Am I crazy???

The Little Big Fella's party is this weekend coming up.  And, even though I'm excited about it, and I'm super proud of the cars I'm making and everything, I think I'm crazy!


I haven't had enough sleep in almost a week because I've been up painting (and watching movies at the same time) until 11, 12, 1....  When you're awake around 6 almost every day, that's not enough sleep.  Or maybe it's just not enough for me?  I used to need a minimum of 9 hours to function well.


And I wonder why I'm doing it?  Is it really because I think the kids will love it? That's definitely part of it.  But then I wonder if I've become one of those parents that have to do the biggest, bestest parties for their kids.  Am I being competitive?  If so, it's not with the other mums I know, it'd be with my sister who has done some awesome parties for her boys.  So then, I guess, I've never really grown out of sibling rivalry.  I wonder if I ever will?


Last week an acquaintance wrote a comment on Facebook that they couldn't catch up with their friends because they were so busy.  They were taking their three year old to gymnastics, dancing, swimming, kindy and music lessons.  And, after I mentally flipped out that a 3 year old was so ridiculously busy, it just made me wonder if we're losing the plot.


As parents, who didn't receive a manual, we seem to be constantly bombarded with messages of what we should be doing with our children.  And with those messages come the fear


that we're not going to be good enough


that we'll damage our children


that they'll not be able to achieve greatness or they'll miss out on opportunity.


Maybe it's just me and my perfectionism.  But I get the feeling that others have the same worries.


I am constantly trying to remind myself that I am not perfect... okay, that one's pretty obvious to me every day :-D.  But I cannot be a perfect parent (whatever that looks like), because it's impossible.  I will make mistakes and my son will most likely tell me that he hates me at some point.


BUT!


I can and will love him unconditionally.


I can and will give him hugs and kisses every time he lets me.


I can and will do my best, and read and learn so that my best can be better than it might have been.


I can and will be the best me I can be so that I can give him what he needs from his mum.


And I will be going to bed now so that I can continue to be crazy in preparing this party :-D  (Yes, I'm using hyperbole!)  Goodnight all!