given that the road was straight and there weren't any cars, I turned my head around to look.

And that's where it all went wrong.

I must have brought the steering wheel with my eyes because when I flicked my vision back to the road I only have a memory of seeing tall grass.  At that stage I'm pretty certain we were still on the road, but possibly on the shoulder.

I sat up properly and tried to correct our path on the road, but must have overdone it.  I think at that stage I pulled the car back to the left, again over-correcting, then to the right, definitely over-correcting.

I remember thinking, "steer into the spin" followed by, "which way is that????".  I touched my foot on the brake and then realised that was the wrong thing to do and took my foot off and just held on.

The car spun around 180 degrees until we were on the other side of the road, facing the way we had come.  We just about stopped.  Everything was nearly alright.  And then I thought, "oh shit!  We're going over".

The car rolled over onto the roof.

I was either very disoriented or passed out momentarily because I suddenly realised the Little Big Fella was crying.  I recognised it as a scared cry, not a hurt cry and started talking calmly to him, telling him that we were okay.

Then he said to me, "Mummy, we're upside-down".

"Yes, we are honey but I'm going to undo my seatbelt, then come and undo yours and we'll get out of the car."

And I did.  Initially I couldn't open the door, then realised that the driver's door was up against all that long grass.  I tried the passenger door and it wouldn't open either.

"Oh bugger!  We're going to have to wait in here until the rescue guys arrive with their big car-opening tools", I thought!

But then I tried again, with a little more oomph and it opened pretty easily.

We climbed out and I saw 4 or 5 people already walking towards us, seeing if we were okay or if they could help.  And I was overwhelmed by their kindness.  How could so many people already have stopped?  And have that much concern?  I could see it in their faces - they were honestly concerned!  And I was just so grateful that we weren't alone.

I told them we were okay, it was just the two of us and we were okay, but I had no idea what to do next.  I was pretty shaky and still mildly dizzy.

I turned around and looked at the car:

I needed to call the Big Fella and let him know.
I needed to call my grandparents and let them know we wouldn't be staying there that night and that we were okay.
I needed to call Roadside Assist and find out how we could continue our journey, or get home.

Who to call first?  And was there even any phone reception?

A lovely man gave me his phone to try calling people but, as I'd guessed, there was no phone reception just there.

By the time we'd realised this, the local policeman turned up.  He'd just finished work and was on his way home, amazingly along that particular road at that particular time.  This was within a minute, maybe two of us getting out of the car.

The policeman radioed for a tow truck and the ambulance ("just to check us out" he said, "he's pretty bored right now anyway").

While he was on the radio I discovered that I was bleeding on my legs.  Turns out I had a couple of really small scratches, but because I hadn't realised I was even bleeding, they looked terrible.

You can hardly even see these ones, half way down to my ankle.

These two stung a little in the shower that night and the following day and were the ones that produced the most blood. But they're so small it's not even worth counting them!

I also saw the Little Big Fella's bike in the tray at the back and hoped that it was okay (he'd have been so devastated if it was busted!).  I looked closer and realised that it was suspended by the rope the Big Fella had tied it in with.  I undid the rope and wheeled it out from under the car.  It wasn't even scratched!

The next 4 hours are a bit of a blur of questions and physical checks.  The policeman checked for alcohol (0.0 of course!  I don't drink and drive.), the ambulance guy checked our blood pressure and my sugar levels, the policeman took pictures and asked questions, the tow truck guy turned up.

Hang on!  I have to brag about all of these people for a minute!  The tow truck guy was so wonderful to us!  He climbed back into the car and pulled all of our things out.  Nothing was broken except for a couple of boiled eggs in the esky!  Including the Little Big Fella's DVD player!  Later that evening he even went back to the car to collect something important from the glovebox for me.

The ambulance guy was completely laid back and made the whole experience a bit of an adventure for the Little Big Fella.  He was very calming and helped me not feel like a complete idiot.

The policeman obviously had his job to do in terms of finding out what happened, but he was so lovely about it and ended up being particularly helpful.  And that's beside the fact that he'd already finished work for the day and suddenly had to do at least an extra four hours work!  And he never made me feel like a stupid, female driver or anything along those lines.

