Irrational

Some days I find myself feeling particularly cross.  I snap at my Fellas (normally internally, but sometimes it escapes), and sometimes stomp or crash about, and huff or sigh.  My countenance lacks sunshine, and my words are short and sharp.

My mum's catch phrase in these times is,

"if you can't control (your life, yourself, the world... take your pick), control the mess",

and I have learned that throwing myself into busy housework activity can sometimes improve my mood because I've improved my environment.

I'm the kind of person who looks inwardly and tries to discover the source of ill humour, in the hope that identifying it will allow me to change something and, thus, improve my disposition.

Sometimes the cause is the apparent mass of tasks that need to be done in the short time available.  If I'm honest with you, this is often self-induced, but I do like to add interesting things to the repetitiveness of life.

Or the fact that others in the house appear to contribute only to the messing stuff up, rather than the cleaning up side of things (which, by the way, is completely untrue - it only feels that way some days).

Sometimes the cause of my disharmony is a hangover of whatever has been happening at work.  Others may have been in a foul mood or had disasters in their life, and I take it on.

But sometimes I'm irrationally cranky.  There is no obvious reason for being a sourpuss, and certainly no reason to take it out on others.

As my Poppy used to say, "I've got my cranky pants on"!

And being cranky when it's irrational, makes me crankier because I know I'm being completely unfair on those around me.

So, to my Fellas, I apologise again. You two are wonderful and I incredibly lucky to have both of you!  I love you...

and so do my cranky pants! 

Another new start

We've started back at school this week, which, among other things, means, getting back into routines to keep everything moving along and getting done.

I like routine, but I like flexible routine the best!  I like a routine that says, "when you get up, wake up properly and do a workout.  Then cool down properly and have a shower.  Eat a nutritious, delicious breakfast then finish getting ready to leave the house."

That style of routine suits me much better than, "get up at X.  Get into the gym by Y and out of the shower by Z.  Eat quickly while rushing to finish getting ready to leave the house at such-and-such a time."

Ultimately they're both the same routine, but one is relaxed and flows with however the day is panning out, while the other is rigid and stresses me out.

Unfortunately, my mornings are more the 2nd style of routine because I prefer to stay in bed until the last reasonable moment (especially because getting to sleep is sometimes tricky).

Part of the reason they're more the 2nd style in the mornings is that my hours at work have changed this week.  Instead of 8am to 4pm, I've moved to 7am to 3pm, which means I get home when the Little Big Fella gets home from school.

Which also means that the afternoon/evening is more the first style of routine.

And I'm loving that!

Today we got home and had a swim, then I went to the shops to get milk and such.  While I was there I realised that I could check the mail because the post office was still open!  Previously, getting to the post office after work has been a rush and puts the whole afternoon/evening under pressure.

I'm just enjoying having that extra time to play with my son (yesterday we played UNO Stacko, and Yahtzee).

There is a slight down side, though.  I only have about half an hour after the Little Big Fella goes to sleep before I need to go to bed.  And I'm definitely going to need to change things around a little so that some of the jobs I used to do at the end of the day get done earlier (before I'm completely exhausted).  But overall, this is going well for us so far!

The Little Big Fella started Grade 2 this week.  He has the same teacher as last year, who he absolutely adores!  And he has plenty of friends in his class.

The school he goes to has all composite classes, except for Prep, so this is his first year as a big kid.  His teacher gives the Grade 2 students stickers every time they do something as "a responsible role model", and it seems to be a good motivator.  He's so proud to be able to help.

The Big Fella informed the Little Big Fella this week that he needs to learn how to cook his own breakfast, and that when he's a little bigger, he'll get to cook dinner for us all.

So the Little Big Fella has been cooking his own bacon and eggs, and french toast this week (with supervision - he's not quite ready to tackle the kitchen alone yet!).  He's so proud of the skills he's learning.


Which has made me re-assess my parenting.  The Little Big Fella is big for his age, so often we treat him as an older child.  But there are also lots of times where I baby him and do too much for him, depriving him of the opportunity to learn and be proud of new skills.

