Shopping Trolleys

I need to rant.

And given that this is my blog and I can write whatever I like, I'm going to do it here.

What is the deal with all the lazy people who won't put their trolley in the trolley bay???

I mean, how hard is it to walk up to 10 metres to put it away?

And then, once you're there, why wouldn't you push it into the other trolleys so that they don't run away or get all tangled up together?

Am I so strange that I think this is how it should be?

I've heard that some people say, "why should I do it?  I don't get paid for that!".

To which I say, "you lazy bum!".

Just because a store pays someone to come and collect them doesn't give you license to be lazy and leave your trolley in the middle of the car park, where other cars can run into it (if, for example, it's left between two parked cars and you don't see it), or where it can run away and crash into parked cars.

And what ever happened to being a part of the world community???  You don't get paid to put your rubbish in the bin, or keep your spit to yourself, or smile at others, or use your manners, or help someone out.

Bah!

Stop being so immature and pathetic and give 5 seconds of your time and a tiny bit of effort, and put your trolley in the bay!

In too deep?

One of the things that's kind of awesome about being an at-home mum is that you have a lot of time.

Sure!  It gets filled with the needs of a child, the messes of a child, the friends and activities of a child, but as the parent of only 1 child I recognise that I have a lot of control over what happens and when in our house.

You may have noticed in reading my blog over the nearly two years I've been writing, that I tend to have periods of intense activity, followed by periods of totally boring domesticity.

With the development of Pinterest and the on-coming Christmas season, now is not a period of totally boring domesticity!

I have a few things on my plate right now and I'm starting to wonder if I'm in a little deep.

I've been Treasurer of our playgroup this year, which is a really easy job.  But we're planning the end-of-year party and there's a few bits and pieces that need doing for that.

The Little Big Fella is starting Prep next year, so he's having Transition afternoons at school over these three weeks.  And after meeting his teacher last week, we've been convinced that the more he knows in terms of letters and numbers, and the more independent he is, the easier starting school will be for him.

So he and the Big Fella have decided that the Little Big Fella can learn to spell his name (and then all the other words Daddy wants to teach him - he already knows the names of the letters but can only write 3 of them), and tie his shoelaces.

Which, of course, means that I'll be involved in support and supplementary teaching ;-)

Christmas is coming and I've been busily making cards, tree decorations, indoor decorations, outdoor decorations, trashing my house in a creative frenzy...

I joined the CWA this year as well and recently found out that our local supermarket offers the facilities to run fundraising BBQs.  After seeing the effects of Typhoon Haiyan on TV, and my family having various connections with the Philippines, I suggested that we run a BBQ to raise funds to send for their recovery.  You guessed it!  I get to organise it.

Just to make it clear, I'm excited about it, and I'm hoping to get a decent turnout so we can make a reasonable donation, but it's another thing on my list.  And, of course, I decided to make it slightly more intense by adding a cake stall, so I have to do a little cooking for it (as well as all the awesome people who've offered to contribute as well.

Then there are the various parties, events and Christmas gatherings over the next five weeks.  And the housework and feeding and entertaining of my Fellas.

Then we need to add a final, and potentially apple-cart upsetting element.  Last week I received an e-mail containing a letter of offer!

Back in March I applied for a 4-day-a-week position as a teller at one of the banks.  I didn't receive it, but was contacted in May, I think, for an alternative position.  Over the past months I've been waiting and going through various processes and have been offered a position as a casual relief teller, both in our closest town, and our closest large town.

Funnily enough, I spoke to the branch manager the next day and she hadn't heard from the Human Resources Department yet.  But once all of those processes have been completed, I will be required for two weeks of full-time training.

Most likely before Christmas.

No doubt at some point in the very near future I will feel completely overwhelmed by all of this, but at this point, I'm actually feeling exhilarated!  I have lots to do and I'm interested in what I'm doing.

All these crafty activities are encouraging to me because I'm good at them and I'm very satisfied with the results.

The organising tasks are exhilarating because I'm pretty good at that too!  Hopefully I keep remembering to delegate - not only to keep from overwhelm, but also to allow others to participate and enjoy these activities, which are often the kinds of things that strengthen friendships.

Oh!  And I finally caught up with the ironing tonight and have relocated the ironing board to the cupboard for the first time all week!

