Unsettled

My Fellas are sleeping soundly in our new house.  Everything has been moved from the old house and it is clean and ready for inspection.

I know this is silly, but I feel so unsettled by all the little things.

I can't find my coat hangers, so I can't try to fit my clothes in the weird configuration of our (admittedly large) closet.

I have no idea where the mouse is for our laptop, so I have to use the stupid touch pad.  I hate using the touch pad.

The lounge room is great because the couch, lamp and TV are set up, but there's a pile of boxes in the corner, stopping me from putting things away in the cabinet behind them all.

The kitchen is set up, but the pantry is in the laundry, so making lunches for school and work this morning was strange and awkward.

I am incredibly grateful for the opportunity to buy this house, and we're loving the pool and outdoor areas (we haven't eaten a meal inside yet).  But having no power point in the bathroom is stressful.

When I got to work this morning I sighed with contentment because at least everything was "normal" and I'd be able to find everything I needed.

I know it will all be set up properly soon, and I'll start dreaming about how to make our office/guest room useful and welcoming, or what colour to paint this and that, or how we could re-do the pantry cupboard so that it's an L-shaped walk in from the hall, rather than a deep, dark place to lose everything in the laundry, but right now the mess is stressing me out and I'm just not coping.

The worst thing is that I can't just unpack and clear my way through it all.  I look at the boxes that are left and I don't even know where to put half the stuff, like my craft items and extra stationery.  Even the cleaning products don't have an obvious place, because I've put half the kitchen appliances in the utility cupboard in the hall.

And now that the weekend is over and I'm back at work, the regular routine things have to happen each night - dinner, homework, bath, bedtime stories, dishes, crash.

Speaking of bedtime stories, the Big Fella and I were sitting outside taking a break after cleaning the old house, and we stopped and wondered where the Little Big Fella was.  We discovered him laying on his bed reading a book to himself (for the first time ever!).

I honestly nearly cried!

It has been a strong wish for me, although I don't think I realised how much I'd hoped for it, that the Little Big Fella learn to love reading like we, his parents do.  Both of us can get completely lost in a good story until we reach the end of the book (it can be kind of annoying when you need the other person to pay attention to what's going on, and they're absorbed by their current story).

And I'd hoped, SO much, that the Little Big Fella would discover the joy of imagination in print (and learning too!).

I also must say that both of my Fellas have been extraordinary during this move.

The Little Big Fella has been patient and helpful and well-behaved (although a bit too excited on occasion), and the Big Fella has stuck to his promise not to snap or lose his temper at all (traditionally, moving house brings out the worst in both of us).  Unfortunately I can't claim the same (sorry honey).

I know you all want to see the house and hear all about it, but I don't have any photos yet, and until tonight I've been way too tired to get myself to bed, let alone write anything.  But it's coming as soon as possible!

Thanks for letting me vent my little tantrum of frustration :-)

So close I can smell the chlorine!

It's a long weekend here so the Big Fella and I have been chipping away at the packing and cleaning. Probably a good thing, given that we're planning to move next Saturday! 

The Little Big Fella and I got home on Friday afternoon to discover that half of the house was downstairs! The Big Fella had gotten enthusiastic and moved half the couch, the bookshelf from the Little Big Fella's room, all the furniture sitting in the office, our dinig buffet, and a few other random bits and pieces.

It finally felt like we were on the move!

Unfortunately he ran out of steam before cleaning up the mess he'd made along the way 😀

But we're now at the end of Sunday night and we've completely finished one room, including window, walls, and vacuuming the floor.

The beds have been packed down, the bedside tables emptied, and the disgusting fluffy mess in the corners behind them vacuumed away!  And the Big Fella took all the foil off our bedroom window and cleaned it (the foil was to blackout the room so he can attempt to sleep during the day when he has night shift).

Our living area is still a big jumbled mess, and I haven't even started on the kitchen!   Thank goodness it's a long weekend! 

So tomorrow has the delightful task of being kitchen day! A few boxes to pack and shelves to clean, but then we're nearly there!  It's so close I can smell the chlorine from our new pool!