So as we start a new school year, and a new season at work, I'm internally challenging myself to allow my son to experience the frustrations and joys of tackling new tasks.  I will take the time (especially in the afternoons, when I feel like I have so much more time) to give him the space to make mistakes and beat the challenges.  I want to give him more chance to be proud of himself, and grow into the man we want him to be.

Decorating The Christmas Tree

Y'all know I love Christmas and decorating the tree really kicks off the season for me.

I'm one of those who won't put the tree up until either December 1st, or the first Saturday in December (depending on the year).  But this year has been slightly hectic so the tree went up on Sunday (still in November!!!), but the decorations didn't make it on until the 1st.

In past years I've done catalogue-style trees and quite enjoyed them.  But my favourite is definitely when I put all of the decorations I've been given on, and have a slightly crazy-looking, homey tree.

I love pulling each one out of the box and unwrapping them, and being reminded of who gave them to me and where I was at the time.

The glass tear drop and the yellow bauble are from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law.  They've had a tradition of giving each other a decoration each year, and they included me as soon as I married the Big Fella.

No family Christmas tree is complete without some home-made items.  And a little whimsy.

I love the ones with photos of family, and how as I place each item on the tree, I'm flooded with memories of good times and great people that make my life rich.

No matter what kind of tree I have, no matter the colour scheme or theme, this bauble always makes it on to the tree.  Before the Big Fella and I started dating we went to a Christmas festival in the street where he worked.  It's a vintage-style street with a real village atmosphere.

A bunch of friends were meant to join us, but for some reason they all pulled out so it ended up being just the Big Fella and I.  (I sometimes wonder if he arranged it that way, but I've never asked.)

We wandered around looking at things and having a great time together, when we came to the little square just up from his workshop.  There was a lady there putting peoples' names on baubles and hanging them from the tree in the centre of the square.

We got our initials put on and hung the bauble in the tree.

After Christmas, when we were officially together, the Big Fella went to the tree and found our bauble.  He produced it the following Christmas (just a few weeks before we were married).

See?  Each ornament has a story and an emotional connection to great times and places!  This is my annual reminder of people who have been in my life and shared a bit of themselves with me.  It reminds me that I am here, the person I am now because of the influence of these wonderful people.

So, my Christmas tree, thank you for reminding me how great life is and how precious people are, and that the "silly season" is about more than stress and money.

Fighting the negative

I've been surrounded recently with negativity.

There's been plenty of complaining about people not doing what they should, not telling others what they need to know, not treating others the way they should, not having the same opinions... it goes on and on.

Along with this has been the stress of the "silly season" and the hot weather.

I've also been hearing of hard times that friends and acquaintances are suffering through.

Then there's all the craziness that's going on in the world at large, along with the fears and deeply-held convictions and conflicts it stirs.

And I find myself fighting desperately against this vortex of negativity.  I don't want it to suck me in and suck the life from me!

So how can I fight the tide?

I try to start with a little self-care.  You can't fight anything if you've got nothing in your tank, so I try to get enough sleep, nutritious (and delicious!) sustenance, and soaking the stress away at the end of the day in the pool is a good start (if it was winter, I'd be running a bubbly bath and lighting a couple of scented candles).

Next I try to remember how much good is in my life, and the things I like about the people around me.

This can be exceptionally hard when the people around me are making my life difficult and adding stress to my day, so it helps to have a list in the back of my head from when times aren't so stressed that I can whip out on days like these!

That person who just turned a busy patch into insanity, may also be the person who takes the time to ask about your life, adds laughter to the day, and contributes significantly to the great environment that normally exists.

You can't go past the power of music in the fight against the negative!  For me, the most effective is a bit of Michael Bubl'e, Meghan Trainor, Human Nature, or good Christmas carols.  Although, a bit of P!nk is often great, too!

Find something that makes you feel good, move, sing (even if it's out of tune!) and lifts the tension.

Finally, doing something for others is SO good for the soul and is a powerful weapon on the war against negativity.

Grabbing a cheap box of icy poles and distributing them to over-heated, cranky workers out in the sun, delivering a care-package to a friend who's having a bad time, making a call to someone who's lonely, or sending a letter to a loved one (a hand-written, snail-mail posted letter is incredibly special!) - it all takes your focus away from the negativity you're surrounded by, and lifts your vision to the "possible".  It reminds you that there's more to life than the current period of stress, and that people are worthy of love and respect.