Am I in too deep?  Probably!  But all this activity, right now, makes for a pretty happy stay-at-home mum.

Now to reclaim my dining table from my frenzied craft activities, finish the stockings for the fence, put up the Christmas lights, finish the Christmas cards, make that wreath out of roadside weeds... and make sure I clean my oven before my grandparents get here for Christmas :-D

Unambitious

Over the past month I've had the privilege of spending time with both of my sisters (unfortunately not at the same time).  They are awesome women and I love them both to pieces!

One thing that they have in common is that they're ambitious!

My youngest sister started working in a major department store quite a while ago (maybe 10 years?) and has since worked her way from the shop floor to the office to now being the person who decides what products to sell in one of the departments.

My other sister is currently an at-home-mum, but has her sights set on major event planning.  Not just weddings, big parties, business meeting-type events.  She's looking at major festivals and shows.  She'll be starting study to meet those goals next year.

Then there's me.

I only ever dreamed of being a mum, and maybe a secretary.  And while motherhood has turned out to be WAY harder than I ever thought, I still haven't dreamed of anything else for myself.

Until now.

Talking to my sister this week made me ask myself, "why not?".

My answer so far is that my location and my son have caused me to limit my possibilities.  But that's not necessary.  Between the internet, YouTube, the support of my husband and friends, the reality is that I could do anything!

But what do I want to do?

Looks like it's time for a little dreaming!

What do you DO all day???

Okay, we've had our little rant about giving the guys a break and letting them be men.  Now it's time for the stay-at-home mums.

Before I had the Little Big Fella, I wondered what stay-at-home mums did.  I mean, it doesn't take that long to clean the house, does it?  I could do it in a couple of hours on the weekend, after a full week at work, no worries!

And babies sleep so much!  What on earth could mums do all day???

Although I kind of knew that it wasn't as easy as it seemed, I had quite a delusional concept of life at home, looking after the kids.  I expected it to be pretty cruisey, and that keeping the house in immaculate condition, providing hours of educational entertainment for my child/ren and cooking wonderful, nutritional meals, all on a tight budget (obviously required because I wouldn't be working) would be a cinch!

Ha!

(Yes, that was definitely an Edna Krabapple impersonation!)

Turns out that being an at-home mum isn't as cruisey as it seemed (how's that for understatement, mums???).

Let's start with that new baby.  Yeah, the one that takes an hour to feed, burp and change their nappy, then is ready to start again two hours later.  Do that 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for say... a few months, and tell me how you're keeping it together.  Oh!  And have you been to the bathroom today?  Lucky you!  Had a shower this week?

So baby finally gets into some semblance of a routine, and you're getting a combined total of 8 hours sleep a night (seriously, that feels like being on speed!).  But now baby is starting to move!  All of a sudden, all those "trinkets" (read: CDs) aren't safe where they've been living, so the house suddenly gets a makeover.

Because, as much as you thought you'd just teach your child/ren not to touch, it turns out that saying "no" every 5 seconds is really annoying, and you actually need to do other things (like use the facilities, or cook dinner).

And because baby won't stay where you put him/her, and baby likes to put everything in their mouth, you feel the need to clean the floor after every meal, and several extra times a day if it rains (how does grass get inside when it rains, when no one has even been outside???).

And now baby is a toddler.  They toddle over to the massive bookshelf and try to climb it.  They toddle outside and attempt to navigate the stairs.  They toddle around the side of the house and climb the lattice until they're higher than your head (hello my gorgeous nephew!!!!).

So you're attempting to keep your child/ren alive, whilst still trying to use the loo and/or cook dinner (mothers develop an incredible ability to do multiple things by this time).

Meanwhile, you're attempting to keep the house somewhere near liveable (you gave up immaculate the day your child was born!), and trying not to drown under Mount Washmore.

I thought that when the Little Big Fella went to kindy, I'd have some time to myself.  Apparently I was still deluded.

Let me give you an example of a fairly typical day at this point in our lives:

I get up at 6 and start putting the dishes away to help myself fully wake up.  I make my breakfast, and the Little Big Fella's, then after we've eaten I clean up.  Then it's downstairs for about 20 minutes for my workout.  The Little Big Fella watches a bit of TV, or sometimes comes down and talks to me, or tries to workout with me (always entertaining).

