Priorities

I've wasted a lot of time looking at Pinterest tonight, but I also came across some wonderful new blogs that I'll read regularly, and have printed out some bits and pieces for the coming week.

A couple of themes have hit me as I've been reading:

1. People are more important than tasks, and 
2. I need to include the Little Big Fella in the tasks that need to be done.

Since Christmas I've noticed that my patience has been rather thin, and I've been grumpy with my Fellas.  And basically it's because I've been focussed on the tasks that need doing (cleaning up messes and "catching up" on the housework that got behind while I was working), rather than the two most important people in my life.

The Little Big Fella has been desperate for someone to play with.  Almost all of his friends have been away on holidays so he's been wanting mine and the Big Fella's attention and energy.

Yeah.  Definitely failed him on that one lately.

I haven't stopped to play games with him, or read him stories, or imagine with him.

So, instead of kicking myself (that won't help anyone!), I've written down a few things I'll do with him over the next few days/week.

And I'm planning a playdate for after the weekend.

I've also realised that the Little Big Fella is about to start school (duh!), and is definitely old enough to be a contributing member of our household.  So instead of putting him aside while I do things like laundry, dishes, meal preparation, and cleaning, I can make extra time now (while we have some!) to teach him how to do them.  Not only will he be learning valuable life skills, I'll be getting the essential tasks done and we'll be spending time together.

And, speaking of school, it's only 18 days until the Little Big Fella starts!  He's SO excited about it.  Every day he asks how long until he goes to school.

So when we were food shopping the other day, I picked up a cheap calendar, which we have hung in his room.  We've highlighted the first day of school (as well as our birthdays later in the year) and have been crossing off the days until school starts.

We did something similar in the countdown to Christmas (this year's version of an advent calendar), so he is starting to understand how far away a week is, and he's getting some great practice at recognising numbers!

Anyway, it's midnight (again) so I'm going to join my husband in bed for the next hour or so before he goes to work.  Goodnight!

The midnight visitor

The night before last, I wasn't tired.  Not even a bit!

I tried playing mindless computer games (normally a clincher for me).

I tried just laying in bed for a while.

I tried writing everything in my head down on paper.

I didn't end up asleep until around 1:30am.

Unsurprisingly, last night I was tired.  Okay, truthfully I was exhausted!  I've been a little busy lately, and the addition of a less-than-full night of sleep really wasn't helpful.

So when I went to bed last night I had that wonderful experience of collapsing into the mattress, feeling completely surrounded by blissful comfort.  Of course, I was asleep almost immediately.

Fast forward a little.  To just before midnight.  I was torn from my blissful slumber by my dogs going completely off their rockers!!!

Now, I need you to understand the sound that wrenched me from that peaceful oblivion.

Imagine a small dog barking.  No problem!  Everyone knows that sound.  It's annoying if the dog isn't yours, and annoying and embarrassing if it is.

Now, imagine, if you can, that sounds going up a couple of octaves.

This takes annoying small dog barking to high-pitched, small dog barking.

Now, you need to make it loud, of course, and add some significant yelping.  I'd imagine it might be a similar sound to what you'd get if a crocodile had attached itself to the dog's leg, and the dog was barking because there was something in its territory, and yelping because it was in pain.

I think you now have a bit of an idea of what awoke me, just before midnight, when I was in a deep, much-needed, blissful sleep.

I did what any dog owner would do (yes, that's my tongue in my cheek) - I yelled at the dog through the window.

No response whatsoever.  The bark-yelping continued completely unabated.

I put on my "now I'm really angry with you" voice and yelled again.

Nope.  Not even a flicker of acknowledgement.

A BIG sigh preceeds me throwing on something more appropriate (in case any of my shift-working neighbours, or those awoken by this awful ruckus were to investigate) and stomping outside.

Meanwhile the "crocodile has my leg and is in my territory" bark/yelping continues.

We have two little dogs.  A male, Frankie, and a female, Choccie.

Choccie is the one that normally wears the bark collar (although she's having a break for good behaviour at the moment.  That, and I haven't gotten around to putting it back on after their last bath.).

Frankie is a much more settled dog and rarely barks for longer than about 20 seconds.

You can imagine my surprise when Choccie comes up and submissively rolls over but the bark/yelping continues!

I try yelling at Frankie, using his name this time.

No response.  He's still losing the plot.

What on earth is going on here???

I go downstairs and finally get his attention... for a moment.

I don't know if it was a full moon last night (I didn't look - I just wanted to get back to sleep), but it was very bright, and I couldn't see anything around the place that would cause my dog to completely lose the plot like this.

Eventually (after getting and losing Frankie's attention about a dozen times) I walk over to the garden area where he keeps going.

I see nothing.

So Frankie helpfully decides to come right over and bark/yelp some more.

I finally see some movement.