After about an hour at the scene (I think), the ambo was ready to take us to hospital.  We'd already determined that we were okay, but with this kind of incident they always want to make sure there's no internal injuries or bleeding.  So he got the Little Big Fella into the back of the ambulance while I took the photo of the car and grabbed my handbag.  The rest of our things went into the back of the divvy van.

The Little Big Fella in the back of the ambulance, with the lovely ambo himself.

The ride to the hospital (about 10 or 15 minutes) was kind of exhausting for me.  The Little Big Fella asked a million questions about all of the things in the back of the ambulance - some things several times.

Actually, it was my first ride in an ambulance too!  And my first car accident.  And my first traffic ticket.

As soon as we pulled up at the hospital, the Little Big Fella undid his "seatbelt" and was eager to get out.  The ambo came around and opened the door and was completely surprised to find my Little Big Fella at the door waiting for him!

"I guess you want to walk yourselves inside then!" he said.

So we followed him inside to their emergency room where the next hour or so was completely taken up with answering questions and being poked and prodded.  Being such a small hospital, they didn't have x-ray or blood testing facilities so they had to do things the old fashioned way - touch, response and time.

I can't remember how many times they took our blood pressure, checked our eyes and asked us to move this way or that way.

After a little while the Little Big Fella realised that we weren't going to get to Gran and Poppy's or home to our place that night.  He started crying and saying he wanted his Daddy.  I hugged him and told him we'd be okay because we were going to sleep in a room with beds next to each other (at this stage I had no idea if we'd be in hospital overnight, or if we'd end up in a motel somewhere).  He calmed down but obviously wasn't very happy.

The nurses then decided to move us into a room (it was about three hours after the crash by now) and I set the Little Big Fella up with his DVD player (thankfully it had plenty of battery power left in it) and some of the food from our box and esky (the kitchen staff had gone home a while ago), and he was happy and comfortable.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I'd been given a phone and a few minutes to call the Big Fella.  He'd gone to bed and was just about asleep in preparation for an early morning shift at work.  I felt so horrible, effectively waking him up with such a shocking conversation.

And I guess I was nervous - not because I thought he'd be upset about the car really, but he'd be worried about us, even though we were okay.  And I knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.  Which made me worry about him going to work.

The Big Fella took it really well and once we got off the phone he started calling Roadside Assist and our insurance company (turns out you have to get a claim going with your insurance company for the Roadside Assist to be able to do much for you).  Throughout the evening the nurses were wonderful Personal Assistants, answering phone calls between us and taking messages!

Beside that, the nurses were absolutely wonderful and did a great job of standing in for my mum, as well as providing the necessary medical care.  I felt comforted and as comfortable as possible, and I knew that my little boy was okay in their care.

I also got to call my grandparents.  Again, I felt awful making that call because I knew that even though I told them we were okay, they'd be awfully worried.  And disappointed too.  We were all very much looking forward to catching up!

The policeman eventually got a chance to take a recorded statement.  I was kind of glad that it had taken that long to get to it, because I'd had a chance to remember more details than I could at the side of the road.  It also gave me a chance to thank him for all of his help, and for being so willing to do it out of hours.  He'd been exceptionally kind about it all and was part of the reason I was able to keep it all together.

Eventually it worked out that Roadside Assist arranged for the tow truck guy to drive us to the next town an hour closer to home (there was no accommodation available in the little town we'd crashed outside of) after we were released from hospital (and after I finally got cleaned up and had a tetanus injection - which caused me more pain than anything else over the next two days!).  We stayed in a motel room for the night and the Little Big Fella slept like a log!

Unfortunately, I didn't.

My brain kept running through everything that had happened, and how much worse it could have been, and what was going to happen next.  And then my body started to get a bit sore - not in any of the ways the doctor had said to look out for, just in a sore back and a stiff neck.

The next morning I woke feeling only slightly refreshed and unsure about what the day held for us, but so grateful for all the little miracles as well as the big one of being unhurt!

We had a slow start then went down to breakfast in the restaurant.  They'd even cooked the Little Big Fella's eggs without the yolk, just how he likes it, which helped start the day well.