Then it's back upstairs to shower, dress, and do the last minute things before we officially start the day.  I also dress the Little Big Fella (normally takes about 10 minutes because he has issues with "focusing" - I'm starting to think that toys in the bedroom is a bad idea).

Most days it would now be time to head out somewhere - kindy, or playgroup, or just to go check the mail.  The rest of the morning is my most productive time and includes a selection of the following:

• food shopping (How can two small words equal such a big task???  Drive to the shop, no worries.  Select the food, yeah, okay.  Go through the register, starting to get stressed out if I have the Little Big Fella with me.  Drive home, okay.  Drag the bags upstairs.  Put everything away, whilst being hassled about everything from putting on a superhero suit, to eating something, to watching a movie, to visiting friends, to going to the park...)
• clothes washing (Again, two small words that equal a big job)
• vacuuming
• mopping
• putting stuff away (There's always plenty of that to do, even though we've downsized so much and have such a little house)
• dishes
• food preparation (I try to prepare a bunch of things at the start of the week so that I have easy food on-hand)
• changing the bedding
• cleaning the bathroom
• putting more stuff away (I told you, there's always plenty of this to do!)
• more dishes
• whipper snipping and mowing (because of the Big Fella's hours, I end up doing this about half the time.)
• cleaning the car, inside and out
• feeding the dogs
• washing and flea-treating the dogs
• putting stuff away downstairs or outside

Now, if you separate those tasks out to the days of the week, they don't seem like that big a deal, right?  But now add a pre-schooler with no siblings. A pre-schooler who is really getting ready for big school.  A pre-schooler who is starting to get bored at home!

Now we need to add in the millions of requests and interruptions!  Things like those listed in the food shopping note - superhero costumes (at least 4 changes every day, sometimes 4 in 15 minutes!), movies, friends, food, drink, toilet assistance (some of those costumes can be tricky!), can we go to the park?  Can we visit my friend?  Can we go to the toy store?  Can I have something to eat (literally every 5 minutes when he's having a growth spurt)? I want to watch Batman.  I want to look at costumes (online, mind you!).  Mum, I'm hungry.

Are you annoyed yet?  Try having that as the constant soundtrack to your day for a few days.  How about a couple of months?  And then try to get something done.  Try going to the bathroom and being interrupted by a pre-schooler who needs the only toilet in the house and can't go on the grass because he needs to do...

Yeah, we won't finish that sentence.

Well!  We've made it to lunch time!  Congratulations!!!!  Now we get to have the "I don't want that" conversation (which will be repeated at dinner time).  It generally goes with the "I've made it for you and that's what you're having" soundtrack.

Now, considering that we're modern-day mothers, we also think it's important to attempt to educate our children and provide them with rich, learning experiences.  Because "good" mums do arts and crafts with their kids, and cook with them, and teach them their letters and numbers before they go to school, and sing songs, and read books, and play.  And then we also want them to socialise (and, yes, we want to get a break from it all too).

If we're lucky (and no, I'm not anymore) our child/ren will have an afternoon nap and we'll get a bit of time to sit down without being jumped on or demanded of, or catch up with a few people on Facebook, or read a bit of a book, or catch up on the housework that needs doing that didn't get done this morning.

Late afternoon, for us, is often outside.  It normally includes me taking the washing off the line, while the Little Big Fella plays in his sandpit or with the dogs, or jumps on his trampoline, or plays with the little girl next door.  Often it will include a ride to the park to play with whoever is there, while the mums have a chat.

Then it's home to prepare dinner.  For most mums this is a stressful time of day.  You're attempting to make a nutritious meal for your family, but being interrupted, or "helped", or it might just be that everyone has run out of patience for the day.

Dinner, because it's so nutritious, will probably include the "I don't like that" conversation with at least one person.

Then it's time to have a shower or bath and put the lovely little munchkin/s to bed.  I'm super lucky in this one because the Little Big Fella enjoys his shower, and when he's tired, he's happy to go to bed (in fact, he's grumpy if there's not a bed to go to).

But even with this "dream" child, there's the inevitable nights where he'll be up and down, or calling for me to "come sit with me, Mummy", or just not tired and can't fall asleep.