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On a side note, tonight was the footy (rugby league) grand final. Two teams from our state fought for the title and it was an absolute nail-biter!  The Broncos were in front from just before half time, then no one scored (despite several close attempts by the Cowboys) in the second half. Then almost literally on the full time siren, the Cowboys got a try (like a touch down for those who watch American football). They'd tied the score!

In rugby league, when your team scores a try you have the opportunity to kick at the goals. The captain of the Cowboys took a while to set himself up, then took the kick.  He kicked and it was bending back to go through the goals but hit the post and bounced back into the field!

So being the grand final, the teams went into golden time.  The Broncos made a mistake and the Cowboys had the opportunity to kick at the goals, but kept getting surrounded by the Broncos so they didn't have enough room to take the kick.

After a couple of attempts, the Cowboys captain finally got enough space and the kick went through!  The Cowboys won!

I'm not normally much of a footy fan, but that was an amazing game!  And the area the Cowboys are based is in a really bad drought at the moment, so to have something to celebrate is more than special! 

I hope you all have a wonderful week and that there's something to brighten your days.

Counting down

We're on the final countdown folks!  We settle on our new house in 8 sleeps, and we'll be moving in 3 sleeps later!

I was talking to my parents (mostly Mum) this evening.  They've just returned from a few weeks in Vietnam, including riding motorbikes in their crazy traffic!  It sounds like they had an absolutely awesome trip, ate some ridiculously lovely food, and came home with a new view on some things about life, which is always a good souvenir to bring home.

Mum was asking how the stress levels are going with the move, and I honestly got to tell her that it's been great!

I got to have a 4-day weekend this one just past, and on the first day the Big Fella and I did some packing and cleaning together.  He got to clean the oven (God, I love that man!!!!) while I scrubbed the oven racks.

We got about half way through the day and wondered what else we could do because everything we thought of can't really be done until next weekend.  We've sorted through everything and gotten rid of plenty of stuff, we've packed pretty much all the things we won't need for the next two weeks, and the big cleaning jobs are done.

The stress of the practical stuff of buying a house is pretty much done.  We still need to inspect the house prior to settlement, and the money needs to actually change hands, but it's all going smoothly.

The last two house moves I did mostly without the Big Fella (he was already in our new locales), so having him here to take some of the load has been brilliant!  And the fact that our houses are only 15 minutes apart helps relieve the stress because, if I need to (though I won't want to), I can come back to this house to finish cleaning.

So, at this point I'm feeling pretty relaxed.  No doubt that will change several times between now and when we're fully moved, but for now it's great!

On another note, I am feeling so incredibly blessed lately!  When I first became a mother, I honestly hated it.  When people said that the days go so quickly and you'll turn around and they'll be adults, I always smiled politely and internally imagined beating them over the head with a baseball bat.  The days seemed to go on forever!!!

But at this point in our lives, even though the Little Big Fella still drives me nuts sometimes, he also makes my heart melt regularly.  He is so sweet and funny and interesting!

He was telling me a story this morning, making up a tale about an alien and his brother, and a voice that came from nowhere.  It went on forever in a completely rambling fashion, but I marveled at the way his brain works at the moment, and how much he's grown, and how clever he is!

And on the weekend he drew me a picture on his whiteboard and wrote me a note saying how I have been the best mum in the world to him.

Tonight I was reading to him and, as he was falling asleep I realised that I am so lucky to be his Mum.  I am lucky to have this precious life entrusted to me, with all of the difficulties and worries and frustrations.  I get to have this wonderful little boy who absolutely adores me, even when my "tummy looks like it has a baby in it", even when I blow up in frustration or don't want to do the things he wants to do.  He still adores me and thinks I'm the best mum in the world to him.

What an absolutely priceless gift that is!

A good day

Today was a good day.

I woke when I was ready, which is always the best way to wake.

