Monday, 10 September 2012

Fear of failure

Hmmm, I'm not really sure where this post will go but let's go on an adventure in blog-land together!

I've just completed Week 1 of a 10 week challenge with Fit Yummy Mummy and overall did pretty well.  Oh my goodness was I sore on Saturday and Sunday though!!!  Apparently that means I'm working my body hard and building those muscles, but it just feels exhausting and sore :-)

On Friday Holly sent us an e-mail asking us: "If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?"

You know it took me all weekend to come up with an answer.  See, I don't really have anything that I want to do.  Isn't that just a horrible thing to say???  I don't have a bucket list, I don't have any particular passions.  I'm just coasting along in life with no real direction.

And, on the whole, I'm pretty happy with that.  I like where I live, I love my husband and son, and I'm living in the present of my life, trying to be the best  wife, mum, home executive ;-) that I can be!

But I am afraid.

I am afraid that I'll cause irreparable damage to my relationships with my husband and son.  I think it's pretty unlikely, but still this fear lurks in the background.

I am afraid that I'll look back at the end of my life and wonder why I didn't do anything with it.

I am afraid that I am failing as a human being.  Although, I probably couldn't tell you what a successful human being is.

So then I wonder, if I were to change my life, what would I do with it?

Would I study?  If so, what?  Maybe graphic design, or nursing/midwifery, or physiotherapy, or massage.

Would I travel?  If so, where?  Europe is appealing, as is much of Asia, and I wouldn't mind going on a cruise ship one day.  Oh!  And the Rocky Mountaineer!

Would I start some kind of business, become amazingly successful and decide to be a philanthropist?  If so, what kind of business would I do?  Especially from here!

Would I become an advocate of some kind?  If so, what kind of cause would I want to support and could I be passionate about it for a long time?  And would my passion for it drive everyone around me nuts???  ;-)

I think one of my biggest problems, when it comes to these kinds of questions, is that I'm a pragmatist.  I am completely practical and even though some of these ideas are appealing, they're not practical at this point in time.

Dreams are important though and I think the more I ponder, the more likely I am to come upon what my real dream is.  And it will shine like a beacon in my mind's eye and I won't be able to resist making it happen.

So I will dream and ponder... and let you know if I discover it because I won't be able to help myself :-D

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