It's not even in our yard!  It's on the other side of the fence, in our neighbour's yard, in the shadows.

And it's attempting to bury itself to get away from the awful noise my dog is making!

Folks, last night we had an echidna problem!  And it wasn't going to go away easily!

There's no way I was going to try to pick it up to move it along, and the dog was freaking the poor thing out, so it wasn't going anywhere.

What am I going to do???  I'm exhausted, my brain is definitely not kicking into gear and I am just about ready to strangle my dog.

Fine!  I'll lock the noisy thing under the house!

So I cajoled the dogs under the house and went in there with them for a minute.  I patted them and tried to calm them down (rather unsuccessfully really, but at least the barking had stopped!).  I hoped that somehow the echidna would get the hint and move on, preferrably quickly!

After a minute or two (I really didn't have much patience at that point), I let the dogs out (on the other side to where the echidna had been) and they ran around to the garden, thankfully not finding anything to bark at anymore.

I dragged myself back up to bed then lay there for about 10 minutes, unable to get back to sleep.

Stinkin' wildlife!

Planning for Christmas

Yep, it's started!  There's Christmas music in my head and I've spent way too long on Pinterest already!!!

I am preparing for Christmas.

I've started making the cards (there were photos here), I've got my card list and my list of what I need to do and when (I love lists, remember?).

I'm also on a bit of a budget, which probably means it's not a good year for completely changing my decorations!  But I really wanted to, so I'm going with a natural/vintage style.

Today we were going to spend most of the day at the shooting range with the Big Fella for their big, annual shoot.  But the Big Fella ended up getting called in to work, so we were home alone for the afternoon.

But, of course, it's smack-bang in the middle of my most hormonal days so I ate lots of junk, lounged on the couch and started feeling rather sorry for myself.

Cue Pinterest!

After fluffing around for a while, playing Candy Crush and whatever else, I started looking on Pinterest (again).  And I came across paper snowflakes!  Now, I remember doing them in school, and they were kind of fun, but when I saw these, I was inspired!

So I spent an hour or so folding and cutting paper into cool shapes :-)  Now I'm thinking of adding some glitter, and making some out of coloured paper and then turning them into a garland or something.

And tonight I'm hoping to try out a star made of sticks.  Sounds pretty easy, but usually these things are harder than they look :-}

So besides the rest of the cards and decorations, all I have to do is buy presents for the family, make the presents for the friends, decide on what we'll be eating and make up my shopping lists for that, possibly try to talk the Big Fella into a Christmas photo shoot and relax and enjoy all the festivities!  Sounds potentially stressful and lots of fun!

Damn you, hormones!

We had a wonderful day today.  We took a drive to our nearest "big" town, did some shopping, had a lovely lunch then came home and spent the afternoon/evening with friends.

That's if you take out the damn hormones that side-swiped me today!

I got up this morning and did my workout.  No worries.

Got ready and we drove to town.  No worries.

Got there at pretty much the exact time we wanted to.  No worries.

Started looking at a new mobile phone for me (my contract is about to end).  No worries.

Went to Big W and picked up almost everything on my list.  So far, so good.

Went to the other phone company to look at mobiles.  The Big Fella took off to do check out some stuff and left the Little Big Fella with me.

No worries.

Until 10 or 15 minutes later when the Little Big Fella wasn't getting enough attention and started jumping all over the place and whatever else, scattering all coherent thoughts and causing my stress levels to rise.

Okay.  Finished up the conversation, having got the info I needed and headed to the next place on my list.

The Big Fella catches up with us and asks a question about the phone place and I nearly tore his head off.  What the???

I apologise, explain what happened and we move on.

For the rest of our time in town I was on the edge and every little thing the Little Big Fella did just about drove me nuts.

We did have a nice lunch though.

When we got back home, we unpacked then headed to our friend's place to chill out.  After about half an hour I was daydreaming of sleeping on the grass and feeling sick in the stomach.

I ended up coming home and trying to sleep but had a very restless nap.  I'm pretty sure I was having nightmares but I can't remember.  Eventually gave up, got up (still feeling completely wrecked and sick), watered the plants, fed the dogs and prepared some dinner then took it back to our friend's place.

Had a lovely dinner with them then came home.  The Fellas went straight to bed and now I'm nearly sleepy enough to join them.

I just hate it when my hormones attack me and ruin what would have been an awesome day.  And even though I spent the whole time fighting them, I just wasn't winning at all.

Bleuch!

Escaping the darkness

I'm lying in the dark.

Exhausted, but I can't sleep.

The blanket of despair crawls up over me and I fear that I will never escape this horrid cycle.  I cry, slamming my fists into the covers.

I realise that I haven't brushed my teeth all day and I feel disgusted.  I force myself up to have a shower and brush my teeth.  But I leave the lights off - I don't want to see my red, puffy eyes.  I feel bad enough already.