I spent most of the next four hours on the phone to various people, attempting to work out what was happening and if we could continue our journey, or how we'd make it home.

After lots of to-ing and fro-ing, trying this option and that option, we decided that it was going to work out best if we made our way home.  That required a taxi to the next town, another hour closer to home, to collect a hire vehicle.  Then I'd drive us the two hours plus home.

Because of how small the town was, the taxi driver was painting under his house when I called.  He picked us up (we'd gone out for a bike ride so the Little Big Fella could get some energy out), took us to the corner shop that the taxi owner ran, went home to shower and change while we had a little bite to eat and relaxed, then took us back to the motel to collect our things.

We got to the town and eventually found the hire vehicle place (it was part of a tyre repair workshop with basically no signage).  As I headed to the vehicle I felt sick with nerves.  So I decided to stop at KFC for lunch before we drove the rest of the way home.

As we were coming out of the parking lot after lunch, I realised that I was driving like a nervous Nelly and needed to calm down so that I didn't cause another accident.  I had to suck it up and get back on that horse!

On the way home a car was overtaking from the opposite direction and I didn't think they'd get back onto their side of the road in time.  I braked (carefully) and they made it back with plenty of room, but it shook me up again.

I didn't turn around to the back seat for anything as we drove this time.  Every time the Little Big Fella needed something I found a safe place to pull over then dealt with whatever it was.  I don't think I'll ever take my eyes off the road for him again!  That extra couple of minutes on the trip, even if it adds up to an extra half hour over the whole trip, is not worth the fear and anxiety of having put my son's life in danger - even though it thankfully turned out okay.

My grandparents called me when we were nearly home.  I was SO tempted to answer the phone because I knew they were anxious about us.  But there was nowhere to pull over and I wasn't going to risk it.  I got to speak to them the next day (they were out that evening) and I think we're going to have to plan another trip down soon (maybe by train???).  I get the feeling they won't be satisfied that we're okay until they hold us in their arms.

We got home and the dogs barked up a storm, not recognising the vehicle.  We got upstairs and there was my husband!  Yes, that was a big hug moment!

By this stage I was completely exhausted.  My back was sore, my neck was stiff, (amazingly no seatbelt bruises though!), my tetanus injection site was sore, I was emotionally wrung out.  The Big Fella cooked us steak and veges for dinner and I was in bed just after 8.

I slept, only waking briefly once, for about 11 hours!  When I woke I had a long, hot shower and finally had a chance to cry out all of the tension that had built up over the past 40 hours.  I felt amazingly good after that sleep, shower and cry!

The Big Fella went to work fairly early, and the Little Big Fella and I went and visited his best friend.  It was exactly what we needed - the Little Big Fella got to play and I got to have a chat with a friend who didn't push me and let the whole thing drop when I needed to.  She also recognised the miracles in the whole situation, which helped me immensely.

I got to take a brain break from thinking or talking about the accident for most of that day and I definitely needed that.  It's the main reason this post is only just done now.  Then last night I got to catch up with a couple of other friends, briefly tell the story and then move on to other, much more fun things - craft and painting nails :-D

The car has been written off.  Amazingly, we'd actually signed a lease on a vehicle last month and asked them not to deliver it until early May.  We'd decided to keep the Rodeo as the Big Fella's car, because a man needs a ute. He's been in contact with the lease company and they're trying to get it to us by the end of the month.  Add another little miracle; we can have the hire car until the 29th of the month!  I guess the Big Fella will have to do with a trailer instead of a ute, but he's happy enough with that because he still has his family.

Our insurance company has informed us that we are eligible for emergency cost refunds, so our breakfast at the motel, the cost of the taxi, and possibly the cost of returning the hire vehicle to a closer town will be reimbursed.

I can't walk away from this without believing that we have been incredibly looked after!  From the tiny things like the DVD player working, to the major thing of coming out alive and uninjured, to the financial stress being practically nil, to the amazing people who helped us along the way... all miracles that make me so grateful for my life and my family and my friends and the way my life is.

So people, don't take your eyes off the road!  And hug your loved ones whenever you can - no matter what's annoying you about them, there are more important things in life.