The Big Fella was at work so I made the most of my highest energy time of day and packed a few boxes, put some washing on, made breakfast for the Little Big Fella and myself, cleaned up the kitchen and got myself ready to go to a friend's Tupperware party (including painting my toenails).

I bought a new dress last week that arrived in the mail on Thursday.  When I tried it on, I felt pretty... until I looked in the mirror.  In the mirror, all I could see was a bigger middle than I want.

I tossed up whether to keep that dress for a couple of hours.

I ended up deciding that it was such a lovely dress and I wanted to wear it.  I wanted to be brave enough to wear something because it was pretty, even though I felt somewhat self-conscious in it.

I wanted to let go of the notion that I must continue to be my skinny twenty-something self.  Instead I want to embrace my not-so-skinny now self, who is beautiful in many ways, even if it's not physically in the way I was before.

So I wore this dress to my friend's today.  I was a bit over-dressed, and a bit self-conscious, but I didn't look in the mirror before I left, I did my hair nicely and I felt pretty.  

It was great to catch up with a couple of friends, have a chat, a laugh, and eat some delicious food.  The kids mostly got along really well, which allowed us to relax and enjoy the time together.  Somewhat unusually, the couple of little scuffles didn't involve the Little Big Fella at all!  

We hung around for ages because the kids were playing so well!  It may have been close to four hours that we were there!  Well, that's what the clock says anyway.  It only felt like one, or maybe two.  As they say, time flies when you're having fun!

When we got home the Big Fella was sleeping so we quietly went about having a very belated lunch/afternoon tea.  I hung out some more washing and moved my packed boxes to the pile downstairs.

The Big Fella had woken up, but wasn't really awake at all.  And the Little Big Fella was re-watching a cartoon he's seen at least half a dozen times this weekend (sometimes I love Netflix, sometimes not so much!).  So I grabbed the Little Big Fella and we went into his room and packed his books.

He was gorgeous!  We went through the books and picked out about a third of them that he didn't want to keep anymore.  We packed the rest (and a couple that I don't want to get rid of because of the huge role they've previously played in our lives) and he taped the boxes up and wrote on them.

Then we decided we were on a roll, so we went through his toys (which were disorganised after a couple of playdates over the past few weeks anyway).  He decided to add a bunch of toys to the giveaway pile, many of which surprised me.  We went downstairs and grabbed a box to pack all of the books and toys in and he wrote on the box, "D's giveaway box of toys and books".

I've left the box in his room, just in case some of the "giveaway" toys turn out to be "keep" toys, but we think we're going to give them to his school and the hospital, if they want them.

After a little bit of mucking around, it was time to let the chooks out and take the washing off the line.  The Little Big Fella decided he wanted to help with the washing, which we've not done before - partly because he's too short, and partly because I fold the washing as it comes off the line so that the basket doesn't sit on the lounge for the next week.

But we dragged a chair over and he took the clothes off and we laid them flat in the basket.  The basket is currently sitting on the lounge and will possibly be there for the next few days :-)

The Big Fella decided that he wanted to go to the next town and get some drinks for the evening, so the Fellas took off and I set the sprinklers up and went upstairs to check a couple of things online and get a start on the side for the pork roast (the Big Fella had already put it in the oven earlier).

I put the chooks away, filled their food and water and opened the gate just as the Fellas got back.

We finished preparing dinner and ate it watching Rango (on a school night!).  Then my best friend called and we chatted for a good while, mostly about the good stuff in life.

The Big Fella and I watched the end of Part I in a mini-series about Peter Allen then went to bed and chatted for ages.

Now it's after midnight and I'm thinking this day pretty much couldn't have been better.  Unless my family were here.  That's about all that could have been better.

The weather was beautiful.
I had enough sleep.
I achieved plenty.
My son was almost angelic!
I got to catch up with friends.
I ate delicious food.
I got to wear a pretty dress.
I got to spend good time with my husband.

That looks like a recipe for a very good day.  Now repeat that as often as possible for a VERY good life!

The nuggets were good...

Dinner in our house is normally a fairly quick, quiet event.  We eat at the dining table, turn the TV off, and have quiet conversation.