I could call someone.  But I don't want their sympathy.  They can't do anything or give me answers.






Every.  Single.  Month.

Sometimes it's just cranky and snapping.  But sometimes it grows to this blanket of darkness that smothers me.

I feel broken.

And I know it will probably be okay tomorrow.  The hormonal storm will pass and all will be back to normal.  But why does it get so bad?  And will it ever get better?

I don't want to have to face the dark.  And if I must, I want to be able to walk through it rather than crawl or try to hide until it passes.

I could have 20 years before menopause.  Maybe even more!  Will it be like this until then?  Oh God!  I hope not!  I don't want to put my husband and son through that.





Today I wake up and all is well again, just as I suspected it would be.  I have escaped the darkness... for now.

The Balancing Act Called Motherhood

As well as re-creating our whole house (well, that's almost how it feels), I've been pondering the dilemma of modern motherhood lately.  Or perhaps I should say modern parenting because Dads get their fair share of this one too.

You know what I'm talking about; the balancing act between work and home, hands-on and hands-off, nurturing and discipline, child's needs and parent's needs... and on and on it goes.

When we moved here I expected to be able to find a great Family Day Carer (although, I didn't expect anyone to live up to SuperCarer's standards really), then get a job and complain about how hard it is to balance work and motherhood.

But it hasn't quite worked out that way.

So for me, right now, the balancing act is particularly between my needs and the Little Big Fella's needs.  And I don't think the balance is great just now.

I'm an introvert.  That doesn't necessarily mean I'm shy - it means that when I'm exhausted or overwhelmed or basically need to recharge, I need to be alone.  And at the moment, that's just not happening.

Instead, I'm getting constant touch (mostly licks actually - from the Little Big Fella ??? and the dogs), constant interruption (normally with requests for food or to call a friend to play with), and no chance to recharge.

And it's making me an absolute cranky pants!!!

Obviously, for all our sakes, I need some time out.  Because our balance is out!

So what do I do?

Well, for starters, tonight the Big Fella and I made sure the dishes were done as soon as dinner was finished.  That takes the evening load off, just that little bit.

Also, luckily, the Little Big Fella was pretty tired tonight and crashed in bed as soon as he'd had his shower.

Then the Big Fella and I watched a TV show together before he went off to work.  I painted my nails at the same time (it's weird that a bit of care and attention to your nails can re-set your head).

And now I'm taking some time to read a bit of parenting stuff online (like this one about guilt, and this one about the core of parenting) and blog about my failures :-)

The house is quiet and nothing is demanding my attention.  It's not late so I don't feel guilty or concerned about how tired I'll be tomorrow.

I feel relaxed and re-set and ready to take on the challenge again tomorrow.

And you know there'll be a new balancing act to conquer tomorrow, because that's what happens in this life they call "parenting" - there's always a challenge!

Horror in the backyard

Yesterday morning I received a text from a neighbour who has chickens.  Apparently their chicken gate wasn't closed properly the night before and a dog had gotten in and killed all 6 of them.

I was so glad I'd shut our chooks away that night, because sometimes we leave them to sleep wherever they like.  Probably a bit stupid being in the country with the possibility of foxes and feral cats or whatever.

Well, later that day I was in the garden pulling weeds (seriously, that is not my favourite job!) and I noticed a visiting dog in our back neighbours' yard.  I assumed that they knew about it and were trying to get this beautiful Husky to mate with their Labrador (or maybe she's a golden retriever - I'm not sure of the difference).

Our little male, Frankie, was not happy to have this Husky hanging around.  I mean, he thinks that yard is his as well, so to have a strange male dog hanging about (and I'm pretty sure he thinks Chloe is his girlfriend) was making him cranky.  The two of them were having a pee contest all over the fence too!  Ew!

After quite a while (at least half an hour, maybe even an hour) the Husky suddenly jumped the fence and attacked our silky chook.  Thankfully the Big Fella was around and chased the Husky away before it got our other chooks as well, but I watched my poor Silky stumble for about 30 seconds before collapsing and dying.

I know it's just a chicken, but honestly, watching that was horrific.  Silky, although she'd been quite shy of us, had become part of our family and it was awful to see her go like that.

The Little Big Fella had heard the commotion and come outside to see what was going on.  He saw Silky and knew that something wasn't quite right.  I explained to him that the dog had attacked her and that she was dead - her life was all gone.

You know, he amazes me, that child.  He accepted it.  Just like that.  It wasn't that he didn't care or understand either, he just accepted it.

The dog was collected by its owner a little later.  Apparently it gets out often and has attacked chooks before.  There's a bit I could say about responsible pet ownership but we'll leave that one alone for today.  Suffice for now to say that he offered to replace the chickens (ours and our neighbours').