And then, even though he sleeps through the night, there's the nights where illness or bad dreams interrupt sleep.

See, being a mum isn't "hard" per se.  But being on call, 24/7 is.  And even when someone else is looking after your child/ren, you still wonder about them: How are they going?  Are they having fun?  Are they behaving?  Have they made friends?  Should I really have let him go to kindy today, because he had a bit of a runny nose?  Is he going to be too hot/cold?  Will he be okay with those pants, because they have a zip?

And our expectations of ourselves are often ridiculously high.

So, when you come into the home of a stay-at-home mum, and the floors aren't quite clean, there's dishes all over the sink, toys scattered everywhere, and people looking a little disheveled, don't think "what do you do all day?".  Because it's possible that it hasn't been the best day, and said mum already feels like a failure right now.

Or she's decided that today is about spending time with her kids, rather than making the house "presentable".

Or maybe she just decided that she needed a "mental health" day, and the TV has been on all day so she could read, or spend some time on Facebook, or maybe, just maybe, go to the bathroom in peace ;-)

The Balancing Act Called Motherhood

As well as re-creating our whole house (well, that's almost how it feels), I've been pondering the dilemma of modern motherhood lately.  Or perhaps I should say modern parenting because Dads get their fair share of this one too.

You know what I'm talking about; the balancing act between work and home, hands-on and hands-off, nurturing and discipline, child's needs and parent's needs... and on and on it goes.

When we moved here I expected to be able to find a great Family Day Carer (although, I didn't expect anyone to live up to SuperCarer's standards really), then get a job and complain about how hard it is to balance work and motherhood.

But it hasn't quite worked out that way.

So for me, right now, the balancing act is particularly between my needs and the Little Big Fella's needs.  And I don't think the balance is great just now.

I'm an introvert.  That doesn't necessarily mean I'm shy - it means that when I'm exhausted or overwhelmed or basically need to recharge, I need to be alone.  And at the moment, that's just not happening.

Instead, I'm getting constant touch (mostly licks actually - from the Little Big Fella ??? and the dogs), constant interruption (normally with requests for food or to call a friend to play with), and no chance to recharge.

And it's making me an absolute cranky pants!!!

Obviously, for all our sakes, I need some time out.  Because our balance is out!

So what do I do?

Well, for starters, tonight the Big Fella and I made sure the dishes were done as soon as dinner was finished.  That takes the evening load off, just that little bit.

Also, luckily, the Little Big Fella was pretty tired tonight and crashed in bed as soon as he'd had his shower.

Then the Big Fella and I watched a TV show together before he went off to work.  I painted my nails at the same time (it's weird that a bit of care and attention to your nails can re-set your head).

And now I'm taking some time to read a bit of parenting stuff online (like this one about guilt, and this one about the core of parenting) and blog about my failures :-)

The house is quiet and nothing is demanding my attention.  It's not late so I don't feel guilty or concerned about how tired I'll be tomorrow.

I feel relaxed and re-set and ready to take on the challenge again tomorrow.

And you know there'll be a new balancing act to conquer tomorrow, because that's what happens in this life they call "parenting" - there's always a challenge!

Times are a-changing

This week was the Little Big Fella's first "full" week (3 days) of kindy.

On Monday he cried when I left.  As in, bawled his poor little eyes out.  Gosh that's hard for a mother to take!  Even though you know he's going to be fine, and will probably stop crying as soon as you're out of sight, it tears at you.

Of course, by the time we picked him up that afternoon, the Little Big Fella was telling us how much he liked kindy and that he'd had a good day.

As we were getting ready on Tuesday morning, the Little Big Fella turns to me, with a quivering lip and says, "Mummy, I'm going to be shy at kindy today".

I turned to him and asked, "why?  You said you had a great time at kindy yesterday."

After a little discussion about the things he likes at kindy, and the kids he plays with, I suggested that he try not being shy at kindy and see how that goes.  He reluctantly agreed.

At kindy I signed him in and we put his things away.  One of his friends came over and obviously wanted to play with him, so I encouraged the Little Big Fella to play, said goodbye and walked out.  I didn't hear him cry, but thought there might have been a quivering lip.