But every now and then I am reminded that I live with boys.

Tonight was one of those dinner times!

The Big Fella had cooked up a salmon fillet for each of us adults, and some chicken nuggets for the Little Big Fella.  I'd made a nice big bowl of salad and the Little Big Fella had set the table.

We sat down together and began our meal, talking about our day and whatever else came up.

Then the Little Big Fella offered his dad one of his chicken nuggets.

Who knows what the Big Fella was thinking, but he shoved it in his mouth then decided that he needed sauce with it.  He grabbed the bottle of squeezy tomato sauce, tipped his head back, opened wide and squeezed!

The Little Big Fella couldn't believe what he was seeing!  I could literally hear his brain cogs turning in an attempt to understand what was happening.

Unfortunately for the Big Fella, he squeezed the sauce straight onto the nugget, so couldn't actually tell how much sauce he had in his mouth.

It was a lot!

The squeeze finished, he had a few chews and then registered how much sauce there was.

By this time, the Little Big Fella's brain had decided that what he was watching was highly amusing, and he was giggling away.

The Big Fella started making a face but bravely chewed his way through the nugget, commenting that "the nugget was good, but the sauce was a bit much"!

Cue the copy cat!

The Big Fella suggests that the Little Big Fella has a go.  There is enthusiastic agreement and in goes a large piece of chicken nugget, back goes the head...

The Big Fella grabs the sauce bottle, tips it up and starts to squeeze...

Which is when the Little Big Fella realises that he like sauce, but not that much!  He moves his head to the side to stop the flow of sauce...

And there we have sauce filling up his mouth, all over his face, down his neck and all over his school shirt.

We had a good, long, loud laugh and enjoyed the change of pace in our dinner routine.

Insomnia?

I'm exhausted.

I go to bed early and lay there, thinking of nothing and everything.  I try not to think about the fact that I'm not asleep because that will cause me to stress that I am not asleep, which will stop me from sleeping.

I toss and turn.  I do not sleep.

Giving up, I get out of bed and do little things around the house or try to lull myself to sleepiness with a puzzle game on my phone or tablet in the dark.

It is late.

I know I will be tired again tomorrow and yet I still cannot sleep.

Eventually I am shattered and fall into bed again, nodding straight off.

The alarm wakes me well before I am ready.

Repeat for several days.  My temper gets shorter and positivity declines.  I am uninspired, and overwhelmed by the things that need to be done.

After three of four nights I am tired enough to collapse and sleep as soon as I go to bed.  Then the pattern returns.

When did I forget how to go to sleep?

I've never been one to go straight to sleep when I go to bed.  I remember when I first married the Big Fella, I was absolutely flabbergasted that anyone could go to sleep so quickly!

But half an hour, give or take, used to be my standard.  I'd lay in bed thinking of the day that had been, the days that were coming, my plans, my hopes, my wonderings about life.  And then I would drift off to sleep.

But the pattern has changed and I don't know how to change it back.

I think having the TV off in the evening helps.  I really enjoy the quiet, especially after reading to the Little Big Fella, and once he is asleep.

I like to have time to calm down.  There has been so much going on lately, not only with our house but at work and in general.  I can be so wired to get things done, or just ruminating on the day, and having quiet for while before bed helps me let it all go.

I like to sit and enjoy my home, but when there is "stuff" everywhere, and things are out of place, I find it difficult to relax.

My sister sent me "Millie Marotta's Animal Kingdom" for my birthday.  I've had a few evenings where I've enjoyed doing a little colouring.  It's a nice alternative to reading, which sometimes gets me so engrossed in the story that I forget to go to bed!

Well, I need to go and finish the dishes so that I can go to bed and attempt some sleep.  Wishing you all sweet dreams and restful sleep tonight.

The tension of the last minute

I realised late last week that we only had 6 weekends until our probably moving date, which promptly sent me into a list-making frenzy, which caused a bit of a freak out as I remembered how much work there is in packing and cleaning a house!