Thanks-giving

I had the absolute pleasure of living in America for a year.  And this time of year inevitably reminds me of my favourite things (and people)!  For starters, my host-mum's birthday is around-about now (Happy Birthday K!).  Then there are the major "holidays" of Thanksgiving and Christmas.

You know what I loved about this season in America?  It wasn't the hype per se, but the genuine atmosphere of fun, and excitement, and love, and care for others.  Maybe it was just the group of people I was around, but this season brought out the best in so many people!

So yes, I'm a Christmas die-hard and carols and all that commercial hype gives me warm fuzzies inside because of the association I have, not only with my American experience, but also with my own family (and various additional family members along the way) and the great experience that this time of year is.

Yes, the shopping and chaos has kind of dulled it a bit over the years, but now I have a 3 year old and I'm ready to pump up the holiday spirit!

So, to the point of this post!  Today (in American time anyway) is Thanksgiving.  And I'd like to record some of the things and people that I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for my family - immediate and extended.  Each of you has influenced my life in one way or another, to a greater or lesser extent, helping to define and shape me into the person I am today.  You have taught me that family is a strong, safe bond that adds fun to life and strength in pain.

My husband, the Big Fella; you are an amazing man and I feel so blessed and honoured to be your wife.  Your continual support of the three of us as a family is a credit to you, and I particularly admire your work ethic and ability to turn things to your advantage.  You are a loving father and husband and I love spending time with you (even if we're not doing much).

My darling son, the Little Big Fella; you are such a joy to me!  Yes, sometimes you drive me nuts but you also amaze me with your growth and development and you make me laugh so often.  I love it when you give me hugs and tell me that you love me.  You are a gorgeous boy, in appearance and in personality and I'm very thankful for the privilege of being your mum.

I'm so grateful for my friends, near and far, old and new!  My life would be much poorer without you in my life.  You make the good times great and the bad times bearable.  Thank you!

I'm so very grateful for my health.

I'm thankful that we live where we are and are able to have dogs and chickens and a garden.  I love that it's "country" enough that we have options available to us that we've not had elsewhere, even though we have less shops and obvious facilities.

I'm super grateful for the internet :-D  I'm grateful that it keeps me connected with so many of my wonderful friends and allows me to "see" my family.  I'm grateful that it provides me with access to the resources that are not physically here, and for the information I can gain through it.

I'm thankful for my ability to learn and understand.

I'm thankful for airconditioning ;-D

I'm thankful for the wide range of transport we have available to us, and that we can travel around the country and the world with relative ease.  And I'm thankful that the cost of fuel isn't overwhelmingly prohibitive.

I'm thankful for the peace that we enjoy in Australia and that I don't have to worry about someone breaking into my home and hurting my family.  Or dropping a bomb and destroying my town.

I'm thankful for the sights and sounds and smells that are part of my life; for the wide open spaces, the hills and the paddocks; for the "bush" smells and the sounds of birds and insects.

I'm thankful for the invention of small, blow-up swimming pools, cheap arts and crafts supplies, books and toys that entertain and help me teach my son.

I'm grateful for the spirit of generosity that I witness in people around me.

I'm grateful for laughter!

I'm grateful to have "enough" and a little bit more, and for opportunities to share what I have.

I could probably go on for a long time but I'll finish here with this:  I'm grateful to you for continuing to read my blog, and for those who sometimes make comments.  You are awesome and add that little bit of extra light to my life.  Thank you!

Daddy, I love you

Back in May I dedicated a post to my Mum.  Well, I've been planning to do this for a while, and seeing that tomorrow is Father's Day here in Australia, it's time to do a post for my Dad.

I was really lucky because my Dad worked from home for most of my growing up years.  That meant he always had time for me.  Even with three siblings, I always felt like he had time for me.

Dad spent a lot of time in the car over the years!  He drove me and my three siblings to school when it was wet, various friends' places and events and all the things that kids and then pre-drivers get up to :-)  And he was always happy to do it!  I don't recall him ever complaining about it, or even being slightly grumpy.  I'm a bit in awe of that actually!