The whole incident makes me very wary about letting our chooks roam free in our yard though.  But I don't want them to be locked up in their area all the time either (as nice as it is).  I guess we just have to gamble and hope that they'll be safe!

Isn't this supposed to be fun?

I've had a rather... hormonal couple of days.  Unfortunately it combined with lack of sleep, a bit of hot weather, a 3 and a half year old who has a bit of an attitude, and a husband who's been working hard and wants to relax (fair enough really!).  I guess what I'm trying to say is, my poor Fellas have had to put up with one cranky woman this week!

In the midst of this cranky storm I've been trying to do some Christmas preparation because of the strong possibility of heading back to our old town for a week or two to help out my sister, who's just had an operation (nothing major - just no heavy lifting, driving etc).

A couple of evenings ago I decided to try to put up our new outdoor lights.  I LOVE Christmas lights and this is the first time we've had any, other than on the Christmas tree.  So I went out in the late afternoon shade and the Little Big Fella decided to "help" me.  Out comes Mrs Moody and ruins it for everyone!  There was cranking and growling and frustration when things didn't go right.

The next day we decided to bake some Christmas cookies.  The Little Big Fella and I have cooked a bit together and normally it works out pretty well.  But not this time!  This time I was using a new recipe, the kitchen wasn't set up to make it easy and the Little Big Fella's propensity to ignore instructions caused it to be way more stressful than fun.

And I thought to myself, "isn't this supposed to be fun?  Isn't the idea of doing these Christmas-y things supposed to be building our relationship and giving him wonderful memories?"  And I felt like Christmas this year was ruined before it had even begun.

Thankfully I didn't write this post on that day!  It would have been morbid and depressing and whingey and complaint-filled.  Bleuch!

But the next day the hormone storm passed and we decided to put up the Christmas tree together.  Last year the Little Big Fella and his older cousin did all the decorating of our tree (well, up to as high as they could reach anyway!) and we had a really fun time.  Thankfully this year still had some of that joy :-)

We found the Christmas tree in the back shed, and the boxes of decorations.  I put the tree together and then the lights on it then we both put the "balls" on, while listening to Michael Bublé crooning some of my favourite Christmas carols.

The Little Big Fella decided he should "swim" under the tree and find the presents!  (Such amazing imagination!)  Most of the "presents" were lights for the tree :-D

Oh!  And while I was putting the tree together, I heard a voice behind me.

"Guess who I am!"

I turn around to this:

"I'm Santa!"

"No I'm not!  I'm (the Little Big Fella)!"

Unlike last year, the decorations were put over the whole tree, but the Little Big Fella just couldn't get the idea of each branch having a bauble, so some missed out while others got several :-)

The finished product!  Lovely and bright and full.  It's at the front window so people going past might see it, and it's also at the end of the hallway so I see it as I'm going down there from the other end of the house.  It makes me smile :-)

I just realised today that I haven't got anything to put in our little advent calendar yet and I think I'd like to do it because, as well as working on our numbers, it helps to build the excitement for Christmas and means I (hopefully) won't be asked every. single. day. if it's Christmas yet :-D

10 steps back?

I feel like I felt in the latter part of last year, before I began my happiness project, and it feels like crap.  I'm down, I'm completely impatient with my son, I'm frustrated by everything and I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, even though I know it's probably there.


And no, I don't think it's just today, or hormones, or even the rain that just won't go away.


So, back to the old drawing board.  What can I do to get out of this funk?


Stop sighing, start smiling, fake it until I make it.  But I don't have the energy to do that.


Get enough sleep, take some time to myself.


Remember what I'm grateful for (that's normally a good one!).


Hmmm, I'm grateful for a cheap place to live and the Big Fella's wages so we can get ourselves into a better financial position.


I'm grateful for the weight I'm losing and that the Big Fella is noticing it (he said yesterday that the roll on my back seems to be gone - isn't he a charmer ;-)  )


I'm grateful that my son is pretty easy to entertain most of the time and that he wants to spend time with his parents.


I'm grateful for friends, old and new, who look out for me and try their darndest to pick me up and help me out.


I'm grateful for an old fashioned country town where everyone looks out for each other.


I'm grateful for heating and undercover washing lines.


I'm grateful for a husband who loves me and does everything he can to provide for me in every way, including making time to give me a break when I'm losing the plot.  And I love how he has a go at so many things and normally does a really good job of it.  Honey, you're amazing and I love you and the spark and interest you add to life!


I'm grateful for the fact I can read and write and have access to the internet :-D


I'm grateful for my awesome family.  Even though we don't get to see each other as much as we might like, and we're all pretty bad at phone calls, there is a deep well of love between each of us (getting teary) and I know I will always be able to count on them.  I love you guys!!!


I'm grateful for the healthcare system we have.  Even though it's not perfect, we're generally well looked after and money doesn't stop you getting care.