On Wednesday morning at kindy I signed him in and we put his things away.  He dragged me over to the reading room, where another boy was doing a puzzle.  The Little Big Fella watched and then tried to help (I'm not real sure the other boy wanted help, but what's that got to do with anything???).  When the puzzle was done, my Little Big Fella turned around, gave me a kiss and a cuddle and said, "Mummy, it's time for you to go now".

Have you ever had conflicting emotions?  Right then, mine were an internal fist-pump, and my heart breaking (okay, I'm being a little melodramatic - but I did feel slightly rejected).

I think I might have found the right words to explain what's going on.  For almost four years, I have been everything to my Little Big Fella, and he has been almost everything to me (Big Fella not excluded, of course!).  Now, all of a sudden our lives are beginning to diverge.  Of course it's a necessary, healthy thing, but it's still a bit of a shock to the system!

On Tuesday, on a whim the Big Fella and I decided to go to our closest major town.  We got to spend almost six hours exclusively together!

There were no interruptions, there was no whining, there were no additional requests for the bathroom when we only went 5 minutes ago!

We even got to go to an Irish pub and have lunch together!  It was SO pleasant!  We even got to order food that the Little Big Fella probably wouldn't eat without complaining (and certainly not without making a huge mess!).  Bliss, I tell ya!

I attended a CWA (Country Women's Association) meeting this week as well.  The CWA is all about supporting people, especially women and children, in rural environments.  They do all kinds of things, depending on the area and the needs they become aware of.

After my stay in our old town in December, I realised that I need to be doing something that helps people in one way or another.  Because the playgroup will be using the CWA hall, a few of us decided we'd join the CWA and try to contribute through that avenue.

Speaking of the playgroup, I've been enlisted as Treasurer for this year.  And I'm looking forward to being a more formal part of that group.

I've also applied for work, and even if I don't get this particular job, I'll be looking more seriously for part-time employment.

Last year I feel like I was kind of treading water - waiting for the move, slowly getting to know people here, working out how things work around here, waiting for kindy to start.

This year I feel like changes are happening that mean I'm moving forward again.  And I think I'm ready for that :-)

Horror in the backyard

Yesterday morning I received a text from a neighbour who has chickens.  Apparently their chicken gate wasn't closed properly the night before and a dog had gotten in and killed all 6 of them.

I was so glad I'd shut our chooks away that night, because sometimes we leave them to sleep wherever they like.  Probably a bit stupid being in the country with the possibility of foxes and feral cats or whatever.

Well, later that day I was in the garden pulling weeds (seriously, that is not my favourite job!) and I noticed a visiting dog in our back neighbours' yard.  I assumed that they knew about it and were trying to get this beautiful Husky to mate with their Labrador (or maybe she's a golden retriever - I'm not sure of the difference).

Our little male, Frankie, was not happy to have this Husky hanging around.  I mean, he thinks that yard is his as well, so to have a strange male dog hanging about (and I'm pretty sure he thinks Chloe is his girlfriend) was making him cranky.  The two of them were having a pee contest all over the fence too!  Ew!

After quite a while (at least half an hour, maybe even an hour) the Husky suddenly jumped the fence and attacked our silky chook.  Thankfully the Big Fella was around and chased the Husky away before it got our other chooks as well, but I watched my poor Silky stumble for about 30 seconds before collapsing and dying.

I know it's just a chicken, but honestly, watching that was horrific.  Silky, although she'd been quite shy of us, had become part of our family and it was awful to see her go like that.

The Little Big Fella had heard the commotion and come outside to see what was going on.  He saw Silky and knew that something wasn't quite right.  I explained to him that the dog had attacked her and that she was dead - her life was all gone.

You know, he amazes me, that child.  He accepted it.  Just like that.  It wasn't that he didn't care or understand either, he just accepted it.

The dog was collected by its owner a little later.  Apparently it gets out often and has attacked chooks before.  There's a bit I could say about responsible pet ownership but we'll leave that one alone for today.  Suffice for now to say that he offered to replace the chickens (ours and our neighbours').

The whole incident makes me very wary about letting our chooks roam free in our yard though.  But I don't want them to be locked up in their area all the time either (as nice as it is).  I guess we just have to gamble and hope that they'll be safe!

Decisions, decisions

I always loved the Magic 8 ball.