I think my strongest memories of my Dad are the times that he drove me to dance classes.  It would be just him and me in the car most of the time and I could pick his brains about anything.  We had a great, communicative relationship anyway, but driving time was the best!

I was certain my Dad knew everything, because, like most little girls I guess, my Dad was my hero!  And he did have an answer for all my questions!

See, Mum was my practical wisdom go-to person, but Dad was my philosophical wisdom go-to person.  And I loved exploring the goods and evils of the world with him, the whys and wherefores of schoolground politics, how I should react to the mean boys or nasty girls, or the boring teachers ;-).  Dad was a pastor so I also talked about all aspects of Christianity with him too.  He explained stuff that was way over my head in ways that really made sense to me.

Dad also ran (with Mum and some other people) a primary (elementary) school aged youth group.  It was so fun!  It was kind of based around Scouts so we did lots of games and stories, but also learned life skills like map reading, lighting fires, rescuing people and basic first aid.  I was always so proud of how much Dad knew and how well he taught it, and that my friends got to see how lucky I was.

And I always knew how lucky I was to get the Dad I got.  I knew, without a doubt that my Dad loved (and still does love) me!  He gave me time, knowledge, patience, wisdom, computer skills, and a framework for viewing and evaluating my life.  There is no way I would be the person I am today without my Dad!

We had lots of fun with Dad too!  He instilled in us a love for playing cards and board games.  I'm pretty sure almost every school holidays included us all playing Rummiking or Threes together.  And those times were full of laughter. 

And, of course, the days out in the bush running around, following Dad rock jumping along rivers and creeks, lighting the fire and cooking snags (sausages) for lunch, then finishing off with some toasted marshmallows or damper with lots of butter and jam.

Dad always had music on in the house too. The radio or a cassette (showing my age), and always a whole range of music - international music, Christian, pop, rock, and others.  I don't think we had much classical or opera in the house, but I love the range of music that he introduced me to.

When I was a pre-schooler, Dad flew small planes and I remember flying with him when I was only 3 or 4 and feeling so safe, even when the plane got a bit bouncy from turbulence.  Thanks to him I've never been afraid to fly!

As I got older, my Dad was still the person I went to if I was feeling blown about by the world.  He is a rock of reason and comfort.  The times I've felt like I had it all figured out and then the rug gets pulled out from under me, Dad has been a solace, helping me to find my feet again.

Now that I'm all grown up and married and have a child of my own, I'm still inspired by my Dad.  As he and Mum go out and re-create their life in many ways, Dad inspires me to discover and re-discover the things I love; To expand my horizons and stretch my boundaries; To reconsider the things that I thought I'd written off and see if they actually still fit me; To value friendships, old and new; to dare to live the life that I've been given.

My Dad is a romantic and writes great letters and cards.  Birthdays, Christmas and other card-giving occasions always included specific mentions of the things he loved about us or was proud of or thankful for.  I don't know about my siblings, but it always makes me feel so special and loved.

Dad isn't a handy man - he doesn't fix things or rebuild cars or much along that line.  But he taught us what he did know and always made me feel loved.    And I think that's THE most important thing for a father to do - make sure your kids feel special and loved, and know that you're proud of them.

Dad, you score 100% on that one!  I love you so much and am SO grateful to have been blessed with you for a father!  Being this far away has its particularly sucky parts, like not being able to share a great meal and bottle of wine with you tomorrow.  But I want you to know that I value the impact you've had on me, and the love you give.  You're still my hero Daddy and I miss you so much.  I hope you have a great day tomorrow and I'm looking forward to calling you and having a good ol' chat :-D  I love you heaps!

This IS my life

I always thought I'd be an awesome mum.  I thought I'd be the crafty, cooking, smiling, super-calm 50's style super-mum.  And while I think I'm a pretty good mum, I'm certainly not living up to my (original) expectations.

When the Little Big Fella was first born, there was a long period of time (about 2 years) where I would have said most of the time I hate being a mum.  Thankfully, that has changed.  Now I only hate it sometimes ;-)

I recently applied for a job that I thought I was perfect for.  I did an awesome application then... nothing!  No calls, no e-mails, no letters.  I didn't even get an interview.