Yeah, I have a lot to be grateful for.

Disconnected ramblings

You know, I don't really feel like writing a blog post tonight.  I'm feeling cranky and frustrated and annoyed!  Doesn't make for particularly interesting reading.


I should be in bed but there's no chance I'll go to sleep yet.  My body would really like 11pm to 7:30am as sleep time, but that really isn't going to happen with an early riser toddler and a morning person husband.


We watched "P.S. I love you" this evening.  I know, it's a pretty old movie.  But I hadn't seen it.  There were tears all over the place in this house.  But lots of laughing too.  It was a beautifully balanced movie in that way.


My son just did a big snort in his sleep!  Just like his Daddy!!!  When we first got married (yep, I'm one of those seriously old-fashioned people who didn't live with my hubby until we got married, AND... didn't have sex either!  Eeek! ;-)), I used to giggle through the night because the Big Fella would start snoring softly, then get louder and louder until he'd startle himself to half-wakefulness with a big snort!  I'd stay awake just to hear it and have a giggle to myself.


The sun finally appeared today.  It's been absent for about a week and I was hanging for some golden rays in my day.


Okay, enough rambling.  I'm off to bed in the hope that tomorrow will be better.

Shopping is stressful!

We were invited to a playdate this morning and, even though it was outside and cold, we had a great time!  The Little Big Fella loved the dogs and chooks and played really nicely with the other kids.  And I really enjoyed hanging out with the other mums and talking about "stuff", walking around the garden (especially the vege garden) and just relaxing.  It was good!

This afternoon though...

I'm sure I've mentioned before that since we've moved here doing the food shopping with the Little Big Fella has been chaotic.  He wants to run around the store and basically behave badly the whole time.

It started at the post office.  Our post office closed at the start of the month so now we collect our mail from the next town.  I decided to collect the mail before doing the food shopping in case there was a long line.  There was a line and the Little Big Fella decided that he didn't want to listen to Mummy but wanted to run around the store and look at things and touch them.

After about a minute of this I picked him up and made him stay with me until we collected our mail.

He's heavy.

And squirmy.

And noisy and complaining.

When the mail arrives there's heaps of it!  Literally!  A couple of boxes, a couple of satchels and a bag full of letters.  We only collected the mail last Wednesday!  Guess that's what happens when you order stuff online :-D

The Big Fella had ordered some stuff for reloading bullets (he's quite enjoying the local gun range but ammo is a bit spensy so he's making his own).

And I'd ordered collars for the puppies and some stuff from Fly Lady.  I have a big feather duster that actually collects dust instead of just spreading it around the place!  And a water bottle that doesn't make everything around it wet through condensation!  (I know, it's the small things that amuse me.)

OH!  And I got an IKEA catalogue, which I'm yet to peruse but am so looking forward to :-D

When we left the post office it was raining so I decided to put the mail in the shopping trolley and just do the food shopping.

The Little Big Fella decided he'd sit in the trolley, which is fine with me because then he's not running and touching stuff.

It lasted for 3 aisles.

We got through to the end of the store and were about to collect our cold items before checking out when the Little Big Fella starts trying to go into the staff area.  Turns out he thought it was the loo.  So we leave the trolley and run through the store to the public toilets outside (me crossing everything in the hope that we'd make it in time!).  Thankfully, we made it!

Back into the supermarket to finish our shopping and the Little Big Fella was not listening and nearly ran into several people then backed into our trolley and bumped his head.  Sigh.

We eventually made it through the checkout and out to the car.  It was starting to rain so I got the Little Big Fella to jump up into his seat while I put the shopping in the car.  I took the trolley back, jumped in my seat, put my seatbelt on and was about to drive away when I realised I hadn't put his seatbelt on.

By this time it's raining.

I get out and run around the car, open his door and do him up then run back around to my seat without getting too wet.

As we're driving along the highway back to home I see something in my peripheral vision, just above my head.  I look up, already knowing what I'll see.  Yep, it's a spider.

Now, I'm driving at 100 along the highway so I have to make an important decision (after a mini moment of freaking out that there's a spider above my head).

Do I pull over or risk that I can squish the little bugger first time without it dropping onto me, causing panic and probably ending with me driving us off the road?

I decide to take the risk...

And I got him first time!!! :-D

You thought it was going to be just like in those old AAMI ads right?  The spider drops down on the girl's lap and she freaks and drives into a lake?  Nope!  Not today!  Today I am victorious!  Ha ha spider!  Take that!!!

(Can you tell I'm a little tired?)

We make it home safely and then I have the horrible job of putting everything away.  There are things about our kitchen that are not working for me yet and they all come to the fore when I unpack the shopping.

So after a crappy shopping trip I get to come home and fight to put everything where it goes.  I've also missed my workout for the day and I know I'm not going to fit it in anywhere else.  And I missed my afternoon snack so I'm just a tad cranky.