I never had one, mind you.  But I loved the idea of it.

You see, I'm not an indecisive person, per se, but some decisions are hard.  It would be kind of nice to let someone, or something else decide for you sometimes.

Should we have another child?
My sources say no

Should we buy a new car?
Outlook good

Will we ever actually buy a house?
You may rely on it

Although, it might get a little frustrating if it gave answers like, "Reply hazy, try again", or "Cannot predict now", or "Better not tell you now"!

I can understand why people are so interested in fortune tellers, psychics, mediums and the like.  Being a responsible adult can be bloody hard work!  It can be hard to know which way to go, and if you make such-and-such a decision, what impact will that have on this, that and the other.

But palming off the decision to someone or something else is a cheats way through life!  I mean, it's your life!  And making the decisions about it is what makes it yours, for good, or for bad.

My parents had a great way of making hard decisions, one that I'd forgotten about until just recently but have probably used subconsciously many times.  After considering pros and cons, potential impacts of choosing this way or that way, and all the other decision-making steps that might be available to them, they'd decide one way or the other.

Then they'd sit on it.

For 24 hours, they'd live as if the decision had been made and was final.  And they'd see how they felt about that.  Was it a relief?  Did it make them feel unsettled or anxious?  Were they excited about going forward in this way?

Then if they weren't happy with it, they'd change their decision and sit on it for another 24 hours.

Most of the time this would bring one of their options to light as the best option for them (and our family) at that point in time.

I guess, whichever way you decide on any given set of options, you can only make the best decision you can with the information you have available at the time.  Kicking yourself retrospectively is disheartening and pointless.  And I guess making "bad" decisions is all part of the learning process that is life!

Do you have any special tips or tricks for making decisions?

Cooking with Mum

The Little Big Fella is very tall for his age.  In some ways, he also seems older than a three and a half year old.  So sometimes we forget that he's only 3.

Over the past week he has wanted to cook with me.  Great right?  Well, mostly.  See, cooking to him involves handling our (very) sharp knives, and stirring the pots on the stove.  And he's, well, he's rather a determined little man and is harder to distract these days.

So, I've been letting him cook with me.  (I'm pretty sure I mentioned this briefly the other day.)  He has cut up vegetables, and his bread crusts (to feed the chickens), and he handles the knives amazingly well.  He's developing ridiculously good fine motor skills!

(Meanwhile, I'm standing right there, watching him moving his fingers out of the way - on the one hand SO proud of him, and on the other considering how quickly I can get to the first aid box if he slips!)

And the other day he used the mortar and pestle for me.  Now there's a great job for a little boy!!!

Pounding away!

Checking to see if the texture is right yet ;-)

I'm sure I've mentioned before, but I believe that part of my role as a parent is to ensure my child is capable and independent enough to cope with each stage of life as it comes.  Ultimately, I want him to be able to leave home ;-)

But one of the challenges I'm finding is working out when to let him do some things.

I wonder if 3 is too young to handle a sharp knife?

Please! No more!

We live in a small town.  There are about 360 residents.  We have one general store, a railway station and a pub.  Most of the residents here are families.

Our town is located on the busiest country highway in the nation.  A lot of the traffic on this highway is miners driving to and from work.  And a lot of those are in a hurry to get there.

In the past month we've had 3 car accidents in our little town.

Three!

All of them involved alcohol, speed or both.

And the people who live in the houses on the highway are scared!

Is it safe to walk my kids the few hundred metres to school?

Will I be safe in my lounge room at night or will a car come crashing in through the window because the driver is drunk or asleep and forgot to slow down and go around the corner as they came into town?

Can I safely work in my paddock or will some lunatic speed up the end of the car in front of him and come crashing over the train line and into my field?

When I go to work at the station, will I make it all the way without being hit? Or having to go and try to help a young man who's been drinking and speeding and didn't put on his seatbelt and is now bleeding all over the road out the front of the primary school?

When is enough, enough?

How on earth can we get through to people that the choices they make when they get into their cars not only affect them, but potentially their family, their friends, their community and complete strangers???

Please!  Don't drink and drive!  Don't let anyone you're with drink and drive!

Please!  Keep to the speed limit!

Please!  Rest if you're tired!

Please!  No more!