I don't always win this battle.  There are moments, days, sometimes months when I succumb and dump my bleuch all over the world along with everyone else.

But I will keep fighting because I want my life to be full of the positive, the life-affirming, the reality that life is a beautiful thing.

Summer's here!!!

You might be forgiven for thinking it's the middle of Summer here in Central Queensland!  But, apparently it's still Spring!

This week has seen temperatures hovering close to 40 degrees Celsius (about 104 Fahrenheit), with it only dropping to mid-twenties overnight.

We are exceptionally grateful to have a pool at the moment!  The Fellas have spent several hours each afternoon in it, playing, wallowing and drinking fizzy drinks.

At work the poor guys are repairing our mine machines (dozers, dump trucks etc.) out in the direct sun and you can tell how much it's wearing them down.  We've taken icy poles around to them in the afternoons to attempt a little relief, and they've been wearing those neck ties that you keep in the fridge or freezer for cooling you down.

I'm looking forward to the other side of a Queensland summer - the thoroughly drenching rains!

A couple of weekends ago we had 18mm (about 3/4") in one afternoon, with a bit of rain the few days before and after.  The ground has suddenly come to life again!  Just a few weeks ago I couldn't even remember what it looked like around here when the grass was green - it had seemed SO long ago!

But we went to visit friends at our little town down the road and the paddocks were rich with green grass!

I can't tell you what that does for the soul around here!

Don't get me wrong!  Farmers are still suffering - there has still been no rain further West - but a little greenery adds hope where little could be seen or felt.

I do love Summer, although Autumn (Fall) is my favourite.  Summer has the long days, the relaxed pace, swimming and ice-cream and the freedom of dresses and shorts.  Sitting outside and having a BBQ with family or friends (whilst being devoured by mosquitoes - definitely not my favourite!!).

And here in Australia, Summer is also Christmas and New Year.  And y'all know how much I love Christmas!!!  This year I'm extra excited because we'll be spending it with my family in Victoria for the first time in 9 years!

We went out to dinner tonight at the local tavern and they occasionally brought up a count-down until the end of 2015.  It's been a big, good year for us

And I have to say that I'm excited about what might happen in 2016!  At the start of the year I wouldn't have thought we'd buy a house, I couldn't have imagined what a funny, intelligent child I would have at this end of the year, and I didn't think I'd love my husband more still!

So, I wonder what Summer will bring and how 2016 will change and refine us.  I'm looking forward to finding out!

Now what?

"Here it comes", I thought.  The conversation that I knew would take place in my office following the attacks on Paris had begun.

The boys were saying that all Muslims, Syrians, fill-in-the-blank should be taken out and shot because there's no way they're ever going to stop.

The girls were saying that you can't lump everyone in the same boat (pardon the pun) just because some are lunatics.

I don't normally write about events like this because 1, I don't have anything original to contribute to the conversation, and 2, because I don't see any point taking sides - it is rare to see anyone change their opinion!

So why now?  Why put something in the public arena that could be completely shot down?

Probably partly because I need to write to sort my own head out.

And I guess because I am a strong conflict-avoider in my own life and I'm desperately hoping that things will not go in the way I fear is almost inevitable.

See, the thing is that I can completely see both (the bazillion?) sides of the argument.  Radical extremists cannot be convinced to change their opinion and there is a case for ridding the world of them.

But if ridding the world of them involves destroying "innocent" lives along the way, up to what point is that acceptable?

There's a graphic that has been floating around Facebook that says something along the lines of there being 6 million Muslims in France and that only a tiny fraction of a percentage were involved in this series of attacks.

It's true!  Not every Muslim is a psychotic, fanatical killer!

But how do you find the ones who are and protect everyone else?

My problem with almost all of the comments I've heard and read in the past 24 hours (has it only been that long???) is that they are completely black and white.  Kill them all or don't hurt anyone in case that person is innocent.

But the world is not, has never been and will never be black and white!  It is grey and blue and red and yellow and a myriad of colours that meld to be both beautiful and horrific.

I'm sorry folks, but there is no simple answer.