Thankfully Daddy was aware of what was happening and took the nagging little toddler into the office to watch the end of a movie with him, giving Mummy a chance to take her cranky pants off :-)

This evening I had the chance to talk to my Nanna too.  I'd loaded Skype on their computer when we were visiting earlier this month but she hadn't had a chance to try it yet.  Unfortunately it didn't work but we ended up having a chat on the phone anyway, which was great!  I miss her.

And just after the Big Fella went to work his mum Skyped us too.  So I've had some great family chats tonight.

But, once again, it is time for bed.  Goodnight!  And thanks so much for reading my blatherings :-)

I wonder if I'd go to jail...

It's cold tonight.  Probably going to get down to 4 or 5 degrees overnight.


We put the puppies out to bed at about 9:30 and made sure they had plenty of blankets and sleeping space (it appears Frankie has kicked Choccie out of the doghouse so I made sure she had a nice warm blanket to tuck into).


They barked and barked and barked.


I went out and put them back to bed (after a few stern words).


The Big Fella fell asleep and I was just nodding off when I hear a whole bunch of yelping!  I raced out of bed, dragging my slippers and a jumper on, and raced outside to see what was happening.


The two pups joyfully ran around to greet me while the dogs over the back fence bark at me because they think I've been hurting the pups.


Insert internal expletives.


I take the puppies back to bed and say goodnight.


Just about to fall asleep again when the yelping begins again.


Sigh.


I'm sure there's a conspiracy to stop me getting proper sleep!


I've started to wonder if the yelping is Frankie deciding that the dog house, with its blanket, AND the other blanket are his, therefore attacking Choccie so she has nowhere to sleep and is wandering around barking to keep herself warm or something.


I go into the shed and collect a large cardboard box, followed by two joyful little (not sleeping) puppies.  I take the box around to the sleeping space and put the blanket in (the box is sideways like a kennel).


Frankie decides they are both his.


I hold Choccie back and tell Frankie to go to bed.  He chooses the doghouse.  I put Choccie in the box and Frankie tries to have a little go at her.  I growl at Frankie and put him back in the doghouse then pat both dogs in their respective sleeping places.


I go back upstairs and realise that I am now completely awake so I do my online banking and write this post.


If the dogs bark again, I'd consider serious injury.  Can't you tell by the way I'm writing this post that I am not in my normal state of mind???  I wonder if I'd get off on a temporary insanity plea???


Note:  For those of you who might be worried, I wouldn't really hurt the dogs.  I am venting my frustration with an attempt at mild humour.

Gross me out!!!!

I didn't take a picture.


Maybe I should have.


No, definitely not!


I've cleaned my toilet several times (as you'd hope) since we've moved it but it never seemed properly clean.  So I pulled it apart today.  You know, un-did the annoying plastic screw thingys underneath that hold the seat onto the porcelain?


If you have a weak stomach DO NOT CONTINUE READING!!!!!


So I pulled the lid off and there, on the porcelain where the seat rests, and on the bottom of the seat that rests there, was a relatively thick layer of poo!


I'm gagging just writing this!


Maybe I shouldn't post it?


Meh!


I can understand pee spray (especially with a little boy in the house!) but how on Earth do you get poo in there???


I'm getting those horrible shivers up and down my spine!!!


The Big Fella was home when I was doing this and suggested we just chuck it and go buy a new one.  But I was able to clean it up (I had to get an old toothbrush out for the job and yes! it is now in the bin) and now we have a clean, sparkly loo!


Yay!


Every time I use it now I see it sparkling back at me and it makes me smile :-D


(Yes, it is late and I should be in bed!)

My 100th post, dedicated to my Mum

Wow!  I'm up to my hundredth post already!  Who'd have thought I'd keep going this long and that people would still find it at least slightly interesting!


Now, what could I say that would be worthy of this milestone?


I think, especially with tomorrow being Mother's Day, I'm really don't have any other choice but to dedicate this post to my Mum.


I'm the oldest of four children and Mum stayed home with us until my brother, the youngest, started school.  Times were often tough and Mum somehow made the budget stretch to keep us all fed, clothed and entertained.


I think Mum sometimes feels like she didn't do the best job (I wonder if that's just how most all Mums feel, at least sometimes) but I know that my sisters, brother and I know she's awesome!  I mean, how many people do you know that could successfully keep 4 kids in line, not only with strong discipline but also plenty of love?


Although I know she was strict, that's not what I remember.  I remember the fun dinners with a colour theme, dressing up, baking slices, learning the 1-2-1 formula for a basic white sauce, tramping around in the bush and lighting a campfire, her incredible wisdom and the best hugs in the world!


Mum is creative in a million ways!