I mentioned a week or so ago that the Little Big Fella received an enrolment offer for kindergarten.  As well as being so excited about him growing up, I wasn't sure how it would logistically work if I was working full-time, given the kinder hours.


I'm getting ready to do a challenge with Fit Yummy Mummy starting next week, and I've been thinking about my goals within that.  The side effect is that, between FYM and not getting a job I thought I was perfect for, I've also been thinking about my life and what I love about it, but also what I'd like to change.

And I came to the realisation that this is my life!  I am a stay-at-home mum. So if this is my life, shouldn't I live it instead of waiting and hoping for something else?  I mean, I won't get these years at home with my son again! I want to make the most of them!

You know, there are so many negatives about being a stay-at-home mum.  The household income is dependent on one person, you rarely get to go to the loo on your own, your life is consumed with bodily functions (bleuch!), there's a huge amount of pressure to shop well, cook well, clean, educate, entertain, don't use the TV as a babysitter, be happy when your significant other gets home, continue your education, be "present" in every moment of your child's daily life, look after yourself and on and on and on.  There is guilt lurking around every corner because, no matter what you're doing there's something else that you should be doing!

But I've been reading a couple of blogs lately that have reminded me of the privilege that I'm currently enjoying as well.

• I get to set my own timetable
• I get to do all kinds of activities with the Little Big Fella
• I get to be his best friend (for now)
• I get to make a home for my son and husband, I get to do things when it suits me (like exercise, shopping, random day trips when the Big Fella has days off)
• I can more strongly influence the health-i-ness of the food in our house
• I get to have "play dates" with all my friends (it has nothing to do with the kids!)
• I get to be silly and laugh and see the world through a little person's eyes again
• I get to be there for every milestone and achievement
• I get to cuddle and kiss away the hurts and fears of my little boy as soon as they occur
• I get to influence every aspect of his life and be the example of what he could be (scary but somewhat inspiring thought)
• I get to ride a motorbike and hear him laugh and giggle
• I get to tickle him and hear that wonderful sound all the time
• I get to plan awesome activities and adventures for us to do
• I have the time to spend with other people whenever they're available, which would be particularly tricky if I was working and had to "fit them in" around work, cooking, cleaning and "family time"
• "Family time" is all the time!
• I get the joys of having animals around the place - and it is a joy because the Little Big Fella loves them so much
• I appreciate the awesomeness of time alone, pampering, shopping for anything other than food, long, hot showers etc. much more when I get to have them

There's plenty more, but I don't want to make you all green with envy ;-)

In the next few days I'll be sharing with you one of the effects of all this thinking.  Both the Little Big Fella and I are pretty excited about it and I have other plans along similar lines for the future!

Suddenly I'm really excited about this life I'm living.  I feel like I'm in control of my own destiny again (I've been a little "blah" the last few weeks, and overly negative) and it feels good!  I'm looking forward to my journey again!!!

Tired, fitness, community

Turns out I was tired!  Really tired!  Because I went to bed early last night (somewhere between 9:30 and 10) and didn't wake up until 8:30 this morning!!!  When I think back to the start of the year where 4:30 and 5am were normal starts to the day, 8:30 feels like an absolute extravagance!

I've been really good at doing my workouts this week (I've been doing the Fit Yummy Mummy program for almost 7 weeks) and I'm much better with my "clean eating" this week than last week, where I totally bombed out.  You know my favourite thing about it so far?  I like the food, and I like that I only need to workout for 15 minutes a day, but my favourite thing is the reaction of my husband.  Sure, he appreciates my changing body (I know you all went there first!), but he tells me I inspire him and that is very cool!

As a stay-at-home-mum I don't often feel very inspirational: how inspiring is it to do the dishes again, and do the laundry again, and clean up the mess from the dog/child/husband again, and keep the shopping in budget?  But to inspire my husband, who I love and respect and find inspirational in so many ways, yeah, I really like that!

I am a little worried though.  It was warm yesterday so I put on a pair of shorts that I wore last summer (and were getting close to too tight).  They're rather loose... actually, they're on the verge of baggy!  So my worry is that I'm going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe for summer or else I'm just going to look daggy baggy all season!!!  Damn!!! ;-)

Okay, moving on from bragging (actually, I'm just really proud of how I'm going and sometimes it's hard to not share).

