Wednesday, 2 September 2015


I'm exhausted.

I go to bed early and lay there, thinking of nothing and everything.  I try not to think about the fact that I'm not asleep because that will cause me to stress that I am not asleep, which will stop me from sleeping.

I toss and turn.  I do not sleep.

Giving up, I get out of bed and do little things around the house or try to lull myself to sleepiness with a puzzle game on my phone or tablet in the dark.

It is late.

I know I will be tired again tomorrow and yet I still cannot sleep.

Eventually I am shattered and fall into bed again, nodding straight off.

The alarm wakes me well before I am ready.

Repeat for several days.  My temper gets shorter and positivity declines.  I am uninspired, and overwhelmed by the things that need to be done.

After three of four nights I am tired enough to collapse and sleep as soon as I go to bed.  Then the pattern returns.

When did I forget how to go to sleep?

I've never been one to go straight to sleep when I go to bed.  I remember when I first married the Big Fella, I was absolutely flabbergasted that anyone could go to sleep so quickly!

But half an hour, give or take, used to be my standard.  I'd lay in bed thinking of the day that had been, the days that were coming, my plans, my hopes, my wonderings about life.  And then I would drift off to sleep.

But the pattern has changed and I don't know how to change it back.

I think having the TV off in the evening helps.  I really enjoy the quiet, especially after reading to the Little Big Fella, and once he is asleep.

I like to have time to calm down.  There has been so much going on lately, not only with our house but at work and in general.  I can be so wired to get things done, or just ruminating on the day, and having quiet for while before bed helps me let it all go.

I like to sit and enjoy my home, but when there is "stuff" everywhere, and things are out of place, I find it difficult to relax.

My sister sent me "Millie Marotta's Animal Kingdom" for my birthday.  I've had a few evenings where I've enjoyed doing a little colouring.  It's a nice alternative to reading, which sometimes gets me so engrossed in the story that I forget to go to bed!

Well, I need to go and finish the dishes so that I can go to bed and attempt some sleep.  Wishing you all sweet dreams and restful sleep tonight.

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