I think part of the reason that these attacks in Paris have rocked our world so much is that, unlike Beirut and Baghdad, Paris feels like us.  It could have been in Australia or England or America.  France is part of the accepted West - a culture of intelligence and freedom.  Which, unfortunately is not how the majority of people view other places where atrocities have occurred recently.

So, now what?

We can't create another Holocaust and attempt to destroy every Muslim in the world.

But we can't let these fanatics get away with murder and the creation of fear and panic, and the destruction of our way of life (and our economy wink wink).

I don't have any answers.  Sorry.  If you got this far into this post and were hoping for them, I sincerely apologise for disappointing you.

But I think those who pray need to pray not only for the victims and their families and friends who feel so keenly their loss.  I think those who are perpetrating these unspeakably horrible acts, and those who are training them or planning to carry out similar attacks in the future, these people need our prayers too!

Perhaps the power of prayer can change hearts and minds!

Perhaps the power of prayer can remind these people of the humanity of their victims!

Perhaps the power of prayer can find a way through this awful mess to a peaceful solution.

What else?  What if prayer isn't your thing?

I think questioning any statement or solution that is black and white is a great place to start.

Don't be lulled into the false sense of security that "moral outrage" provides.  Think about the meme or photo or quote that you're sharing on social media and ask if it's helpful or informative or already been shared a bazillion times.

Try to understand the validity of people's arguments, while acknowledging that most statements at a time like this (including the apparently peaceful ones) come from a place of fear.

I don't have the answers.  I'm just a girl who is afraid of the potential effects of the mean-spiritedness of humanity, which shows itself both in acts of terrorism, and in words of bigotry and parochialism.

Rambling on

It's warm here tonight, although it's cooled significantly since the sun has gone down.  I got home from work and had a swim with the Little Big Fella and I'm still in my swimmers, five hours later.

The weather forecast is for storms this weekend and I really hope we get some rain.  The land is so dry.  Rain brings hope and the ability to keep going for another season.

The Christmas spirit sparked for me this week.  I'm not sure that it sparked for me at all last year, so it's nice to have it popping up so early this year.  I'd be playing Christmas carols if it didn't bug everyone around me!

It all started when I popped into our local "cheap shop".  You know the kind; plenty of junk and cheap variations of every day "necessities", craft products, hair and makeup, gardening, pet items... you get the gist.

I'd actually left the office for my lunch break (!) and dropped into the cheap shop because I'd seen a great idea for a teacher gift on Pinterest.  The Little Big Fella absolutely loves his teacher, so I've been thinking I'd love to give her something a little special as a Christmas/end-of-year gift.

I didn't find what I was hoping for, but I did wander my way through the Christmas aisle and found a couple of exciting ideas amongst the junk items.  I started imagining the various things I could put together fairly easily that would (hopefully) be somewhat meaningful for the receivers.

And the thought of giving sparked my Christmas spirit.

I came home that afternoon and pulled out my outdoor decoration project.  It's something I hope people in the community will enjoy seeing, and possibly interacting with.

Again, the thought of others enjoying the fruits of my efforts boosted my spirit.

I called my parents and they were both home and not busy, and we had a great chat.  They're SO excited about us spending Christmas with them, and I know it's going to be another great time with the people I love so dearly.

My not-so-little boy has been riding to school with the older boy from next door for the past few weeks.  I wasn't ready for him to not need me already.  After spending so much time with him it's been quite odd to have such short evenings with him.  And he's been playing and swimming so hard that he often falls asleep very quickly in the evenings.  I've missed our bedtime chats and stories.  I guess it's time to find new ways to connect with him.

We received a quote from the electrician today for installing ceiling fans in the bedrooms and replacing the living area ones that don't work.  The house is slowly starting to feel like our home, but I keep having these odd moments where I think the "owners" are going to come back and our holiday will be over.

The Big Fella will be working all of this weekend.  I hate the parts of his roster cycle that feel as though we don't see him.

I started exercising again four weeks ago.  I'm getting stronger each week, which I definitely like.  But my self-control with food definitely needs some more work :-}

I'm tired and rambling so that will do for tonight.  Hopefully it will be stormy over the weekend and I can show you all some pictures of our home because I won't be outside swimming or whatever else.

Sleep well, friends!