• She has some great crafty skills and style.
• I don't think I've ever read or heard of a thrifty skill or idea that I haven't seen her employ.
• She can make a meal stretch from feeding 6 people to feeding 20 with barely any notice!
• She can make a meal when there's nothing in the cupboard!
• She can turn a boring wet day into an awesome adventure.
• She can make the Women's Weekly birthday cake book cake of your choice and it will look awesome :-)

I got to work at the same place with my Mum for several years and the thing I noticed, the thing that stood out about her compared to everyone else there, was that the Mum I grew up with, who made me feel safe, comfortable and at home, was the person others got to meet.  Mum has a wonderful sense of hospitality and an amazing ability to put people at ease.  Whenever we had new staff she'd just take them under her wing and make them feel comfortable and relaxed and welcome.  She'd help them settle in.  And it wasn't her defined role that made this happen, it was her personality and unique skills.

My husband jokes that when I'm in a bad mood I need to speak to or visit my Mum.  When we lived in the same town he'd bundle me into the car and we'd drop round for a visit.  He says that she somehow makes me happier in a way that he doesn't know how to.

I remember as I was growing up, so many times wondering how my Mum got to be so wise.  She always knew the right thing to say (even on the odd occasion when I didn't want to hear it).  She was my comfort, a source of challenge, my most trusted adviser and confidant.

Since having the Little Big Fella I have appreciated even more how unique and wonderful my Mum is.  The hours of care, the constant encouragement, the wisdom, the stamina and the love my Mum has shown to me and my siblings blows me away.

Mum, I love you!  If you couldn't tell, I think you're awesome!  I miss you and I always love talking to you.  I hope you have a wonderful Mother's Day and that the others still in Victoria do their best to spoil you like you deserve (I know they will).  Big cyber hugs and kisses (and a tissue coz you probably need one too).  I love you Mum.

Moving with a toddler

Raaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That is all.






















Okay, it's not quite all.  When we first knew we'd be moving towns (about 6 months ago) I read a bunch of suggestions online about how to help a toddler through this major upheaval in their little lives.  I read about books that help them understand (at least a little) what is going on, having parties with friends, packing their own things, keeping normal routines and talking about all the great things about moving.


Nothing I read mentioned how absolutely shirty they could get, and that you'd get to the point where you wanted to strangle them!!!


I guess I should have known.  I mean, we have our bad days anyway so adding a big unknown change would obviously exacerbate those.


But, seriously!  The past few weeks, as things have started disappearing into boxes and Mummy has been busy packing and cleaning, the Little Big Fella has turned into this horrible little cranky monster.


It all culminated today in major tears and crankiness when we visited my grandparents this evening.  He LOVES Poppy especially and is so excited when we visit them.  But he hadn't slept this afternoon when he really needed it, we didn't get to do his favourite things with Poppy (flying the radio-controlled helicopter and riding on the tractor), and Gran cooked a lovely quiche that he wouldn't eat.


Sigh.  What is it about being around family that can sometimes make you feel like the worst parent in the world?  In my case I think it's that I had such high expectations of what kind of mother I would be and how my child/ren would behave and things haven't turned out that way.  And I guess I've made decisions that have led to some of the issues I'm currently facing with my gorgeous (no, that wasn't sarcastic) son.


Anyway, if you're moving (especially further than the other side of town) with a toddler, let me warn you:


You're going to have some super bad days and they will play up more than you might have seen before!


But you know what?  We've also had some gorgeous moments these past few weeks.  He's obviously been vulnerable and has needed extra cuddles and attention sometimes, which has led to some lovely conversations and (especially when I make the time for it) close, caring, loving moments that are the sweetness that makes life (especially when you're stressed) not only bearable, but wonderful.

Feeling funk-y

Today started average and kept up the pace all day.  I'm starting to feel a little pressured about getting everything done in time for the move so I woke up fairly task-focused.  Unfortunately the Little Big Fella was feeling kind of clingy and attention-hungry.  It's not a good combination.


I tried to tell myself that if I stopped and played with him for a bit we'd do better, but I was really task-focused so I didn't do so well at actually giving him the attention he needed.


After a bit of shooting in the hallway (with the Nerf gun) I did a little cleaning (have I mentioned that I hate venetian blinds?).  But I was really tired too and frustrated by how hard it can be to clean with a toddler in the house.


I'd decided not to go out and do a couple of errands today.  We're going out to a play date tomorrow so I thought I'd combine the two trips into one instead.  But that meant being home all day when I feel average.


I even tried to have a rest with the Little Big Fella on my bed.  But he wasn't anywhere near sleepy and kept putting his feet and elbows in my stomach until I had to get up and go to the loo!!!


I try so hard to get out of a funk when I'm in one, but I haven't been very successful lately.  And sometimes just the fact that I'm a mother is enough to get me down.