The Big Fella started his train driver tests today.  Back in October last year he started the "school" and passed that in April this year.  He has been working with a tutor driver since then, as a Driver Assistant.  But, assuming he passes this set of tests this weekend, he will be a fully qualified train driver.  It's very exciting (actually, apparently the testing is very boring so far, but the potential results are exciting).

The Little Big Fella and I went on a couple of bike rides today.  I don't know that I would really call it bike riding though.  I would call it "is it possible to ride any slower and can we go further than 5 metres without stopping?".  Needless to say, I was a little frustrated.  But the Little Big Fella loves it so I went with him.

The good thing about the bike ride this morning was that we stopped and talked to a few friends along the way, and ended up spending an hour or so with some new friends that we've only met once or twice before.  Turns out we get along pretty well :-)

I love the small community here.  There are so many families with young children and it just creates an awesome atmosphere.  It's safe enough that there were about 20 kids at the park this afternoon with me as the only adult (there were other parents in nearby houses but I was the only one physically there for about 20 minutes).  And yesterday one parent brought her kids and another family's kids to the park so the other parent could have a break to do a few things.  And that kind of thing is common.

After our sudden-hit of illness last week, where I discovered we had no Neurofen for kids or cough medicine or anything of that kind, almost every mum I ran into over the next few days mentioned that they had a store of it at home and I could have just called them.  I'd never even thought to call anyone here because I'm so used to living independently.  But here, because of the size of the town and the distance to medical help, everyone is prepared for the worst and willing to help and share.

That's what I was hoping it would be like here too!  I was so hoping it would be a close but open community.  I was hoping people would keep an eye out on everyone else's kids.  I was hoping to be welcomed easily, despite existing friendships.  And it is like that here and I am so grateful!

Birthday? So what!

When I went to bed last night, exhausted almost to the point of collapse (the Little Big Fella had been hard work), the last thing the Big Fella said to me was something about it being my birthday tomorrow.

In typical melancholy style, I looked around and saw the dishes all over the kitchen, thought of the washing that needed doing and the toddler who would need my attention and thought, "what's so good about having a birthday as an adult anyway?"

I knew what my present was and, despite requesting it, doubted that it would be wrapped or that there would be a card (oh ye of little faith).

I knew there would be no cake unless I made it (although, I'd rather some fruit and yoghurt anyway).

And I knew that the main responsibility of caring for our son would be mine.

What's the point?  What is it that makes a birthday different to any other day of the year, now that I'm an adult and a mum?

And with that depressing thought I went to sleep.

I woke early this morning (early equals before 7 these days, which is awesome compared to the 4:30/5am starts I was getting at the start of the year!), crept into the kitchen and made some breakfast (ignoring the dishes that were still all over the place) and crept back to the office to catch up on some blog reading and such.

I got a whole hour to myself!

For those of you that didn't catch that (or the fact that it's a big deal) I'll repeat it.  I got a whole hour to myself!!!

The Little Big Fella didn't wake up until just before 8!  I got a whole hour to read and type and do whatever without interruption!!!  Amazing!  And just what the doctor ordered.

When the Little Big Fella did wake up, he didn't get up straight away, but put his DVD player on and watched a little bit of Tigger and Pooh so I got myself ready and went downstairs for a workout.  Although I had a couple of interruptions, I got my workout done (and worked hard I have to say) then came up to find the Big Fella awake and asking for a coffee.

I looked at the time and realised we were going to be late for Music Makers.  I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago - it's a class for pre-school kids and they're learning various musical terms, using various instruments and a microphone, and doing some basic dance/coordination moves.  Yesterday I'd asked the Little Big Fella if he wanted to go to playgroup or Music Makers and he emphatically chose Music Makers so that's where we went today.