But I've finally done it!  I've finally packed my first boxes!  Not just sorted stuff out (because why would I pack stuff that I don't want/need???), but actually packed boxes!

Packing is a messy thing for me.  It takes up lots of room, and some packing can take lots of time.

All that stuff on the floor was in the open box.  I don't think I've looked through the things in this box since we moved here!  I've added, but not looked through, which is sad because this box holds reminders of wonderful people and times in my life.

There are (way too many) bits and pieces from when I was a child (including a project book I did in Grade 6 that I was particularly proud of), our wedding (including the flowers that my Aunt and cousin made for our cake), living overseas (photos, a baseball, journals), and the art and debris of an only child's first six years of life.

I'd been looking forward to, and slightly dreading, dealing with this box.

And as I made the mess and sorted my memories, I came across old friends, wonderful times, special moments.  My life has been full of good times and great people and I am so incredibly lucky!

But this box distracts me every time I move, and has hijacked my post!

So, I finally sorted and packed all of these wonderful memories, and moved the boxes downstairs, all stacked and ready to load into our new house where we'll make all kinds of new memories!

One room packed (well, packed enough for 6 weeks to go) and ready to move the furniture, remove the curtains and clean it top to bottom.  I am determined to follow my own advice from the last move, and start early, getting as much done each weekend as possible.

I had hoped to get a bit more cleaning done as well (ceiling fans and the tops of the kitchen cupboards are on my radar!), but I'll just have to tackle those throughout the week, or next weekend.

This morning I contacted our mortgage broker.  According to our contract, the finance needed to be finalised by today, and the contract would then be unconditional.  We'd been in contact last week and knew everything was moving along, but I was concerned that the bank wouldn't provide official approval in time to let the broker know, to let us know, to let the solicitors know, to let the seller's solicitors know, and that the whole thing would collapse.  (I know, first home buyer stress-head here!)

The mortgage broker assured me all was in process and they would follow up again after lunch.

By 1pm I had a whopping headache, completely caused by tension in my neck and shoulders.

I contacted the brokers again, who assured me they'd been talking to the guy at the bank who was handling our application and all was well.

At 3pm I contacted the brokers again with an email something along the lines of, "how's it all going?  What happens if it doesn't go through today?".  They said the bank had told them to call just before 4.

My headache was knocking me about and my stomach had joined in the fun, making me nauseous.

I texted my Mum who assured me that, "banks, like God, like to leave things to the last minute".  Have I ever mentioned how wise my mum is?

I finished work at 4 and called the broker.  She had been assisting another client and was about to call the bank again.  She told me the bank's computer system had issues, and that the part that allowed them to press the "approved" button wasn't working.  I was not to worry, she said.  She'd spoken to our solicitor, and if it wasn't sorted today, they could arrange for an extension on the conditional part of our contract.

Not worry.  Ha!  I don't know if my body could handle the stress!

I carried my phone on my person whilst I went to the petrol station.  I kept it on charge in the car.  I carried it in to collect the Little Big Fella from after-school care, and in to the post office.  If I'd gone to the bathroom, you can bet your bottom dollar that I would have had it in there too!!!

We got home and the Big Fella asked what was happening.  He laughed when I told him.  I didn't see the humour!

Just after 5pm, the Big Fella got a call on his mobile.  The loan has been approved and the documents will be in the mail for us to sign.  The solicitors have been informed.  Congratulations.

Sigh.

The tension started leaving immediately.  The Big Fella had a big grin.  Plans were made to get something bubbly to celebrate.

So, now it's really, really happening.  There's no going back now.  We will actually be moving at the start of October and we will have a pool and a wonderful back patio that we will practically live in 9 months of the year.  We will have a place that we can change and decorate anyway I feel (subject to finances, obviously).

Now I can go ahead and organise the electricity and phones and water.  We can finalise our wills.

And the packing up of my box of memories is not in vain.  I think when I unpack them in our new house, I'll store them in a way which makes it easier to go through them a little more often than once every 3 years ;-)