On the plus side, I did get a window and another set of blinds clean.  And I didn't get cranky at my son for being a toddler who loves his mum and wants her attention.  And I didn't get take away for dinner (even though I wanted to), but instead gave us proper meals (yay for leftovers and chicken nuggets in the freezer).


Tomorrow we have a play date booked with some of the mums from our mum's group.  The group got together when our kids were between one and four months old so we've known them for about three years, and been through some tough times together.  I think it's likely to be another sad goodbye.  But hopefully some fun reminiscing and general playtime too :-)

The body and happiness

I read a post today from a lady titled "I love my boobs and bum".  The paragraph that particularly caught my attention was

"I don’t believe in scales, I wear what I want to wear – in the size that I want.  If something doesn’t fit – I go up a size – as long as I still feel marvellously womanly – and am still healthy and active – I really don’t give a toss what those numbers mean."

And I realised that I don't particularly like my body at the moment.  I used to look in the mirror and by quite satisfied most of the time.  I thought I was relatively attractive, in pretty good shape, fairly healthy - nothing much to complain about (except when those hormones kick in of course, they always screw your vision completely!).


But these days when I look in the mirror I tend to see mostly negatives.  I'm starting to get wrinkly (mostly laugh lines, but still...), I'm carrying some rolls that are uncomfortable and make me feel unattractive, and I look kind of like a haggard stay-at-home mum most of the time.  And most of my clothes are old and not especially flattering.  I don't feel "marvellously womanly... healthy and active".


Of course, there's only one person to blame... my husband!!!! :-D  Just kidding, of course! But he is a significant motivator for me.  I like to look good for him, I tend to control my eating much better when he's around, I don't emotional-eat so much when we're together and I cook healthier, more nutritionally balanced meals for him than I do for just myself and the Little Big Fella.  So nearly 6 months of living apart hasn't been so good for me.


But I've also been thinking about how the way we see our bodies (and how we treat them) has such a strong link with our levels of happiness.
When I'm happy I look in the mirror and feel okay, sometimes even great!
When I'm not happy, it's all bad!
When I'm happy, I feed my body what it needs and get it moving semi-regularly.
When I'm not, I eat more (and more junk), slob around on the couch and put on weight.
When I'm happy, I dress fairly well, do my makeup and hair, paint my nails, wear perfume and so on.
When I'm not, I chuck on whatever, chuck my hair in a ponytail, and that's pretty much it for the day.


So I wonder, if I start doing the things I would normally do when I'm happy, will that make me feel better?  My guess is it would.  But, do I have the motivation and energy to make myself do it?  That is the question!

My cranky pants got stuck and wouldn't come off!!!

Today was not a terrific Tuesday!  I would almost go so far as to say it was a terrible Tuesday!


It actually started out okay!  The Little Big Fella came into my room, grabbed my phone and called his Daddy to tell him he'd been to the toilet to do wees.  Tee hee hee (I know, sometimes I'm very immature).


We had a nice start to the day but then the enormity of the upcoming packing and cleaning process hit me and then, for some crazy reason, I put my cranky pants on.  And they really DID get stuck!  And I couldn't get them off no matter how hard I tried!  And I really did try... all day!  Sigh.  I swear, someone must have shrink-wrapped them on to me!!!


So when I started boxing up the wrapping paper and ribbons and the Little Big Fella wanted to "help" by unraveling all the ribbons, I didn't react so well.  I tried to be nice and reasonable, but I don't think I was very successful.


Then when I went to have a shower, the rubbish bins were in there soaking, so I had to clean them and they kept falling over and I couldn't get in and have my shower and I didn't react so well.


Then when the Little Big Fella's friend came over to play and they asked me every 5 seconds if they could ride the motorbike, I didn't react so well.


And when I tried to start cleaning out downstairs so that I'd have somewhere to put the boxes I'm going to start packing, there is SO much junk that needs to be sorted through, and all the boxes we've already packed have been opened and need to be re-packed... and I didn't react so well.


And when the Little Big Fella's friend invited himself over for lunch and then made a slightly bizarre sandwich request... I didn't react so well.


And when the Little Big Fella's friend returned at 2:30 (when he knows sleep time doesn't end before 3) to stay for a sleepover... I didn't react so well.


And when the Little Big Fella got angry at his other friend who came over for a while... I didn't react so well.  But I shouldn't have been surprised because I really wasn't being a good example today.


And when the boys splashed bath water ALL over the bathroom... I didn't react so well.


And when story time became a major dilemma because someone couldn't see the book... I didn't react so well.


And when the boys started running around again and got hot and sweaty and mildly injured... I didn't react so well.


But now that the boys are asleep and the house is cleaned up I think the cranky pants might be peeling off and maybe, just maybe they'll disappear completely and tomorrow will be a lovely happy day.  It could happen!