On our way out of town (Music Makers is in the town 15 minutes away) we stopped at the "post office" (the CWA hall) and collected the mail.  Yay!  A parcel from my in-laws (a ballet-based workout DVD - I'm looking forward to checking that out), and a card and cheque from my Oma-in-law.  You know, I love modern modes of communication like e-mail and Facebook.  But I love getting stuff in the mail!  It may be because anything in the mail that isn't a bill is normally fun, or it might go back to childhood and the rarity of getting anything in the mail at all, but whatever it is, I love it!

The Little Big Fella got nervous as soon as he saw the other kids at Music Makers.  But we went in and again I got to sit on the floor with his heavy butt on my lap.  Seriously, he's getting really heavy and my ankle bones were being squished on the wooden floor!!!

He was all shy and only kind of participating until about half way through when he said he wanted to go.  You bet I rolled my eyes!  I told him the class wasn't finished and we couldn't go until it was done and he cracked the sads and went and sat on the chair on the side.  Sigh.  I tried to talk him in to joining everyone again but it wasn't going to happen.  I didn't think it was ultimately a good idea to "make" him so I let him be and about 5 minutes later he was ready to re-join the class.  And he really joined in this time.  He danced and played and talked in the microphone.  The silly thing is that I think he loves it, but his shyness beats him to start with.  But he's always been shy in new places and with new people so we'll just give him time to settle in and see what happens.

Last time we did the shopping I'd promised the Little Big Fella that we could go to the new park he'd spotted across the road from the supermarket.  He reminded me after Music Makers, and because we didn't have a schedule to keep I agreed we could go.  Unfortunately, the swing seats were too hot - black rubber in the direct sunlight is a good recipe for burned bum!  So we wandered around but he'd lost a little enthusiasm.

My sister and nephews happened to call just then so we all had a chat until my nephews started losing the plot and needed to go to bed for a nap.

Next was some shopping then home again, home again, jiggety jig!

On the way home my Nanna called so we had a little chat to her too.

When we got home the Big Fella had obviously spent a fair portion of the morning cleaning up.  The kitchen was clean and lots of things had been put away.  And there on the coffee table was a beautifully wrapped present!  Wrapped in paper that the Little Big Fella had painted a few weeks ago!  And a card with some lovely things written in it by the Big Fella, and he'd helped the Little Big Fella write in it too!  If we did brownie points in our house, the Big Fella would have had a basket full for that!  Instead he had to put up with hugs and kisses and thank yous and some pretty impressive gratitude :-)

He then suggested that we contact everyone and invite them to the local pub for a drink or two in the late afternoon, his shout.  So the texts and Facebook message went out and just before 4 we headed off.  (Oh!  In the meantime we'd also made some pepperoni!  More on that in a future post.)

We'd intended to be at the pub for about an hour or so.  But, see, when people are around and everyone is having a good time it's no fun to quit!  So we stayed... and stayed... and stayed... and had dinner :-D  I had a great time talking to some of the girls that I've met here, even talking about some non-mum topics!  The Big Fella had a great time talking to some of the guys that were around the place, including the new bar manager and the kitchen staff.  And the Little Big Fella had fun playing really nicely (mostly) with his friends, and talking to the poor man playing the pokies who got to explain that toys don't come out of those machines before we pulled him away.

Oh!  And the Little Big Fella got to have a whole can of Coke for the first time ever!  Occasionally he gets the dregs of the can from the Big Fella, but he rarely has soft drink (soda/pop) at all, let alone a whole can of Coke.  Thankfully there were other kids there to play with or the afternoon/evening would have taken a completely different turn!

Eventually we left the pub and dropped in on some friends on the way home (the Big Fella had borrowed a mincer for his pepperoni).  By this time the Little Big Fella was starting to come down from his Coke high so we headed home pretty quickly.

And since then I've had the chance to talk to my youngest sister and my parents on the phone too.  I miss my family, but talking to them on the phone is so much better than nothing!  (I'm getting all teary!)

So my day, which yesterday looked like it was going to be the same as any other day (or worse) turned out to be lots of fun, with lots of little surprises, and I felt special and like my being in the world is worth all the pain my mum went through.  And I guess that's the point of a birthday for me as an adult.  It's not about presents, or even a party like it was as a kid.  It's about contact with people who think you're special and take the time to let you know, in both big and small ways.  And if you get to spend time with those people, that's even better!!!